Your first meeting with lady - tell me what you know!

[brett]

Hi all,

It's getting closer to my trip to see the girl of my dreams. I thought my girl was quite feisty and confident (her mother is from Shanghai) but I am now detecting signs of nervousness in her EMF letters, and she is worried she will have nothing to say to me. She also worries that her English won't be very good (although we've already talked on Skype, and her English is much better than the migrants who work in London branches of McDonalds). She is a mass of contradictions lol. Unfortunately her agency is nowhere near her home town, so we can't easily hire a translator. I think she knows people who speak good English, but again she is a mass of contradictions.

So guys, how was the first meeting with your girl? Do you have any tricks for putting her at ease? I think I will just take her for a walk around Wuhan, I will no doubt have hundreds of questions about the stuff I see there (what's that fruit, what is that man doing etc. etc.) Wuhan is not her home town, but she apparently went to University there (or College, again she is a mass of contradictions!)

Cheers!

[maxx]

Just relax be yourself.Have a gift and a big smile.A smile goes a long way in China.Remeber the rules.Different country different customs.and as always remember the 24 hour rule.Keep a open mind and your eyes wide open.

Keep us updated with you and your ladies progress.

[Willy The Londoner]

Hi Brett

I just hope your meetings goes better than my first first.  6pm arrived at hotel - 6.30 she arrived to pick me up for dinner.  No time to get aquainted. Straight to a restuarant where 6 of her family members were waiting.  Warning to anyone - have time on your own first before you go having family meetings.  Just had a 13 hour flight a 1 hour ferry ride was wondering how hot it had become and then thrown right in at the deep end. This was followed the next evening by dinner at her family home, then her sisters home then an uncles and it was five days before we had any time to ourself.  And suddenly it was Saturday and it was time for the ever important China Tea.  Not much tea but more food than could be eaten by four times as many.  

If you are away from family then you have a better chance. so make the most of the time together.

Over the past 12 weeks  i have had many more first meetings!! but every one now involves just me and the lady until such time as I think we are ready to face families.

Now the women that I date are in the main divorced ladies who have had no close male company for many years (If you get my drift)  holding hands with them is  immediate and sometimes within a short while you are in a quiet place and they are releasing many years of pent up emotion.

So my advice is limited to mainly divorced.  But from talking with many girls it seems that in Zhuhai there are a large number who are in their early to mid  twenties who have never had a boyfriend in their life.

Willy

[brett]

I am meeting my lady in a different town to her home town, so we will have some time to ourselves (well, unless a friend escorts her). I will fly out a couple of days before we meet, and won't meet her at the airport. The last time I flew long haul I ended up smelling like a vagrant :@.

She is insistent I visit her home town, this seems to be important.

I will bring a few thoughtful gifts.

I don't think my girl has had many male friends, as she's still in her 20's and she works 50+ hours a week, so there's not much time apart from work and sleep :exclamation:. But then I've not had many female friends so this will be a mystery for both of us :-/. I've got many photos of my lady now, and it's clear she wasn't a looker until she hit 28, when suddenly she turned into a goddess (she is one of the best natural looking girls on chnlove, no doubt about that :angel:). I think this sudden blossoming is quite common with Asian ladies.

[Arnold]

Brett , just be a Gentleman and see if you can a least get to  hold Hands with her , that alone will calm her down . Compliment on how she looks , how beautiful it is to be here finally with her . She soon will open up to you and start asking you things . Just follow her lead of what she would like to do for both of you . All this might take only a few hours or maybe day's , depends on how shy she will be from the start . But don't push it . I know we all have a thousand questions we liked answered , but just let it all flow smoothly and be yourself and most of all let her be herself . You might or might not get all the answer's you want on this first Trip , so make it a point for you two just to be comfortable together mostly and you'll see the rest will so much easier to achieve . Good Luck and remember we are alway's here during your Trip , so ask when in doubt .

[Voiceroveip]

Another thought, don't over intepret her initial body language, it's quite different from what we are used to. Initial reserve or desinterest might be nothing else than shyness. When I met my Chinese ex-gf the first time, I was positive she disliked me, how wrong I was then and I'm glad it followed it through. And she was divorced and had lived in France for over 10 years! I would suggest you find something to do that you would both like, maybe a museum or another attraction that has some entertainement, it might help break the ice that is common in a first time face to face.

[brett]

Thanks Arnold. My lady is a mass of contradicitons, her English is either good or bad, she is shy or outgoing, hee hee the more I ask on MSN the less I seem to know.

I know quite a bit about her job and I think I have every photo of her ever taken with a digital camera. I know she likes me, and that the EMF translator is not just adding fluff. She has started asking me things on MSN (like what color my eyes are) so I think this is a good sign.

I find talking about important stuff is difficult as we have had some horrible misunderstandings about travel plans. Things are easier when we talk about work or food or weather and other unimportant stuff.

I will take it slowly though, although it is her who seems to be in a tearing hurry for me to meet her parents. I am worried her parents are pressurising her into marriage, and I want it to be her own decision.

I will certainly be a gentleman though. I've spent a month in Japan and a couple of weeks in Hong Kong so I know all about "face" and the way people behave out there.

If it doesn't work out I will be sad, but it will be useful to go to China and check things out.

[Willy The Londoner]

If it doesn't work out I will be sad, but it will be useful to go to China and check things out.

C'mon Brett

This is the first piece of indecision we have heard from you.  Your suffering a bit from takeoff fever i fear.  Your message here is full of doubts and how do you end it  'If it doesn't work out i will be sad. '  You have spoken to her by video, she is not going to be a shock to you.  Maybe she is being reserved because you only make small talk with her.  She will not be sure that you are going to see her until you are face to face.  many have been let down badly by men and they are appehensive.  Yours is single and maybe apprehensive  because you do not open up to her other than small talk.  She wants reassuring that YOU ARE the man for her.
I have lived in Africa and I have lived in India but china is different to any other place that I have lived.

It is different from Hong Kong that is too anglicised  and going to HK is not going to China.

You need to just open up with her - make plans with her that involve her do it NOW not when you get here. She wants to be sure about you and only you can build that assurance.  She wants you to make decisons but like all Chinese women  she wants to know what they are before you make them!!

Now I am not teh best advisor on relationships other than I have had a few with Chinese ladies now and have an idea how they think.

Willy

[David5o]

Post: #49RE: Daily life of a married man

Brett,
:icon_arrow: In my case I want an Asian wife because I've been to Asia several times now on vacation, and I realise that I have much more in common with Asian men than I do with my fellow countrymen. :icon_arrowl:

Now i'm intrigued, ....Can you explain what you meant here by ''having much more in common with Asian men than i do my own countrymen''?? Are you talking about Chinese men in particular? This question by the way, is being asked by Lucy my partner....

David....

[Ed W]

Hi all,

It's getting closer to my trip to see the girl of my dreams. I thought my girl was quite feisty and confident (her mother is from Shanghai) but I am now detecting signs of nervousness in her EMF letters, and she is worried she will have nothing to say to me. She also worries that her English won't be very good (although we've already talked on Skype, and her English is much better than the migrants who work in London branches of McDonalds). She is a mass of contradictions lol. Unfortunately her agency is nowhere near her home town, so we can't easily hire a translator. I think she knows people who speak good English, but again she is a mass of contradictions.

So guys, how was the first meeting with your girl? Do you have any tricks for putting her at ease? I think I will just take her for a walk around Wuhan, I will no doubt have hundreds of questions about the stuff I see there (what's that fruit, what is that man doing etc. etc.) Wuhan is not her home town, but she apparently went to University there (or College, again she is a mass of contradictions!)

Cheers!

Just be yourself. She'll spot the lame attempts to overly impress her. As Maxx said, just relax and be yourself. She'll appreciate that far more than you'll imagine.

[brett]

Willy - my lady is full of contradictions so it's really difficult to tell how it will work out in real life. I am worried she is being pressurised into marriage and I would like it to be her decision, although I'm not sure if this is the way it happens in China.

We do get on very well on Skype and MSN. But there is a vast gulf between being lovers on MSN, and being lovers in real life!

She was very confident at first, but the nearer the time gets for our meeting, the least confident she seems to be.

It doesn't help that she works ridiculous hours in her job, no wonder her brain gets confused sometimes :huh:.

[brett]

Thanks guys, I will remember that. I send the odd compliment via MSN, so that always goes down well, I get some good emoticons back in response!

I will remember to compliment her on her English as well. I think she is disappointed her English isn't good, because I found out today that she missed out on getting some good jobs after leaving college because of her poor English skills (although she has a pretty good job now).

[Vince G]

Compliment all the time esp. when it comes to english. No matter what they say. My ladies english is going very well. I've caught her on the phone without her electronic translator a few times and she speaks very well. And yet she says she is "stupid" because she has a hard time remembering sentences? I sternly tell her No she is not. I made her understand if she's not hearing it or around english all the time it's common to not remember.

[David5o]

Vince,


Just curious, i know you haven't yet been to China  to meet your lady, and it seems from your posts you've been writing to her for sometime now too. ...So do you have any set plan as yet, as to when you do intend going to China for that first meeting??

David.....

[Vince G]

Right now I'm doing the dance.... Two steps forward , one step back? Some things are on the horizon. If it gets to late in the season (dead of winter) I'll wait till the spring. I'm determined.