Hubei Province, October 2009

[brett]

Time for another update.

There's still not much happening. I don't know about you guys but I find this waiting much harder than the initial search.

I guess I am used to living life in the fast lane. I found Miss Wu 9 days after signing up for chnlove. In those 9 days I fell in and out of love with a couple of Changsha Love Bridge girls, and got quite scared by a couple of feisty divorcees hee hee. I went to visit her 2 months after we first met.

There is a strong connection between Miss Wu and I. There are now 8400 women on chnlove. Wow, that's a lot of ladies. I knew at the time that Miss Wu was unique, and I've not seen a single woman on the site that is as unique as she is. Even through the dark periods of our relationship, I haven't talked to another lady.

Miss Wu's profile is no longer on chnlove. Her agency has deleted her profile altogether. While I appreciate the gesture, it does mean that I am unable to EMF her anymore. If anyone knows an agency translator who will moonlight for $'s then give me a shout [I am only looking for someone who works for an agency and lives in China - there are no shortage of translators I can find in work, but I specifically want someone with agency experience]. Miss Wu has been a bit evasive on QQ about this whole business, so it might be possible for the agency to still translate for us. I do wonder though if money changed hands and she paid off the agency. I know she really didn't like talking about personal things with the translator.

Our relationship has survived a few massive misunderstandings and terribly embarrassing Google mis-translations. That is why I like using EMFs for important stuff. One thing I've noticed is that my lady is really reluctant to talk about personal things. She is extremely self confident, but perhaps she has a lot of self doubt. We have come to the conclusion that we need to build trust in each other, and convince each other that we do really love each other. Do our ladies really love us? Many guys here are putting on a brave face in public, but I know from PM's I've got that other brothers have doubts about their ladies.

I wish we could talk more. I have just come to the conclusion that I have found the busiest girl in China. She works 6 days a week, and sometimes there's overtime or entertaining of clients. At the moment her mama is still in hospital, so I guess she is spending a lot of time there. I suppose baba will need feeding as well and there are numerous other household chores that she would need to keep on top of. Their extended family is massive, and yet they don't seem to be helping out as much as I'd thought.

I wonder if I should offer to help Miss Wu out financially. If she could work a couple of days less per week it might help tremendously. I don't know if she would want me to do this though. I am not sure if helping your future spouse would affect a subsequent visa application either, as it might look better if they have a job. Maybe I will wait until we got engaged. I know that her salary is small change to me, but these ladies do value their pride and independence. I respect them for that. Let's put it the other way. Would I give up my job if a woman in a different continent told me to? Of course I wouldn't. What I would really like to do is to find a small business opportunity for her, so I can support her, but she could feel as if she is doing something for the money.

I want to visit her again. We did talk about going to Hong Kong early next year. I would feel more relaxed there, as I have been there before so I could be much more attentive to Miss Wu, instead of being distracted by wierd stuff I've never seen before. It would also allow me to introduce her to some British culture. It would be a great place to get engaged - funnily enough my sister got engaged there. Hong Kong is also much more romantic than Yichang!

I have also thought about visiting her parents again, and this time taking a translator with me. Perhaps I should take a sabbatical from work and go out there for much longer.

In other news I am doing quite well in my Chinese course. Our first exam is next week. I missed the first fortnight of the course, but I am no longer the worst student in the class. Another guy on the course used to live in Japan and he writes all the class notes in Kanji. That's intimidating!!! Nevertheless, I feel that a bilingual household would not be as impossible as I first thought. Next term is mostly related to writing Chinese - maybe I could write my own EMFs next year?

[Neil]

Brett, sometimes it seems like we are seeing the same lady.  Nina too is extremely busy, to the point of exhaustion.  She works during the day, goes to English classes at night and takes care of her friend's daughter and dog as well.  She recently got very edgy about the lack of progress she is seeing in her English class and then the doubt started to surface.  I've had to reassure her a lot lately.  Then comes the translation errors.  Jesus the backpedaling.  Here's a good example: type "I do understand" into MDBG then translate it back.  It becomes I do not understand.  WTF!  :@  Now I've discovered that I can not win an argument with her.  She too will not tell me much about her personal life.  Heck, friend's names!  I met her nieces, but I only know Xia's name.  Her best friend is named Big Sister.  She has sisters, but when she tells me about her sister, she means her best friend, who still remains nameless, yet we have had many dinners together (the 3 of us).  

That said, she is amazing, beautiful, devoted to our relationship beyond all doubt, so very intelligent, bright, energetic, hard working, multitasking...and I love her more than anything.  I'm so dying to see her again.  

So, Brett, it's a tough adventure we're on, and I doubt it will ever end.  Enjoy the downs because the ups that follow are incredible and worth every bit of work we can invest.

[Willy The Londoner]

I really take my hat off to you Guys,  who having met your ladies in China, then have to conduct your trans world romances at such a distance.

I do not think that I could have done that – I am not sure that I would have even wanted to do that.    And my not having to do that is probably the only reason that being my age is a good thing!!!!!

You Guys have to be at home, probably alone, for a good part of the day thinking of your lady and wondering what she is doing at that time.

You keep in contact by various means but in the course of a day something happens that jars your confidence.  Maybe a misplaced word, one lost in translation, something someone has said, or another has hinted at.  There are many things that can happen that cannot be immediately resolved by just sitting down and talking to each other.

This is the time to remember the 24 hour rule.   Even though I have been here for coming up to 6 months now I still keep that in mind.  

For the first three months I was the proverbial kid locked in a candy store.  I feasted myself on so many delights that I thought I may qualify for the Guinness Book of Records.  I did use a lot of Viagra and as well as meeting many women I also learned a great deal about their individual and general likes and dislikes.

 And then the door of the store was unlocked by Angel and for the last three months we have enjoyed life together and I have never ever been look after so well in my long life.

But on the odd occasion we have had different opinions on things we have been able to sort them out there and then.
When we talk we use words of 7 year olds!!!!   Why because that is probably the level of learning we are both at with each other’s language.     Neither of us uses big words – we keep things simple.  Many tend to forget their partners limitations and start using words that the other does not know.
When you got to China – we all do it – Ni Hoa!  We say and then we get a barrage of words back that we have no idea of – because having said ni hao they presumed that we speak Chinese.   We do the same with our ladies.

So my advice is until you are well versed in each other’s language then keep your conversations and phrases simple.

Willy

[brett]

Yes that's good advice Willy, on QQ I mainly talk about fruit, and how rubbish our jobs our. Important stuff is for EMFs. When we met we were able to talk OK. But her high school english was very limiting and there are vast gaps in her vocabularly. Like for example, she didn't know the word "popular", and I just could not think of an alternative word.

Abigbutt - yes I can sometimes write good translations in google, but what happens when you ask your lady something horribly embarrassing but it's only after a week that she blows her top and finally tells you that it's a very inappropriate thing to say? Chinese doesn't have as large a vocabularly as English, there are whole words missing (like there's apparently no word for kitten or puppy). Translations are difficult, even for experts.

Our ladies are all very different, just as we guys are different.

Neil - I get those wierd translation errors when it actually writes the exact opposite. And you have to remember of course that translation is a two way thing - our ladies could easily be writing the exact opposite to what they mean as well.

I am starting to suspect that Chinese is easier to learn than English. The biggest stumbling block is tones. There are some guys in our class who must be tone deaf, as there is just no way on earth that they would be understood in China.

[seagull]

I am starting to suspect that Chinese is easier to learn than English.

Wait until you try to learn how to read and write Chinese characters before you say that Brett!

[Willy The Londoner]

Be careful about telling her she is in a rubbish job Brett.  She may start to think she is not suitable for you if you start saying she is working beneath herself.

I have never met anyone here who is not pleased to have a job - any job - even the lady who keeps the street immaculately clean outside my apartment block.

If you are putting the value on her job in the context of the amount she is paid then why?  She is getting an average wage for an average job.

The tones are unimportant when you are in England.   If they learn the words they will soon find the tones to use depending on which part of china they go to. You may be perfect in the tones of your present teacher but where in China is she from and how long since she left?   In practise you could well find that your clasmates would be understand in some areas where they would not have a clue as to what you are saying.

The word for Mother, Hemp, Horse and Scold is the same word Ma it is the tone that sets them apart in Pinyin and when spoken.  But when spoken by a foreigner the chinese listener will soon realise in the context of the whole sentence as to which of the four you are refering too.  

Mandarin has 4 tones and 1 toneless tone - Catonese has 8 tones - China has more than 80 dialects and for many Mandarin is not their first language and Chinese people make mistakes with their tones too.

Stop knocking your classmates - you will soon be sounding off that your pencil case is bigger than theirs!!!!

Willy

[brett]

Hi Willy,

I was talking about our rubbish jobs in the context of how mind numbingly soul destroying it is to spend all day in an office, rather than the financial rewards. Not that it matters though, my lady tells me just how rubbish paid her job is and how her poor English meant she couldn't get a plum job after graduating. Her best friend left her so-so job and is studying for the civil service exams. My lady wants to change careers, but we've not yet talked about alternatives.

I know a fair bit about her job. What I report here about her job is what she tells me. She is an interior designer. The powers that be are shouting about 8% economic growth. But at the coal face of the construction industry, business is bad. I know she joined this company a couple of years back and they were paying a lot more than her old job. I reckon it was started by her boss at the top of the global property boom. Since then business is a struggle and they might well be ruthlessly undercutting competitors just to stay afloat. Remember capitalism? We used to do that in the West.

Wages in China are absurdly low and for me it felt ridiculous that an average Chinese person would have to work a long time just to buy a CD. I guess at some time in the future some clever currency manipulation will take place and the authorities will stoke up massive internal demand for goods and leave the heavily indebted USA out to dry. But this is not an economics thread.

As to big butt - well a reserved traditional chinese girl and reserved Englishman that knows only half a dozen words of Mandarin are going to take time to get things going, but we're heading in the right direction. With hindsight I should have spent much more time in China. I was woefully unprepared for the trip. But then again, I could have booked a month off and she might not have turned up. I had no backup plan apart from a good holiday. I am considering taking a sabbatical from work next year, then going out for a couple of months.

Anyway, in relationship related news Miss Wu has gone AWOL. When you're 5000 miles away it's difficult to keep up with life's little (and big) domestic incidents. Like Neil says, much of the chaos in my lady's life is on a need to know basis. I have emailed her agency to see if I can see what their position is with her, and whether I can repair the EMF pipeline. I did consider employing my own translator, but our agency translator is so good I am reluctant to ditch them.

[Neil]

Those AWOL moments are rough.  Nina is moving this weekend and she's unsure how long it will take to reconnect her internet.  I reminded her that she can still send me messages on QQ from her phone and I'll translate both ways.   Hopefully she will.

[Willy The Londoner]

Those AWOL moments are rough.  Nina is moving this weekend and she's unsure how long it will take to reconnect her internet.  I reminded her that she can still send me messages on QQ from her phone and I'll translate both ways.   Hopefully she will.

Hopefully it will not be long Neil.   Mine was up and running in Zhongshan within 48 hours of us requesting it but if you get into any communications problems them maybe we can help out.   We are in the Qigang Road area of Zhongshan 528400

Willy

[Neil]

Thanks Willy.  I'm not too worried.  When Nina decided to get her net connected, it took about 3 days.  Some things move very quickly in China.  I've asked Nina to give me her address so I could find it on Google Earth, but she hasn't told me anything beyond Zhongshan.  Yeah, that doesn't really narrow it down babe.  She thinks I worry too much.  I just like to know the lay of the land.  Next time I'm in Zhongshan, I would very much like to look you up and have a drink.

[brett]

By the way guys, are we able to put QQ on our own phones? I have MSN on my phone, so it would be nice to have QQ as well.

Still no news from my girl, but I don't think she's moving house :icon_cheesygrin:.

[Philip]

Brett,
i have QQ on my iPhone. I can paste my own messages in Chinese, but I can't copy her messages to be able to translate them using my translation software. So I can only translate them slowly and laboriously using a dictionary. My Chinese lessons have helped me slightly, but it is very slow.

[brett]

Thanks Alex, I'll see if I can install it.

As to my girl, I haven't heard from her for 5 days now. A couple of days ago I sent an EMF to one of the other girls in her agency, with a note to the translator telling them I wanted to know what the agency's status was with my girl. That was the only way I could think of of contacting my girl's agency. I got a *very* mysterious email back from someone apparently from chnlove telling me that the agency had never heard of her :huh:. That's very wierd indeed, as I've been telling everyone here how great the agency is. Oh well I guess I'd be off the hook for agency fees.

As you can imagine I'm not feeling great right now. But if Miss Wu fails to resurface I'll resume my wife searching plan in the new year :icon_biggrin:.

[Vince G]

As to my girl, I haven't heard from her for 5 days now. A couple of days ago I sent an EMF to one of the other girls in her agency, with a note to the translator telling them I wanted to know what the agency's status was with my girl. That was the only way I could think of of contacting my girl's agency. I got a *very* mysterious email back from someone apparently from chnlove telling me that the agency had never heard of her :huh:. That's very wierd indeed, as I've been telling everyone here how great the agency is. Oh well I guess I'd be off the hook for agency fees.

Brett, This whole post doesn't make any sense? Did you ask the agency about her with the profile # ? or just by first name? How could they say they don't know her? The translator knows her? from what I read?

[brett]

Hi Vince,

This whole situation makes no sense. So here's what has happened...

I haven't heard from Miss Wu for 5 days now. I've sent phone text messages and QQ offline messages. Naturally I am worried. Her mother is sick, and my lady is working so hard in her job that she's making herself ill. I know our relationship has been fragile of late, but when we QQ'd on Monday things seemed good, and she even asked for my address so she could send me my scarf she had knitted.

In her last EMF to me (mid-November) she said that as a gesture of good faith she was going to get her agency to hide her profile. But when I logged onto chnlove I found out her profile had been deleted. It's not possible to EMF her at all (I see a "The profile with this ID was not found." message).

From what I've learnt from my fellow brothers here it seems that it is exceedingly rare for an agency to delete a lady's profile before marriage. I really want to know what the agency's situation is with my lady. Have they been paid off? Has she had a disagreement with them? Has my lady decided I am her man? Has she decided not to look for a foreign husband after all? We can speculate all we like, but the fact is, there are no facts. I have no idea what is going on.

Our QQ-only relationship is going nowhere. I need the EMF route to her restored, or I need to find a freelance translator. So a couple of days ago I sent an EMF to one of the other ladies listed with my current lady's agency, P688 Guangzhou Daniel International Marriage Agency. I sent them a "I'm not interested in this lady, but what is your situation with Miss Wu (giving them her P number)" note attached. I would have emailed the agency directly, but I don't have their contact details, and I couldn't find their website. Obviously their contract is with Miss Wu, not with me. But I would like to know what is going on.

So this morning I get an email from somebody called Sunny, who I guess may work for chnlove (message shown below). But there was no email signature and they used a yahoo email account. They claimed not to have heard of Miss Wu at all :huh:.

As you can imagine I find this all very upsetting. I still love Miss Wu. We do have problems, but with some very carefully composed EMFs I was really starting to make some progress in our relationship.

But the fact is, if I can't talk to her, then I'm totally stuck. I can't end the relationship. I can't plan our next meeting. I don't want to talk to other ladies until I get closure on this relationship :s.

I guess there's nothing else I can do but wait.

-----------email from mystery person (personal details replaced with X's)-----------
Hi Brett,

I am the translator on Chnlove. I am sorry about you and XXX Wu (P68XXXX). There are many Chnlove agencies in China. I have checked in our agency yesterday that there is no lady named XXX Wu.

I wish you good luck with XXX Wu. If you need any more help, please feel free to contact with me. My E-mail is: XXX@yahoo.cn. Or I can introduce other ladies to you on Chnlove. ^_^

Best regards,

Sunny