Hubei Province, October 2009

[Vince G]

Because the profile was deleted this translator isn't finding that profile number. There could be a number of reasons why she's not answering. I understand the worry involved but maybe wait it out a while longer?

[brett]

Yeah, who knows what's going on. Who cares. If a relationship comes to this, then it's over. The 40% rule claims another couple I guess :s.

I have to trust my gut instinct. And from the moment I came back from Wuhan it has told me to end this relationship. Finding a soulmate should be the happiest time of my life, and yet here I am close to tears, waiting for a text message or a QQ window to appear. I need a girl who is reliable and who wants to share even the most difficult periods of her life with me. Miss Wu is a lovely girl, and I really love her. But I'm just not seeing the love that the other brothers are seeing from their ladies. We looked like a perfect couple. But something is wrong. Is it me? Is it her? Is it her parents? I don't know.

So I have started contacting other ladies. Already I've found a fellow ex-scientist, and guess what, she's not from Changsha or called Sunny :icon_cheesygrin:.

[stuart barlow]

Maybe we could all chip in to help these poor chinese slave girls,we might need
a few billion quid,but what the heck,

[ron]

I think I will have to write some tough EMFs. It would break my heart to end this relationship. But in many ways my lady is still a little girl, and I really do have to question if she really wants a husband. Am I heartless? Yes. I have put a lot of effort into this relationship but I am not seeing much in return.
 I have been reading your posts brett Have you  read anything you have posted?She works for slave wages you want to take her to more civilised areas that are so familiar to you to show her how well the rest of the world lives?Her mother is sick and you seem to dismiss it as how much time does she need to spend with her mom what about you?You act like you are saving this lady .I have no idea what your converstaions are but I do know as long as her being at a below standard in your eyes thisi bothers you.Eventually you will pass this message to her and she will feel like she is so unworthy of a fellow like you.Read some of your posts I realise you are expressing your thoughts to the brothers but do you realise how bad this is affecting or infecting your thoughts?Reverse this how would you feel if it was her that was making a good living and you lived like she does would you want that thrown at you?Personally I dont apreciate some of the remarks about slave jobs and menial labor you make this sound so much about you and you expectancies.I am sorry to everyone on this site for saying all this but I waited over the 24 hour mark and I had to say it .Max if you want to ban me for this so be it .I just needed to express my opinion which I know is probably put of line but I had to say it.

[RegnisTheGreat]

Brett: can you do analysis on the email headers? That would give you something.

[victor-hills]

Spot on Ron.

[Willy The Londoner]

  Next time I'm in Zhongshan, I would very much like to look you up and have a drink.

That will be good.  I look forward to it.  If you ever need anything doing here then just PM me.

Willy
Brett - as far as I can ascertain there are two reasons why a ladies profile is removed from Chnlove. it is usually done by the agency not Chnlove - 1)the first reason is that the lady has refused to or cannot pay the agency the introduction fee that she would have been contracted to pay the moment that she met you in person.  This can be several thousand rmb and maybe she does not have that money.  (you guys who  are talking to and want to meet several ladies then consider their positions financially and also realise why they cry off at the last minute if they do not think you are sincere)

2) The other reason would be that the agency was afraid that something has arisen that may make then liable to legal action.  If for example it was proven that the agency and/or employee had deliberately lied to a man in order to facilitate the marriage of a Chinese national to a Foreigner.  In this case the profile would be removed and contracts cancelled.

If you have not discussed finances with your lady it is possible that the first may have been the problem here.  It is possible that is why she wanted to go to UK to marry so that the agency would not know to charge her the 30,000 - 60,000 rmb that she is probably contracted for upon marrying.   The agencies tell them on signing up that the men usually pay!!!!  But if not it is down to the ladies.

She is on 1000 a month if she wanted to fulfill her obligations in China it would need you to help out here. Did you ever discuss this with her?  

If not then my opinion is that this is what your problem may be.   Well I may be well off the mark here but from what I hear this will not be the first time this has happened.

 There has always been a concern in my mind as to why she is using an agency far from where she lives and why the secret over her name - but that is not ours to speculate on as you have a reason for not making it public.

Willy

[Paul Todd]

Brett,
Am I missing something here? Why don't you write to Chnlove customer care dept and ask them what happened to your ladies profile? It's free and you may just get some light thrown on this whole thing.
Anyway I hope you find the answer soon,waiting is no fun at all. Best of luck

Paul

[maxx]

Willly I think you got it right.

[brett]

Thanks Willy, that's an interesting insight. Of all the brothers here you have the best understanding of my relationship.

As I have said before, we can speculate all we like, but there are no facts here. I cannot help if I don't know what's wrong. I want to save this relationship. But my lady has not always been straight with me about important things.

I have tried and failed at talking about important stuff on QQ. I need the agency translator. If the agency needed money then my lady or the agency should have told me, or at least dropped hints. Yes I know the agencies charge big fees. Some charge for meetings, some do not. But at the end of the day, the contract is between the lady and the agency. I find it very unsettling that a lady can sign a contract knowing full well she cannot afford the fees.

Miss Wu got really insistent about marrying in the UK, and that worried me. Again, there are no facts and we've not discussed wedding plans since.

It is strange that Miss Wu's agency is 1000 miles from her home. She won't tell me what she was doing when she lived in Guangzhou.

As to the suggestions of offering money - these are proud people, and I don't like the idea of buying her love. The Wu family do have money. Her parents both have a pension. Their apartment is very nice inside, and Miss Wu has a very expensive computer.

I have always asked her if she needed money for specific things, like a Hong Kong passport etc. I gave her a lot of money for her birthday. I have dropped hints about me supporting her and her giving up her job. In my latest EMF I wanted to ask her if she could work part time. She has however made it clear that she does not want to be a burden on me, she has made that clear in her earliest EMFs. It is also a big risk. Jobs are hard to come by in that part of China. I think it would also help our visa application if she had a job.

Miss Wu knows her job isn't great. That's not my opinion, it's her opinion. She wants to change careers. Her best friend is studying her way out of the tough Chinese way of life. Marriage is another option.

So don't get me wrong. I love Miss Wu. This is why I find it so difficult. The stuff I post here is what's going round in my head, not the stuff I tell her. The 24 hour rule has kept this relationship alive.

As to Miss Wu's real name, guys this is a public forum. If it was a closed forum and we all trusted each other then I would reveal more. But I don't trust everyone looking in. We have chnlove spies, agency spies, even men who faked their own death :s.

[shaun]

Brett,

I will say this as kind as I possible can. Please understand that we all want to see you successful.  Many of us see the problem here as you and not Ms. Wu.  At first we offered suggestions to you on ways you could change the situation and you brushed us off.  Some of us became more aggressive in out comments hoping to get it through your head that it is you that needs to do some serious changing.

You are condescending tone is unbelievable.  The fur rises on my back every time you say Miss Wu's slave job.  Brett, her situation is not uncommon in China.  It is accepted there.  The problem is that you speak down to her and everyone else on this site.  We really do not need to see her letters to see how you talk because we see it here.

If is my opinion and I think others will agree that she got fed up with your attitude and went elsewhere.  I am sorry to say this to you but if you want to find a good Chinese woman and have a successful marriage you will need to change your approach and attitude.

I will offer you one suggestion through PM.  I hope you will take my advise here because all of the men here on this site want to see everyone find success.  This is maybe the only thing we all agree on other than we all love Chinese women.

Shaun

[Irishman]

Fellas, lets try and put personal differences aside.

It took me four women before I found one that was a good match and I suppose I learned a little each time and it really does suck when something like this happens so lets cut Brett some slack.
We wont know for sure what the reason of all this truly is but I think probably Willy is closest here, maybe there has been money issues in the background and she has left or been kicked off off Chnlove for not paying fees? I think Brett should have discussed this with her before but maybe she thought he would run if she brought it up?, who knows now, lesson for the future.

A brotherhood stands beside their brothers in their best and worst times. What ever you feel about Breet, no doubt he needs our support and encouragement right now, the analysis can come later.

[David5o]

abigbutt,

Just to pick you up on your comment about your country saving UK during world war 2.... If you go back and read the facts, America on it's own saved no-one. World war 2 was an allied War, which saved Europe and probably America too from a future of rule by fascists....

David.......

[ron]

Brett it was my intention to have you reread some of your posts so you could see where your headset was.Customer care would contact that agency and have them find out what happened to your Miss Wu. Whether she had them remover her profile or what.You id say her mother was ill.There could be many reasons I am not trying to give you hope just understanding.If she sent you mail you know that may take forever to get to you.I dont know if you have her cell number or home phone .I wish you the best in whatever you decide.You have been there so you realise the situation financially over there .I think most people on this site does.Some of your posts seem to shout your disapointments.I dont know what an ex scientist is unless that was a joke ?Anyway I hope you get some kind of resolution from this and can move on.I wouldnt worry about spies and all that I dont think there is much they can do unless your planning something against the agencies .That seems like to much James Bond to me lol.Have a great day
   Ron
David you are right we didnt save anyone thats why we have allies to help each other

[Willy The Londoner]

abigbutt,

Just to pick you up on your comment about your country saving UK during world war 2.... If you go back and read the facts, America on it's own saved no-one. World war 2 was an allied War, which saved Europe and probably America too from a future of rule by fascists....

David.......

Glad you got in first David otherwise I would probably have more 'Political' postings removed from the forum!!!!

Willy