Jimmy, as one of the guys that seems to have fallen in somewhere in between here's my (euro) 2c.
I am on chnlove about 1.5 years now. i think I've written to about 10 girls approximately. Only one of them was an obvious fraudster - P630005, it was virtual porn writing until i suggesting going there and meeting her (she got sick and couldn't write, then she was very busy in work and couldn't write..and hasn't written in months!!)....
i think the scammers are less than the real ladies, but the b/s rate of emf's is high.
How to judge if its real?..ask for candid snaps, ask for qq or msn details, ask for skype/qq/msn webcam (skype is the only one that will often work) .
If she wont send you a candid photo then in my opinion she is not real, Chinese girls take pics all the time of each other, anyone that claims different hasn't ever dated a modern Chinese girl.
She wil likely be embarrassed about her English, you need to reasure her, if needed do it at the agency with the translator there.
Do not go to China to marry a girl you haven't met or seen or talked to before unless you have balls the size of T-Rex and get lucky that shes a fox!!
Greetings Brothers,
Yes i also have noticed that lately we are seeing a lot more doom than success in the posts. Longterm relationships ending, newer ones seem to be getting harder to establish etc.
As you all know Zhen and I are the exception to virtually all the guidlines we have here. The first candid picture i ever had of Zhen was taken by me with my own camera. The pics she attached with her letters were professional pics but without the chnlove logo. However we did exchange all contact info very early in our relationship and also webcams through skype and her agency.
I am really lucky in that Zhen's agency is truly one of the great ones, that truly cares about the ladies the work with. They have helped both Zhen and me out many times with things that are technically not part of the deal. Also as those who have read my posts know our face to face meeting was a complete transition from our letters to real life. The "chemistry" that is so elusive apparently was there in huge buckets and we were a done deal instantly.
It truly saddens me now when I read of so many of the brothers and their ladies having so much difficulty when Zhen and I had it so easy. I wonder sometimes if we are not getting too caught up in the negative and it is tainting how we are looking at things.
When I started on chnlove I wrote to four at once and then another added herself to the mix. The first four I let go within a week and concentrated on the fifth, but she could not get past my divorce situation and that one ended. So from Zhens first letter on July 17 there were five ladies I wrote to plus Zhen. Obviously there has been no one since I replied to Zhen. We clicked deeply and completely so fast it was unbelievable. We have discussed virtually every subject that should be important to a couple from where to live to do we want more kids to work etc etc. We are in complete agreement on everything. To say that we have each found our soul mate is an understatement of epic proportions. Its more like I have found the female side of myself.
So yes all the advice given about getting natural pics webcams QQ emails etc is all valid, I think that perhaps there is also everyones perceptions as well. It seems many of the brothers are quick to call scam or BS or doubt at the slightest thing. Are we becoming paranoid here? Even for me and Zhen both in letters, webcam and in person, there have been things said or done that made little or no sense to the other. The difference I see is that we took the time and the patience and the TRUST, to clarify and work out exactly what the issue was. Guess what guys every single instance was either poor translation, poor perception, or just plain old poor choice of words.
So for me I would suggest when you look through the profiles and find that lady that makes your head swim and your heart race, put all your doubt and negativity in a box and lock it in the basement. Go at things with an open mind and a willingness to trust. Be positive and let your feelings show in your letters. If you hold back it shows. If you think a dozen emfs is too soon to say I love you or hear it from her is too soon, then I suggest you ananlyze again. It worked for Zhen and I. Perhaps from our western jaded cynical point of view that is too soon but for the ladies it seems they are prepared to commit much faster and more deeply than we are. Perhaps our perspective is so tainted by the way western women deal with us that we are having difficulty seeing the beauty and the love that these wonderful ladies offer to us and we look for reasons to doubt. Maybe we need to just open up or hearts and our minds to see what is right in front of our eyes.
The only true way to know if you are speaking with the one you think you are is face to face. Even webcam can be deceiving if there is a translator involved but at least you get a true look at the lady you are talking to. I think the big issue right now is trust. We always here of the failed ones or the possiblle scam ones but rarely now do we here of the ones who are happily writing to their ladies and developing a deep and lasting relationship. It seems that most of the news we are seeing on the forums is failure or doubt or mistrust. We need more happy stories, or even just progressing well stories, hell even funny or weird stories.
Anyway this as always is my long winded take on things and yes I am biased because Zhen and I will be together in only two more days when I move my life to China to be with her. So guys be positive and try to trust before you suspect, use the 24 hour rule and the different culture different customs rule ( Thanks Maxx for those), and go find that one woman in the world that you cannot live without. I have and many others have so you can too, all it takes is faith and trust.
Regards,
Zhen and Brian,
Together at last forever.