JUST FOR A LAUGH

[David5o]

Friends Re-United





I wonder how many of us men has changed as much?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Smart Arse Answers Of The Year


SMART AR**D ANSWER 6
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: 'Would you
like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART AR**D ANSWER 5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket not
your stub.'

SMART AR**D ANSWER 4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's
store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'

SMART AR**D ANSWER 3
The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for
speeding, rolled down his window.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.

SMART AR**D ANSWER 2
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read
'Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it...
Cars are backed up for miles...
Finally, a police car comes up...
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to
The driver, 'Got stuck, eh?'
The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'

SMART AR**D ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final
exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury,
illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student,
shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write the
exam with your other hand!'

This next one actually happened

This reminds me of a good friend Wendy, of my late Wife. Who worked on the Cheese counter at ASDA's in Basildon, Essex.

On a Friday night there was a really long cue for the cheese counter, and there was a guy getting quite agitated at the amount of time he was having to wait/cue. Eventually he got to the counter, and gruffly said to Wendy ''have ya got any fucking cheddar'' without batting an eyelid, she came out with the following '' now let me see sir,  Hm mm we have mild cheddar, mature cheddar, coloured cheddar, and sliced cheddar, but I'm sorry can't see any of your fucking cheddar here tonight!!''
All was said in a complete deadpan face, except for that little shop assistant smile as she looked him square in the face at the very end. The cue fell all over the place laughing.... the guy just bought his 1lb mild cheddar and almost run, getting away from that cheese counter... haha!!  

David....

[David5o]

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Human Race

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and
they had children and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said,
'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,
and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered,
'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'

[David5o]

Cough!!

The owner of a Chemist walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's too afraid to cough!"

[JimB]

As you all know, I am retiring next week.  I have been training my replacement for about a month.  Finally this morning, I told her one last thing.  That I was leaving 3 envelopes for her.  She asked why would you do that.  I told her.  The first time you screw up big, open the first letter. it says "Blame it on Jim", she asked what is in the 2nd letter, Blame it on the system that you didnt know.  She asked well what if I screw up the third time? I told her, It says, prepare three letters.  (True story)

You know sometimes people ask the most obvious questions just for something to say.  It does get irritating at times.  I do not have a dog but last week my sister asked me to stop by and pick up dog food for her.   Standing in line behind me was a little chunky very smart mouthed women. She was being rude to everyone around her.  i know you have seen them.  Anyway she turns to me and asks, do you have a dog?  I thought for a moment and said no I do not, she asks very haughtily," well then why do you have dog food then?"  I told her I was on a Purina diet.  She looked at me like I was crazy.  She asks, very curiously, "Does it work"  I told her of course it does, I had lost 50 pounds until i wound up in the hospital.  I continued, it does work, dog food has all the nutrients your body needs. I just carry around a pocketful and every time i get hungry I just eat a few pieces.  While she was trying to peek at the ingredients on the dog food bag. She asks, if the ingredients are so good for you how did you end up in the hospital, she asked liked she had caught me.  I said, said well it does have one little drawback,  I stepped into the street and bent over to sniff a dogs ass and a car hit me.  
Everyone in line just broke up laughing except the snotty woman.  I will bet that she will not ask anymore questions of people waiting in line.

[David5o]

British Passport Application


Dear Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!
Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor...
who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen.

[David5o]

I AM NOT HUNGRY

A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?"
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something." A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra . . . I'm still not hungry."
Well," she says, "Would you mind please letting me up now ? I'm bloody starving."

[David5o]

Bert's New Boots

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'

Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.'

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'

Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'

'Nope', she replied.

'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied:

'Ya Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.
Shoulda bought a hat.'

[David5o]

Baptising an Irishman

An Irishman, is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,
'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
 'Yes, oi am.' ...Shouts the drunk
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'
The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.
He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus me brother?'
The drunk again answers, 'No,oi I haven't found Jesus.'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again ---
but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus yet.?'

The Drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, 'Are ya sure dis is where he fell in father?'
______________________________________________________________________________________



SOMETHING FOR US BRIT'S TO PONDER OVER

Common knowledge?

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600 employees and has the following employee statistics:

29 have been accused of spouse abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

9 have been accused of writing bad cheques

17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71 cannot get a credit card

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shop-lifting

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year

Which organisation is this?

It's the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us inline.

What a bunch of arrogant hypocrites we have running our country - it says it all. And just to top all that they probably have the best 'corporate' pension scheme in the country, courtesy of us, the tax payer.
______________________________________________________________________________________


It might be a joke, ... but you can't be sure with Ryanair


Cick on the picture to enlarge...

[David5o]

These People Live Among Us


The most ridiculous complaints made by holidaymakers to their travel agent, taken from research by Thomas Cook and ABTA:-


"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"


"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."


"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."


We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."


"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."


"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."


"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."


"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."


"On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all.


We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."


A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".


A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.


"The beach was too sandy."


"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."


A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.


"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."


"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."


"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."


"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

and finally-

"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."______________________________________________________________________________________



For Our Sins!!

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again.

For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box’

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said,

'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'

The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'

The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'

The priest thought long and hard and then said,
'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'

The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'

The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a Mass for the poor creature?'

Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'

Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya think £5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'

Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking . We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins? '

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'

[David5o]

Speak To Me!!!!

A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her
Stammerers Action group, an Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman. She had tried every technique in the book
without the slightest success.

Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said "If any of you can tell me the
name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have
wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes
water. So, who wants to go first ?"

The Englishman piped up. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham", he said.

"That's no use, Trevor" said the speech therapist, "Who's next ?"

The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".

That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish.

How about you, Paddy ?

The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out
" London ".

Brilliant, Paddy! said the speech therapist and immediately set about
living up to her promise.

After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for
breath and Paddy said







"-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry".

[David5o]

East London Translations


Again I apologise before you read this, especially to anyone called Sharon or Tracey, haha!!

Will and Guy have created this guide for those of you who will venture to the East End of London,  
the accent is not unlike true cockney, but without the rhyming slang.

We recommend that you speak each phrase or word out loud before reading the translation which we have supplied:alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item: how much is it?

amant - Quantity; sum total ('Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend'): amount

assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness or disability: housebound

awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ('That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day'): horse

branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ('Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ‘ave you been on sunbed?'): browner

cort a panda - A rather large hamburger: quarter pounder

Dan in the maff - Unhappy ('Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff'): down in the mouth

eye-eels - Women's shoes: heels

Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre: Thurrock

garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: 'Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper'): garage

Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island: Ibiza

lafarjik - Lacking in energy ('I feel all lafarjik'): lethargic

OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs: hello

paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport: newspaper

reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover ('I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig'): rebound

Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday: Southend

tan - The city of London, the big smoke: town

webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. ('Webbats is me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour'): whereabouts

wonnid - Desired, needed or Wanted by the police: wanted

zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. ('I told ya a fazzand times already'): exaggerate

[David5o]

How to live longer

 

My Doctor's advice

I recently asked several questions and here were his responses:

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make yo u live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop
can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for
you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Cheese burger in one hand - chocolate in the other - =2 0 body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[David5o]

Arn't Old People Wonderful!!

An Uplifting Story

This letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.

An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind.


Dear St Josephs School:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon.

I am 84 years old and live at Grove Park , Home for the Aged.

All of my family has passed away.

I am all alone and I want to thank you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces.

It was awful and she was in tears.

She asked if she could listen to mine, and naturally I told her to fuck off.______________________________________________________________________________________



Mafia Don and Stupido Grandson

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bedside.

"Grandson, I wannayou lissinato me. I wannafor you to take my chrome-plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa," said the grandson, "I really don't like guns. How about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead."


""Stupido You lissinato me!" said the Don. "Sommaday you gonnabe runnada business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsamoney, a big home and maybe a couple of bambino.
.
"Sommaday you gonncoma home and maybe findayou wife innabed with another man.Whattayou gonnado then - pointato your fuggin' Rolexawatch and say, TIME'SA UP?"

[Vince G]

Bubba & Viagra…
 
Bubba went to the doctor's office to ask for a double dose of Viagra.
 
The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose.
 
"Why not?' asked Bubba.
 
"Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor.
 
"But I need it really bad,' said Bubba.
 
"Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor. 
 
Bubba answered, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I must have a double dose."
 
The doctor finally relented saying, "Okay, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any bad side effects."

On Monday, Bubba dragged himself in to the doctor's office, his right arm in a sling.

The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"

Bubba said, "No one showed up."

[David5o]

Are Cypriots Materialistic?

A Cypriot was driving along in his brand new BMW with his hand hanging out of the window. A truck driver coming in the opposite direction collided with him ripping off his arm and the entire right hand side of his new car.

When the police arrived he was lying by the roadside yelling "MY beautiful car, my beautiful new car". At this point the policeman pointed out that the fact his arm was missing, and might have slightly more of a problem. "Oh no!" yelled the Cypriot ......."Not my f...ing Rolex as well! "