JUST FOR A LAUGH

[Robertt S]

[Robertt S]

[Robertt S]

[Robertt S]

[JohnB]

50 Shades of Golf

Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years..
two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him
he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with
four drinks set up!

"Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your misses into letting
you go?" "Well, I've been here since last night.. yesterday evening, I was sitting in
my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my
eyes and asked, 'Guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a
nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles
and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading '50 Shades of Grey'...... On the bed
she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so
I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So--- Here I am!

[Gus]

 

[JohnB]

Paul told me he called his Aunt Karen in Ohio today. She had told him that she and his
uncle Frank made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other
if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first
contact: "Karen, Karen... can you hear me now?"

"Is that you, Frank?"

"Yes, I have come back as we agreed."

"That is wonderful! What is it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning and have sex. I have breakfast and then it is off to the
golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of
more times. Then I have lunch (and Karen, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another
romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.

"After supper, it is back to the golf course again. Then I have more sex until late at
night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day, I start all over again".

"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?"

"No -- I am a rabbit somewhere in San Diego". 

[JohnB]

The madam opened the brothel door in Salt Lake City and saw a rather dignified,
well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

"May I help you sir?," she asked.

The man replied, "I want to see Valerie."

Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone
else," said the madam.

He replied, "No, I must see Valerie"


Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie,
and they went upstairs.

After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she
was too expensive.

"There are no discounts. The price is still $5000."

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again.

Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he
paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me
three nights in a row. Where are you from?"

The man replied,"Idaho".

"Really," she said. "I have family in Idaho."

"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her attorney."
"She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three (3) things in life are certain:

1. Death

2. Taxes

3. Being screwed by a lawyer!

[Gus]

 

[Robertt S]

[Robertt S]

[Robertt S]

A young Arkansan boy goes off to college. Half way through the
 semester, having foolishly squandered all of his money on his girlfriend, he calls home.
 "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"
 "That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?"
 "Just send him over here with $1,000" the young Arkie says "and I'll get him in the course."
 So, his Father sends the dog and $1,000.
 About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
 "So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his Father asks.
 "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't
 >believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"
 "Read!?" says his Father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
 "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
 The money promptly arrives. The Arkie and his girlfriend are able to buy enough marijuana to last the whole semester. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his Father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. Even though he was always pretty much able to lie his way out of trouble, the Arkie asked his girlfriend to help him think of a
 really good lie to tell his Dad. She very quickly came up with a plan for him.
 So she has him shoot the dog.
 When he arrives home at the end of the year, his Father is all excited.
 "Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
 "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does".
 "Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your Daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"
 The Father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that lying damn dog before he talks to your Mother!"
 "I sure did, Dad!"
 "That's my boy!"
 The kid married his girlfriend, they both went on to law school in Fayetteville , he became Governor of Arkansas and President of the United States , and you already know what a lying bitch his girlfriend turned out to be..

[Mark]

brb

[Robertt S]

[Willy The Londoner]

The kid married his girlfriend, they both went on to law school in Fayetteville , he became Governor of Arkansas and President of the United States , and you already know what a lying bitch his girlfriend turned out to be..

Well at least the  present one does not need a girlfriend to lie He does enough of that himself

Willy