JUST FOR A LAUGH

[David5o]

Don't step on the ducks


Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a BLOODY DUCK!"

[David5o]

It's The Way You Tell Them!!


It's not what you say it's the way that you say it............
To help you to forget your everyday problems and read how others put their thoughts into words......these are genuine clips from uk council complaint letters.

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle, very badly, when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it, yesterday, and now she is pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2

[David5o]

On An Oriental Theme



After no dates or sex for 5 yrs a woman goes to see a chinese sex therapist. Dr Chang.

He says Take off all your clothes and get down and craw reery, reery fas to other side of room.

She does that.

Now craw reery, reery fas back.
As she did Dr Chang shook is head.

Yr problem vewy vewy bad you have worse case of Ed Zachery disease ive ever see, dat why you get no date or sex.

Woman says "oh my god" whats Ed Zachery disease. Dr says its when your face looks Ed Zachery rike your arse

[David5o]

Ask Walter


The following is an example of why men do not usually write advice columns.

Ask Walter
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.
I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Norma



Dear Norma:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.

Walter


What's all the fuss about??  I think Walters answer was direct and to the point, and covered all the relevent points to Normas Question.... hahaha!!

[rockycoon]

It's The Way You Tell Them!!


It's not what you say it's the way that you say it............
To help you to forget your everyday problems and read how others put their thoughts into words......these are genuine clips from uk council complaint letters.

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle, very badly, when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it, yesterday, and now she is pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2

Think of the Bennie Hill song as you read these...:fi_lone_ranger:

[David5o]

You Just Can’t Make These Up!   Remember, .....These people walk among us!!!

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone point on the wall".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"
Operator: "Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France)
"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the
number on".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it.
If I turn the clock on the computer back two weeks will I have my file back again?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute; I hadn't inserted it yet, it's still on my desk, sorry.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Karen, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: My new keyboard is not working.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK!
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes!
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does works...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it in windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is in a window, and his printer is working fine."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P.....on your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest in a long time and I am sure it echo’s the frustration call centre staff feel at times, however, I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble?"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you log out?"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: “It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.”
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put yourself in the right angle where you can see?"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark?"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not?"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......................................A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Tell me, do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!"

[David5o]

The Male Brain.





Must be something wrong with mine, ...... only half of mine is like this!!!



_____________________________________________________________________________________



A Beautiful Wedding


Imagine the following:
You have just made it through your wedding ceremony and step out onto the church steps

The photographers raise their cameras following your family tradition, both of you hold white doves Which you will release together You and your new bride stand shoulder to shoulder with a dove in your hands as your friends and relatives eagerly wait The main photographer gives the ready signal and you open your hands toward the sky

Not a dry eye in the house, the cameras flash non-stop; That moment is preserved for eternity







______________________________________________________________________________________





In What Language??






Had this emailed to me once, and I think it's a Scandanavian company, possibly Finnish or Danish. Apparantly it's the genuine article too - picture taken by a British tourist who couldn't believe his eyes!!

[David5o]

_________________________________________________________________________________



How Not To Take Those Holiday Photos!

[David5o]

You Cannot Hide the Truth From Kids!



A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play Date.

Mommy," the little girl asks, "How old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.

"It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.

"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly,"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

[David5o]

Dublin personal ads


How can you possibly not love the Irish? These were actual "Personal Ads" in the Dublin News:


Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and has been known to start fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.

-------------------------------



Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by longtime fiancée, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.

------------------------



Ginger haired Galway man, a troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shitty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.

-------- ------------------

Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest.

--------------------------

Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.

--------------------------



Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed super model, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin sister.__________________________________________________________________________________




Two Women Talking



Ladies talking in Heaven...........

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I Froze to Death.

2nd woman: How Horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere
that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere,and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

[David5o]

Only In America!!.....

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

[David5o]

Aussie Radio Humour

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykqWMl9IVRw

This is a really funny Audio clip taken from an Aussie radio station.

[Vince G]

Confucius Says:
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in Front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind Car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one Chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who scratch butt Should not bite fingernails.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many Prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong: Man with four balls cannot walk.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not Determine who is right, war determine who is Left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put Husband in doghouse soon find him in Cathouse..
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with Wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails To build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like Hell, bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in Glass house should change clothes in Basement..
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in Other man's well often catch crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator Smell different to midget.

[David5o]

With Compliments From Deniz

Received this in my mail today from Deniz. It must be a score from the horny section. (yes it's a female)

Click on image to get full effect.

[David5o]

____________________________________________________________________________________




WAL MART

The Wal-Mart Greeter
 
A very loud, unattractive, mean woman walked into
Wal-Mart with her
Two kids yelling obscenities at them all the way
through the entrance.  
The Wal-Mart Greeter says "Good morning, and welcome
to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
"Hell no, they
Ain't twins. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 6.
Why the hell would
You think they are twins? Are you blind, or just
stupid?"

"I'm neither blind nor stupid", replied the Greeter.

"I just couldn't believe for the life of me, that you got laid twice"