JUST FOR A LAUGH

[David S]

"No sir -- that's where the end of the line is right now.

Good grief. someone in Kansas City had the same problem an hour and a half ago but the line was only back to Wichita then and it was only 175 miles long.  I guess they'll have a tedious interview process.:angel:

[Vince G]

"No sir -- that's where the end of the line is right now.

Good grief. an hour and a half ago someone sent me this same story and the line was only back to Wichita then it it was only 175 miles long.  I guess they'll have a tedious interview process.:angel:

Depends on where in line you are when you email it? I guess. It's cold out here tonight. :icon_cheesygrin:

[rockycoon]

David are you holding that screw gun, and wire with a hard hat on, to try and make us think you work for a living....LOL

On the otherhand a chinese girl could see that picture and invite you over to fix her backed up sink.....:icon_cheesygrin:

[David S]

David are you holding that screw gun, and wire with a hard hat on, to try and make us think you work for a living....LOL

Hey, it seems to work for my boss.  At least he keeps signing the pay checks any way. ROFLMAO!!:angel:

[David S]

Why do we let our verbs hang out with prepositions? They have such a bad influence on them. Take the infinitive “to Knock” for example, it gives us the happy feeling that a friend as it the door. But let it hang out with some prepositions and we get negative connotations. EG: knocked out, knocked over, knocked around, or even knocked up.

[David5o]

Questions



Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?
A. About three inches.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!_________________________________________________-




Who Wears The Pants?

A young couple gets married and on the first night the husband, a big man takes off his trousers and throws them to his wife and says, "Put these on".
She puts them on and says "Heh, I can't wear these, they are too big for me" to which he replies "That's right!" and "Don't forget it - I'm the man who wears the trousers in this family"
With that young wife takes off her knickers and says, "Try these on".
He only gets as far as putting them over one knee to find he cannot fit into them and says "Hell - I can't get into your knickers" to which she responds "Yes and you Bloody well won't either, ...unless your goddamn attitude changes''


__________________________________________________



Drink


A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in
his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that
one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.

This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, 'Why
do you keep looking in your pocket?'

The man replies, 'I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I'll be going home!'

[shaun]

shawn, let me know when your ready to sneek across the border and I'll hook you up with a good coyote.  He is cheap and reliable.  ten thousand illegal mexicans can't be wrong....:icon_cheesygrin:   Do you speak spanish?  Hope you don't have claustrphobia, cause those car trunks are getting smaller....LOL

Rocky,

I don't think it is a problem getting into Mexico just getting out.  It is getting them into America that is the problem unless you know where the checkpoints are.

I grew up in a town mentioned in a 70's song where the first line is, "up in the west Texas town of _________________. "  Name that town and the song writer.

Second.  Jackie Chan was in a movie and his character name was Jen Wen.  What was the American pronunciation of that name and what city did the American name almost buy property in?

I do speak muy pocito Spanish and I am quite familiar with moving illegals across the border.  Since the statute of limitations has run out I will tell you my name in Mexico; it is Sr. Pene Grande. :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cool:

No fair using google translate.

Shaun

[rockycoon]

Ok the town was El-paso senor, And I am know as EL verga Grande, but I am looking for is a senorita with a penche panocha. But not one with a fuche capesta....LOL  
no fair using google....he he

There once was a man from Leeds (england) who swallowed a packet of seeds...
now his hairy old ass is covered in grass and he can't sit down because of the weeds......snickerYou finish this one....

Here I sit all broken hearted, tried to....(you fill in this area)......:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:Another fill in.....

Here I sit, all sweaty and dirty ...................4:30

figure that one out....:icon_cheesygrin::huh:By the way the singer was Marty Robbins......yah got me on Jen-Wen....:-/Chinese are easy to smuggle, you can fit 5 chinamen to a trunk that only holds two mexicans and stash the 6th one under the hood.....
:icon_cheesygrin:

[Vince G]

I do speak muy pocito Spanish and I am quite familiar with moving illegals across the border.  Since the statute of limitations has run out I will tell you my name in Mexico; it is Sr. Pene Grande.

Being the statute of limitations has run out on my old life too. I will tell of my Mexican name... it was El Kabong. :icon_biggrin:

[shaun]

Ah, El Kabong, I remember you.  So this why you are able to get mucho viagra so easy.   I don't know whether to send a hitman to you are buy more Pfizer stock. :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

[Vince G]

I'll do the thinning around here Bobalouie!  :fi_lone_ranger:

[rockycoon]

By more stock.....:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

[shaun]

Done!!!!!! :icon_cheesygrin:

The only problem is they wanted to give Viagra for dividends.  I said no, they said sell them to Willy.  How did they know that I know Willy? :dodgy:

This world seems to be getting smaller.

Shaun

[Vince G]

Done!!!!!! :icon_cheesygrin:

The only problem is they wanted to give Viagra for dividends.  I said no, they said sell them to Willy.  How did they know that I know Willy?

They meant the WVT on the NY stock exchange. Willy's Viagra Trade

[David5o]

WVT, ...??  Sounds more like an American TV or Radio station to me!!  haha!!

David...
__________________________________________




Senior Dating!


Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking.


Dorothy: 'That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.'
Edna: 'Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers!
Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car...A limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.


Then he takes me out for dinner... A marvelous dinner... Lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks.Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy,

I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!

So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.

Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way With me two times!'

Dorothy: 'Goodness gracious!... So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?'

Edna: 'No, no, no... I'm just saying dear, .....best wear an old dress.'


____________________________________________________




Daft Rhymes


Jack and Jll went up the hill, they planned to do some kissin'
Jack made a pass, and grabbed her arse, and now his front teeth are missin!!'

Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,  ...between two chunks of bread.