.
Did I READ THAT SIGN RIGHT???TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park: (I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
On a butcher's shop window in the Old Kent Road, hand written in whitewash by the Cypriot owner:-
"FRESH MEAT !! I KILL MYSELF EVERY DAY!!"
A sign on The Embankment in London read "Golders Green-3 miles" Underneath someone wrote
"TO YOU MY BOY ...2 AND A HALF!!!"
On a dry cleaner's window
WE WILL DYE FOR YOU.
A Shoe shop in West London is named :-
R. SOLES.
Took this in Mousehole Cornwall about year ago.
.
StatuesThere are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude
woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred
years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a
single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a
hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given
life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the
shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left,
"Would you care to do it again?"
He asks her "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, Oh, yes, let's!
But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeons down
and you shit on their heads."
AND WHAT WERE YOU....THINKING? .
The old ones are the best ..........not . Emotion party!!!EMOTION PARTY A guy decides to have a party where his guests are asked to come as different emotions e.g. fear etc.
On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a guy covered in
green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest.
He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" The guy says, "I'm green with NV".
The host replies, "Brilliant come on In and have a drink."
A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking
with a feather boa wrapped around her most intimate parts.
He says to this woman, "Wow! great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" She replies, "I'm tickled pink."
The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party." A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third
time, and the host opens the door to see two Irish blokes, Paddy and Mick, standing stark naked, one with his w1lly in bowl of custard
and the other with his w1lly stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and says, "What the hell are you both doing? You could
get arrested standing like that out there in the street.
Anyhow what emotion is this supposed to be?" Paddy replies,
"Welllll, Oim fokn discustard, and Mick here has just come in despair.