A new life

[rockycoon]

That is just too funny the video i mean...lol lol lol

[Willy The Londoner]

This is rob and willy lol just give the vid a min
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCqcMOB6STc

And I cannot see it - even using Ninjacloak.com:@

Willy

[Scottish_Rob]

Hi guys...
Today I have to use Maxx'x 24 hour (+) rule:@

To let you understand this morning Anne called me to wish me a happy new year.

During our conversation she said she had something to tell me and that she hoped I would not be mad with her:-/.

Once I looked at her photo after i came off the phone I realised straight away that what she was saying was true, and that it wasn't my imagination.  I told you all she told me she was 41, well as it transpires she lied to me, she is in fact 31...

The reason she gave me the first age was because she was very interested in me, and lied hoping that I would not find out.  She said she liked my look very much from the moment she met me.  However, in her words "I did want to start the new year with you with the truth, I am so sorry for not telling you this right away, I thought you would not like me if I said the truth to you".

So now guy's I'm in a dilemma.  Do I stop speaking to her and stop everything I had planned because of this lie, or do I get over it and see it for what it was to be with me?  The problem I have is that I DON'T LIE and I expect my other half to have the same morals as me.  The other problem is that when i started on this journey i said I would only go for a 15 year age range difference.

Help please guys !!!

[brett]

Blimey :icon_cheesygrin:.

[RobertBfrom aust]

She has spoken to you from her heart , you get on fine , so now she has cleared the air , just gallop along , age has no meaning except to Westerners , you act like a 40 year old and she is whatever , at least she will be able to wheel you around in your wheelchair ha ha , regards Ying and Robert .

[Vince G]

Happy New Year

For the little lie she told? It's not that bad compared to something like, she's married? or with child from another? It could have been worse. She's rectifying this for the new year so.... I say stay with her.

As for the age difference? I can't see putting a number to it. There has to be a +/- factor. Each woman is an individual and age has nothing to do with it. If she truly loves you? What's the problem?

[shaun]

Rob,

I think the others are right.  The relationship is well established now.  Though I do think a little punishment is necessary.  When you get back, do not go to bed with her for 1 week.

Shaun

[RegnisTheGreat]

How old are you?

[Vince G]

Shaun, who is that punishment for? That would be punishment for Rob. :icon_biggrin:

I have dated slightly older then I and much younger. But I never dated for the reason of age. Even now my lady is younger (17 yrs) but I did not pick her because of her age. I didn't go after her because she was that much younger. It came about because of the way we get along and fit together. I'm younger at heart and she's more mature then her age. I'm happy, she's happy what else do you need?

I'm adding this little exert. My lady is taking her first plane ride and out of China to S. Africa. I was explaining what to expect and added I have been flying about as long as she's been alive? True but I have no problem in this knowing the age.

[shaun]

Shaun, who is that punishment for? That would be punishment for Rob. :icon_biggrin:

I have dated slightly older then I and much younger. But I never dated for the reason of age. Even now my lady is younger (17 yrs) but I did not pick her because of her age. I didn't go after her because she was that much younger. It came about because of the way we get along and fit together. I'm younger at heart and she's more mature then her age. I'm happy, she's happy what else do you need?

Vince,

Just know it would be impossible to do.  Nor would he be willing.

Shaun

[RegnisTheGreat]

Rob: the question is at 31 she probably wants to have some children, are you ready for that? Are you OK with that? I think if you want to peruse the relationship then you should have that discussion soon.

[mustfocus]

Rob, I know you're kind of disappointed and the other guys have made their suggestions.  I don't think I could offer you any better advice, however I do want to point out something I think is very important.  Vince mentioned it.

Anne has made a confession to you.  She could have easily kept this hidden from you for much longer and depending on how scottish immigration is handled, that could have caused you more problems in the future.  She's showing that she's taking the relationship seriously and wants there to be nothing between the two.  Yes, you might have some doubts about whatever else she has told you about herself, but she's working to fix the problem.  What are you going to do about it?

You're feeling betrayed right now.  I think we can all understand that.  Is this a dealbreaker (man I hate it when business terms creep into this)?  That's really up to you.  I'm sure when we all started out on this adventure, we had many criteria of who we wanted to end up with.  I'll admit that when I began, I had this narrow list of things that "the one" would have to be before I considered a relationship.  But as time passed and through much interaction with others, my list has changed (but I'm not going to list them here).  Are there some things that I will not compromise on?  Of course!  But I've learned during my trips (before and now) that I have to be flexible with some things.  And trust me, that has changed my view on how I get along with others.

The point I'm making is that you have to decide whether she is worth it or not.  Are you looking for the flawless diamond or the persian carpet (yeah, I know...vague reference)?  One lie doesn't necessarily mean much in the whole scheme of things.  Everyone here has followed your story with great interest.  We've seen your ups and downs here.  Look at the size of this thread... 25 pages!  That's over 240 posts...  We all have a stake in seeing you happy.  We don't want to see you hurt.  But whatever you decide, I'm sure we will support you.

One final thing... I think you should ask yourself some serious questions here...

1) Does she make you happy? (I think we all know the answer to this one)
2) Why is she going after you?
3) Age aside, do you love her?

The last question is the clincher.  You've got some serious thinking to do.  I just hope you come up with the right answer.

[Arnold]

Rob , are you a western Man or what ? I don't think anyone here has ever not met a Woman that did not lie about their age . I have my 84 ? year old Mother in-law still not confessing about her age .
This is a minor thing unless you want to make it larger than it is really is . Or you have some doubt's about it all and are looking for a way out ? I sure hope this is not it . I would be very disappointed in you then . Now of course it's the age difference which is now 10 year's larger , but that is only on Paper and if both of you Love each other ... it does not mean a thing .
Now Regnis brought up a important point , does she or do you want Kid's ? This is exactly what QIng and I were tossing about for many month's ... should we or shouldn't we ? We decided .. YES . Get this out of the way and your free to keep building your Relationship further .
Happy New Year you lucky Guy and never forget that .

[Rhonald]

I told you all she told me she was 41, well as it transpires she lied to me, she is in fact 31...
Do I stop speaking to her and stop everything I had planned because of this lie, or do I get over it and see it for what it was to be with me?  The problem I have is that I DON'T LIE and I expect my other half to have the same morals as me.  The other problem is that when i started on this journey i said I would only go for a 15 year age range difference.
Help please guys !!!

Rob I had my ex-brother-in-law come over New Year's Eve. He came over to talk about marriage problems (seems his wife has been deceitful). We spent the evening discussing the tangled webs that are weaved when practising to "Conceive".

Now you ask a question that is too vague in its intent. My reply will be directed to the parts of your post I find I can shed light upon.

I do not agree with all the brethren here about the age difference. I believe it is very important. A long term commitment must have a solid foundation to last. But I am not refering to age as in how long someone has been on this planet. Age is important when talking about Mental Age and Functional Body Age.

Rob you have stated that you were looking for no more then a 15 year difference. Now would you rather have a 41 year old that looks 31, or a 31 year old that looks 41? Also ask the same for her mental maturity. Regnis has brought up a good point. At 31 there is a good chance she wishes to have kids. That is a more important discussion then her age, since I hope you understand now the difference of Birth age is of little consequence.

You actually answered your own question - Yes it is all about "or do I get over it and see it for what it was to be with me?"

Now for her lie to you - well that is I think the real gest of your concern. You say you don't lie - I understand where you are coming from. I am sure you have lied (you have been a boxer so I am sure you have thrown a feint) but I believe you mean in things that truly matter then you have been totaly honest. This is the warrior spirit in you and in this, we are akin. We believe in Honour. At the end of the day you can only ever be sure of your own Honour. It is shaped by a life time of deeds.

Your thread is titled "A new life".
Well friend, it is a New Year and she has decided in this spirit to come clean with you. It is a new life - a new year and fortune stands before you tempting you once again with its choice. I think you need serious discussions with her and to spend some quality time with her before you can truly answer the question you ask here. Good will Hunting my friend.

[David E]

G'Day Rob

Again the ugly "age" monster rears it's head and tries to derail another promising relationship....Gawd, there are so many other forces working against us in our quest to find our beloved, age shoud be one of the easiest issues to knock on the head !! There have been many, many posts written here on this subject, and I am sure you have read them all.

Rob, you are old enough, wise enough (and scarred enough !!) to realise that we dont live in a perfect World...and in this World there aint many perfct people !!!!

Way back when...at the time you two first met it was only the chemistry, the attraction, the mutual admiration that brought you both to a good place. The age thing was only numbers on a piece of paper...it was nothing to do with what happened between you both.

At this time, maybe your Lady was tired of being involved with shallow, sensless 30-something year olds who did neither want nor understand committment, love and the dream of a happy stable future...so she upped her age by 10 years to attract a more stable, mature and honourable Man ....Maybe

Women are allowed to use many "wiles" to attract the best partner, the underwear, bra and cosmetic manufacturers are forever grateful to this trait !!!:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

Had she decided to keep her "secret" in the hope that it would never become known by you...it would have been the bigger deceit.

In telling you the truth, this Lady has thrown some seriously big dice here...she is prepared to put her love on the line to have the truth out in the open....she knows full well that it could be a show-stopper for you....Man, that shows some high level of courage and committment on her part.

OK..cannot take away the issue that she told you a fib...and you gotta deal with that one way or the other. If you can find it in your heart to forgive and forget and move on into a new World...then thats great for both of you.

If whatever happens, your own sense of "honour and ethics" forever will mean that this fib gets held in YOUR heart...then it will be a poison between you that will eventually destroy everything.

The only black cloud introduced by this new information (IMHO) is the issue raised here about future children

But if you can never forgive and forget, and know that your real feelings for this woman transcend meaningless statistics such as age difference....then you have answered your own question...there is no future.

Ron makes the perfect point that age difference is important, but not the numbers shown on bits of paper...the difference is measured in character, attitude, wisdom and such things.

But dont spend the next 3 years searching and wondering what might have been, had you behaved with a bit more "charity" towards a woman who obviously think the Sun shines out of yer ass !!!

Not the easiest of decisions mate....but really, its not so difficult after all.

David