A new life

[rockycoon]

Look at it this way Rob, by the time she gets through translating that huge letter, you will be there and tell her yourself...:icon_cheesygrin:

[maxx]

Wise words Willy

[Willy The Londoner]

Hi Guys,

Just got off the phone to Scottish Rob a little while back

My comment to him in my last message have come to pass so to speak.  

He will probably catch up with you all later on this but in the meantime give him some more space as there will be no point in prolonging his pain by going over what has already been said or thought.

Willy

[ttwjr32]

Rob,

im sure a few of us are thinking this and what the hell im going to say it. sometimes TOUGH LOVE is
the best way. what ever happened to the one who you met and accepted you for any and all short
comings  'no pun intended' and then was gone just like that and now your dealing with this crap again
like the first one? why didnt you just stick with her?? the age difference couldnt be the only and real
reason for not wanting to talk and continue with her?? is that any different from saying you dont smoke but
in reality you do smoke??? cant have double standards to suit what we want. i was just wondering did you
ruin any opportunity to correct that because if i remember you two were doing well from what you wrote in
the forum. going against her mom if she does do that is just a recipe for DISASTER at a later date which
will breed resentment. seems like a dead end road eventually. ok i said it and i dont mean to be rude but
by god someone needs to say it THIS IS A TRAIN WRECK WAITING TO HAPPEN  

very sincerely said with no malice intended

Ted

[Scottish_Rob]

Ok guys here's the script....

The reason i stopped it with Anne was for 3 reasons.  And before anyone thinks about replying please take these thoughts into your head.  Don't look at it from what you your point of view. look at from mine...

1) She lied to me about her age...
Ok this was only a little white lie, I accept that...  However...., I had been lied to from my wife for I don't know how long, and from kathy 1, for a full 11 months.  How could I be sure this little lie from Anne would be the only one?   I thought long and hard about this, I did not make this decision easy.

2) I did not want to marry someone younger than my eldest daughter (33).
I knew in my heart that Anne would have had a very hard time from my daughter, ad also my eldest son...
The two of them are very much against this type of age group.  I spoke to them about it a lot, and they were very frank and truthful in their replies.

3) My peers
I am a very shy type of guy, believe it or not..I think a lot about what people THINK about me.
I know this shouldn't matter BUT to me it does.  I didn't want to walk down the street in the UK, and get people looking and sneering at me, they would be thinking 'Oh he is with his daughter or granddaughter' This is not me, I would NOT have been able to handle this situation...NOT with my Scottish Temprament...

That's the Anne situation talked about...

Now for the real story.
As you know me and Kathy 2 have spoken almost everyday 2 times a day.  I have told her everything and never lied about anything.  I told her about this site from day 1, yesterday I was talking to her and I explained about the 'Speaking Chinese Thread' and told her to view it.  This morning when I started speaking to her, she sent me a picture, which I thought was the usual 'Heart' that she sends me, so I opened it, and there was the picture of me and Anne, well the first thought that came to my mind was, that when I had sent er pictures, maybe that one was in amongst them

this was not the case...She had come into the site, and read my thread, all of it.  Now this is not a problem, because as I had said, I'm sure I told her.  BUT, she has intimated that I left Anne for her, which is NOT SO.  She wanted an honourable husband, because of my actions she no longer saw me as that.  She told me to go back and marry Anne, which IS NOT going to happen.  She also mentioned that SHE did not want to be that Chinese girl like Anne, again I tried to reassure her.  She told me that she needed time, of course that is understandable, but within the next 5 minutes, it was over.

There are many thoughts running round my head at the moment I can't seem to focus..
 I have decided tonight that maybe I am fighting another lost cause...And because of this, I am 'NOW'... NOT WILLING TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH ANY MORE GRIEF LIKE THIS.   3 Chinese ladies, 3 times lied too.  So I am not going to search for anymore Asian woman.
One thing I will say...I LOVED THIS WOMAN MORE THAN I HAVE EVER LOVED ANYONE

I will come back into the site now and again and read up, and try to help the brothers if I can...

but I will no longer be part of this brotherhood.

Thanks for everything guys, and the best of luck to each and everyone of you.
To those who are married have a happy life together
To those who are about to marry, good luck and I hope she is everything you hoped for
And to those who are still looking, good luck

[David E]

Robert !!!!!!

I am not going to obey the 24 hour rule....sorry.

So...your score is 3 Nil, some of us here can do much better than that !!........how about 6:1 !!

Lies ...I dont think there is a person on the planet who has not extended the truth in some way to suit whatever purpose is on the agenda....maybe you should ask yourself what is the motive behind "lies"...is it to deliberately hurt, or is it to try the best to put a good "spin" on a situation ?? A litle fib about age is not a hanging offense...dont be so Puritanical :icon_cheesygrin:

And what a bloody silly thing to do, to leave your photos of you and the ex on the site and invite your new Lady to view them.........talk about "waving a red flag at a bull " !!!! Being honest is one thing...........puting your ba**s in a meat grinder deliberately goes way beyond that !!!

And you know that you cant fall in love on the Internet..........only face-to-face will give you that.

Nobody here can stop you giving up, but dont simply give up for all the wrong reasons................people in glass houses...........:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

Whatever you decide, you have some firm allies here...and I am happy to be one of them. Anything I can do to help...just ask.

David

[Martin]

but I will no longer be part of this brotherhood.

Rob, you will always be a part of this brotherhood!

I don't really know what to say, but I thought David E said it well, so I will leave it at that.

[maxx]

Rob I'm really sorry to hear this.But why stop now you have come this far.Why not finish the game.Rob to tell you the truth.Finding the girl is the easy part.Holding onto the girl is alot harder.With all the twists and bumps in the road.Whe have all told you this before.If it was easy.Everybody would be doing it.

[Philip]

Hi Rob,
it hurts.
But I think it is too late. China is in your blood. You have started on the adventure of your life. With all the stories that have made your life and shaped the man you are, this one is the one that stands out. You have only started. This is like your first year at the stables. You need to get back on the horse.
There is no way you can write this experience off as a colourful exotic episode, and look at photos of the first time you got on a plane, the first time you went abroad, the first time you met and fell in love with a beautiful Chinese woman. You have come so far. You can't stop now.
As David said there are many guys here who have experienced failures, disappointments, have acknowledged their own stupidity, have got angry at seeing their investment of months of emotions, time and money vanish into thin air in a second from scams, misunderstandings, parental opposition, you name it. What did they do? Pick themselves off, dust themselves off, and start again. Why? Well, you have read the 36000 or so posts. You should know. We are no different from you.
Think not of what your present grief is giving you. Think of what this amazing country has made you into. I, for one, when I experienced disappointment and heartbreak on my first Chinalove adventure, simultaneously fell in love with China itself, and I knew with an uncharacteristic certainty that I would find the love of my life in China. You will too

[Rhonald]

What ever way the winds of fate will blow and if your ship does change course, I am glad that you did, for a while, share your story with us. I hope that if you embark on new adventures you will take the time to drop on by and keep us informed. The measure of a man is by the wealth of his friends. And I must say, that in this seaside tavern along the China shore, many friends will miss your departure to never again know more. :fi_lone_ranger:

[rockycoon]

Rob my friend, for petes sake, don't give up now....you scotts are tough and can bounce back.  Hey buddy, don't wear your heart
on your sleeve get back in there and give it hell.  Your my friend and I don't want to see you quit.  One will come around when you
least expect it.  Keep looking, and don't give up, it's like stopping in the middle of the race and saying "I give up", hey buddy, ya gotta
finish the race, give your all, cause if you don't, you will never know if you would have won.  I'm there for you bro, get in there and
finish that race.
Your bro
Don.

[ttwjr32]

Rob,

i would still hang in there, you can find a 100 local women and still not meet the
one for you. live your dream and return to China there is one out here for you in
some place that will lead to a wonderful life together.

DONT GIVE UP !!!!!!!!

Ted

[shaun]

Rob,

Forgive the avitar.  It isn't for you.

I know it has been difficult for you.  There have been many disappointments. Life is like that.  You win some and you lose some.  At 25 years of marriage I thought I had it made.  We were on the downhill stretch but it was not to be.  I discovered my wife had been lying about many things. I chose to forgive her and it was still not enough to save the marriage.

Rob one of the most beautiful thing about man is his resilience. What makes the true character of a man is not his disappointments and failures but how he picks himself up and moves forward.

We all know you are a good man with healthy blessing of good character.  Take few days, a week or two and re-evaluate.  I hope you will find that this is the only path you should take but that is what you have to discover.

There was a spirit or a vision that brought you down this path in choosing to marry a Chinese woman.  It is a vision that is different than most men.  It does not make you a better person, only different but Rob you are looking for something different that you cannot find where you are. Go back a look at that vision.  Think about it, re-evaluate it, adapt if necessary.

Rob, each of us want to see you here with us but we all understand you need to choose your path.

We will honor your choice and hope that it remains here.

Shaun

[Irishman]

Rob, I agree with everyone else here. You ARE one of the brotherhood, you most certainly are not the first one to not find love one the first time.
Just take a break mate, slow down, talk to your family, think about what is important to you and how you want to live in the future. has anything changed since you started out this journey ?, do you still want the same things for your future life.
Whatever you decide we are all here for you.

[Scottish_Rob]

Thanks guys...

I have been chatting with her since the other day...at first it was (From Her) "We not go on"   Last night it turned to "I cannot accept you and Anne..

( then came)..."We will talk about that later" which was in reply to me saying "We can still talk for now, get to know everything about each other and start again?"

So have decidedd to just give her a bit of space and time to think about what she wants to do..

I know you are right, China is in my blood now, things are often said in haste.  What I do know now is that if it does carry on with Kathy, then I will need to get over there ars soon as possible.  IF it turns the other way, then I will take my time, to search and go back...EITHER WAY...I will be back in China within the next year...