Thank you everyone. You made me realise the untimeliness of my opinions. I'm trying to sell umbrellas on a brightly sunny day, while risk of scams are obvious and major, and risks of losing a real lady is only potential and minor. But please allow me to stick to my stubborn idea. Repairing the atmosphere will help us avoid ultraviolate ray while wearing sun glasses can do less. So I perversely hope the thread started by Peter (pr1969) can win more popularity than it has now.
Jim, your topic is beyond my wisdom of love to discuss. To advance or to withdraw is a very subtle decision to make at some equally subtle points of a love affair. And you are being too tolerant to translators. They are doing much more than overlooking.
Alex, about risk rating. I just want to point out one word, interactive. I will explain it later more detailed when replying David.
Rob and David, first I want to discuss the topic of effort you all mentioned. You and the ladies are on equal status since you are both clients to some business orginisations, on your side, Chnlove, on the ladies' side, different agencies. Yet the peculiar mechanism of chnlove determines efforts are not equally laid upon each side, otherwise the fees of EMFs would have been paid by both sides, such as in the case of match.com. This seemingly unfair effort distribution is successful so far with chnlove and a lot other sites, such as cherryblossom, comes from this fact, it is generally accepted for men to pay more, in terms of money, in trying to build a relationship with a lady. But at least we can expect women to devote equally as we do in some aspects with no concern of money, such as prompt and decent response of EMFs, genuine interest in establishing direct contact? Surely they should. It is when they plan to pursue an overseas relationship painlessly and rewardingly, they fail to do so. The most seemingly painless and rewarding way for a woman, is to keep two or three men on her hook at the same time and meet them one after one to choose the best. I am not sure how often this method is practiced, but after stunned by your unfortunate experience David, I think I can let my speculation go a little wilder and say, more often than not. It is dishonest but indeed logical a way. Most women who joined an agency would as least be mentioned about it, I suppose. If on our side, we are keeping driving on this "painless and rewarding" road, what an end will we head for? Of course I'm sure our moral overrunning governor will function soundly. Just another untimely warning.
Now let's come to risk. I managed to find something to illustrate the rating system I mentioned before. I found some stuff from 14 articles which experienced colleagues of my agency wrote to ladies and new translators to read (by the way, Rob, I no longer work there or in this trade since mid-June).
In one article,
Types of different foreign men.
a?
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b?
c?
d?
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e?
f?
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a. gentleman,
b. naive, very casual and even careless,
c. men with frenzy for love
d. interested but unable, in other words, poor or not willing enough to overcome the barriers between languages, distance and cultures.
e. men with a lot of doubts, in other words, he doubts motivation of the lady, doubts the possibility of maintaining a long distance relationship and has other specific doubts in every letter.
f. arbitrary men
The woman who wrote these concluded that the former three types are low risk targets, and the later high risk and should be tested as early as possible or simplly given up.
In another article, another woman further listed some types of men to be warned against.
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?“???”?
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???40?
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1. business men
2. men with great bias of China
3. men not legally divorced or just divorced
4. men who jump into intimate topics too soon
5. men who say love too soon
6. men with a lot of doubts
7. men with little self-confidence
8. very self-oriented men
9. men who have never married when they are already over 40
10. men who are unable to visit China
11. very busy men
Some of the options make sense and some not. We can also see the two lists overlap in some options, especially that of doubts. On the whole, I myself disagree with them as much as or perhaps even more than you do. Ironically, the absurdity of their criterion comes from their own doubts. I only want to point out that, if we let our risk rating system be filled with many doubts too, ours might seem as ridiculous to ladies or bystanders.
Now I would like to return to the word interactive. A major difficulty of finding a satisfactory product from chnlove is its difference from a second car market. In the later one, we can bargain bargain and bargain, with shrewdness to win a trophy, perhaps despite even slight resent of the car dealer. But here, in most cases, to offer is a gesture to proceed and to start bargain untimely may serve an opposite aim to what we expect.
About your claim that much more risks, if not entirely, are placed upon men, I agree with you generally, otherwise I should have devoted more effort in helping ladies. But as long as ladies don't agree with us, our opinions make little sense. To let you have a glimpse of their psychology. In their opinion, their age is a diminishing value while men's is less likely; they are more vulnerable after moving to a totally strange country and if being abused, little can they do with little legal knowledge or kinship support, etc.
So let me ask this bold question, especially to you, David. Why still chnlove? I feel as much humiliated as you do for some people of my country have some such loathy deeds to you. Do Chinese women really possess that irresistible attractiveness? I understand and totally support your willingness to do something after endured such misdeeds. But what is the best policy to us? No certain answer comes to my mind easily.
Again, I insist in my opinion, the effort we are making so far to sort out scams will be very effective, maybe too effective, to serve its aim. But as to help us find a true love, I am not sure of its efficiency. Let me make another bold warning, start a chnlove adventure armed with a lot of caution and doubts may be a costly hide and seek game with no truly rewarding trophy at last. Using chnlove with more or less information from here means little. It’s like lottery rather than a chess game. Discouraging thought it might sound, luck is the most important. And my hope it to bring virtue and effort back to the top position.
It sounds harsh, whenever you try to think of some method, I pour cold water, yet I myself cannot propose a better idea. I feel most guilty for this impotence. This sense of impotence and guilty makes my thoughts fragmented. But I come to realise my words as a jigsaw piece of the whole picture. Now matter how tiny it is, I hope to contribute to the grand plan for more happiness and less sorrow.
