Shenzhen Express ... the final act

[jeffm]

Brett

Thanks for clarifying.  I agree all those books have pretty much the same foundation of what they are trying to say.  That one small section of the book I read really hit home for me, but then again it is based on studies of the west and in the U.S. in particular.  A little bit different dynamic in China, but again some issues are universal I think.

[Peter]

Expect nothing and be prepared for everything and use the 24-hour rule... This is the best rule to have in mind visiting China in search for a wife.. :exclamation:

[Voiceroveip]

Well in this case the women are from the east of Venus and the men from the west of Mars ... a bit more complex. I can testify that the original book applies quite well to my ex-marriage, although I only read bits a it turned out to be quite repetitive (written for western women?:angel:)

Another update:
Did a big shopping spree in Luohu and got some toys for my son and some counterfeit junk (de-branded where possible). Came back in the early evening and got soaked by the heavy rain.

My "angel" joined me in the hotel although a bit late this time, and sent me out to buy some things for her (fruit and tea) because she is still not feeling too good. I also had dinner by myself since she can't take the smell of food right now, and had a hard time in the super market finding the stuff she wanted, it appears she doesn't go to supermarkets often and has no clue what you can find there and what isn't available. At the end I had 2 sales staff and the manager following me around to find what I was looking for, quite comical, I sort of had a good time despite the fact that I was ready to put my feet up for the day. The final part of the order was some steamed bread, and I knew the restaurant in the same building as the hotel had some, so I went there with my Besta. It took another 45 minutes and lots of laughter with many of the restaurant staff to get that bread and go back to the room.

Of course by then, she was upset because it took me so long almost 2.5 hours according to her, but sure I did have dinner too. Anyway, the upset passed quickly. She made some tea and threw it out, tasted the bread and threw it out ... hehe that's life I guess. Nausea doesn't help of course. Then I am sent to the shower because I smell bad, she follows suit and we end up in bed watching Avatar on DVD since the internet connection in the hotel is very slow in recent days and PPS doesn't get enough bandwidth. She falls asleep after 20 minutes, wakes and tells me to turn the sound down (a whisper already) and falls asleep again. This morning she gets friendly wake up service from me as she has to go to work again, I actually get a kiss good bye, didn't expect one as the nightly cuddles seemed more like a quest for warmth, it is fresh here and no heating in the room, the AC is not reversible.

Oh her sister invited us for dinner last night, except that with my angel not feeling well that did not happen ... so sissy knows I'm here and includes me in plans, yet I don't feel loved really, talk about a situation.

I got QQ mobile working on my HTC Touch, so I QQ'ed with her while having late breakfast after she arrived in her office. Apparently I snore so loud she can't take it (I do snore sometimes, especially with a blocked nose, and the bed is so rotten hard that I move a lot during the night...) so she is sleeping in her place tonight, just across the road basically. The funny thing is, this means I won't see her at all tonight, hmmm ... would she do that if she loved me or is this east Venus?

So I ask her what her plans are for tomorrow night (note the distance in the question), she says she will spend the evening with me ... once she gets back from dinner with her boss ... anyone hear of a good party in Shenzhen? Tonight I'll have dinner with someone else I met last time here so it won't be too lonely, tomorrow, we'll see.

This is really a roller coaster ride, although now I jump off when it goes downhill and wait until things go in the upward direction before getting on again. Normally I stay in touch when I am out and about, QQ in Starbucks or an SMS from time to time. Today I'll start radio silence when I leave the room a bit later, I'm curious to see how that goes down. My cherryblossoms account is on standby, but I'm playing with the idea of opening it again to at least pass the time until I get home, I'm bored out of my brains now.

No conclusions for now, keep on the 24 hour rule or more, turn off hormones and hang in there until the return flight on Sunday, best I can do I guess.

More when there is more of course!
Frank

[Arnold]

Not good read for us Frank and definitely not good writing for you . Sorry , we can only share your not so great Story here . Remember how many Guy's here had no luck the first time around only to find their better half on the rebound . It alway's could have been worse ... right ?

[Voiceroveip]

Maybe I should add the stuff that she has said about me, depending on how this ends, it might be beneficial to others:

Praise:
Kind of cute, kind of attractive
Nobody has ever loved her so much
I'm a very very good man (said to our translator)

Criticism:
Too old, too fat, bald
Too hairy (chest)
My beard is too hard, need to shave twice daily
I snore too loudly
No Chinese culture (and I try my best)
Not rich enough
Maybe not her cup of tea

On the side:
Her mother wants to organize blind dates for her after seeing my pictures, mind you she's 53 and I'm 43.
For such a big age difference, I am not rich enough, what will other people think if she marries me?
To the question "do you love me?" she answers: I'm still very interested in you, I'm chatting with you ...
Her sister thinks I'm a nice guy (she's actually younger), although I met her for only 5 minutes.
My private parts are too big.
A Chinese husband would be a better option for her, culturally speaking.

Not good read for us Frank and definitely not good writing for you . Sorry , we can only share your not so great Story here . Remember how many Guy's here had no luck the first time around only to find their better half on the rebound . It alway's could have been worse ... right ?

Arnold, maybe I've been in China too long. Do you mean my writing is bad? Or just my story?

It can still get worse, it could have been a lot worse already, so it's not so bad, is that what you mean? If there is a round two it should be more successful with the applied experience of round one I guess ...

[Willy The Londoner]

Frank

Round two will be better and round three even better and so on until you get to the last round then you know you will have received the BIG PRIZE.

As your country man Eric Cantana said in UK in his now famous 'When the seagulls follow the fishing boat'  comment.  

Many people thought about that in amazement - but when the seagull follows the fishing boat he knows that eventually it is going to end up with what it was chasing.

The same goes for love in China.

Willy

[Danny]

although the night episodes are close and affectionate, the days are quite the opposite. She minds being with an older laowei in public, I knew that before, but now even in private during the day she does not initiate any affection, I noticed a couple of kisses being evaded... soI asked her the question last night, did she really love me or was she just enjoying nightly benefits with me? She couldn't answer really, apparently she was upset about what I said but tried to hide that. I explained to her that I thought that when in love, people tend to show that to each other in many ways, of which I didn't notice any except the ones falling in the lust category.

I used to wonder about this too, about showing affection in public. After wandering about Zhuhai and Wuhan for a couple of months in 2009 I have a much better idea about what is done and what is not done in public.

Older couples, in particulary, married couples, show very little affection in public. Younger people are often as affectionate towards each other as couples in the west. It seems to me to be perfectly acceptable for friends and lovers to walk along arm in arm or hold hands in public. Doing much more than this (eg a long kiss on the lips in public) is in my opinion, of questionable taste both in China and in the west.  

When I was Wuhan, we walked arm in arm or hand in hand everywhere. I felt so proud and happy to be walking along with her in this way. I cannot imagine being with someone who did not feel for me in this way. Being close in this way is such a special and sweet thing for me. It is so lovely when we're walking along like this, and she turns and smiles at me. Sweet indeed.

[David E]

Voice...

Youre flogging a dead horse there mate !!!...can you imagine "married bliss" under these circumstances you describe ?

Only person getting hurt here is you...and you should stop !!!

I heading down the "6th time lucky" road and I can speak with confidence as to how it is when someone REALLY cares for you...and I know many other Bros will tell you the same.

Dont allow yourself to be treated like a dish-rag...you are worth FAR more than that for the right woman...and she is out there somewhere, looking for you :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

Nil carborundum......(dont let the bastards grind you down ) !!!!

DavidE

[shaun]

Frank, David E is right.  There are many more women out there.  There is one ready and willing to make you feel like you are the greatest man in the world.  She may be a little older than you are looking but not older than you.

I could have found a younger woman but why?  Who cares she may be past her prime as far as looks are concerned, she still looks great to me and she takes very good care of herself.  Her figure is killer.  Best of all, she knows how to be a woman for her man.  My sweetheart is 46 and I am 54 and I am on cloud 9.

Shaun

[Sylvain D]

I am reading your news, Frank, and it reminds me about my first trip in China, thinking about Chongqing, and it wasn't very good for me. Thanks to the brotherhood, I could admit I went on the wrong way.
I tried to not believe I was all wrong about my story over there, but I had to open my eyes and realize how right was the brotherhood to comment.
Frank, as you are sharing with us all your trip and your story, for sure, there are things that need to be done, before you become "heartsicked man"

I mean, how dare can a lady say she loves you when I read that :
"Criticism:
Too old, too fat, bald
Too hairy (chest)
My beard is too hard, need to shave twice daily
I snore too loudly
No Chinese culture (and I try my best)
Not rich enough
Maybe not her cup of tea"

Damn...
For sure, I'd be in the plane right to France, or to the Agency, to meet any other woman..
If a lady would tell me I'm snoring, for sure, I'd be stressed, nervous, and I would also apologize... but... maybe can you have some "medecine" for it, to change it. I know man can snore less, but well, I tried one medicine, and I couldn't sleep for one entire night.. I just thought I could not speak at all... So I forgot about it..

Your chinese culture is not good??? So what? Even if you are doing your best, is she only trying to learn about your culture? My 2 cents that you will reply : "not even a word, except "Je t'aime" )

Not rich enough.... ===> if she wants to marry a millionaire, she can go in tv shows, or asking the agency to modify her profile on Chinalove... "i want to marry a rich man". "Eat my $$" should be a very good food for her each day?
Your beard is too hard? Well... ok, maybe you can shave it a bit, or leave it for a few days, then it can become sweet. Anyway, I agree that man can not shave everyday if his skin is not very good with it...

too old, too fat, .... ===> please run.

"My private parts are too big." =====> did you try to use Winzip to make it smaller??
Well... just tell her you didn't ask to have a spaghetti instead.... Haha

I don't know how you can do to act, or to stay over there, honestly. I admit anyway you seem to want something...
But please, I hope that love won't make you become blind if she is really as you are describing her, over here.
Sorry to be so "negative", but I think it is one of the best advices I could say to you, Frank.

[Danny]

Frank

This seems like a moment of truth to me. Like everyone else here, you have to work out what is important to you.

For me it was more important to find someone who was good and kind, who really loves me and wishes to share my life, than other things. Everyone struggles with this sort of thing. If it was so very easy, we would not have failed relationships and marriages all around.  

It's really easy to tell when someone really loves you: there's nothing they wouldn't do for you. That's how I feel about my woman and by her words and actions, I'm sure that's how she feels about me.  

Danny

[David5o]

Frank,

I think DavidE has said it all, Nothing more to be said really ...is there !!

One thing that raised my eyes a little here, she is obviously not a single young virgin is she, if she's comparing your tackle parts. ...If anything i would have thought she would have been pleased about that aspect, it was certainly my experience in China/Asia!! ...haha!!

David.....

[Sylvain D]

Maybe do chinese women think that western men have "big private parts", because they (chinese women) have small eyes???
Haha...

(just kidding)... :fi_lone_ranger:

[dude]

Frank,

Do you wish to have a woman that insist's on changing you? There are plenty of them in the west. Once you have questioned anything about this so-called relationship & didn't like the answer...you should have quickly moved on! I see some here in same predicament: occasional chats, not daily...woman giving mixed signals/true love has no mixed signals...desperately holding on to the last thread of nothingness...as I see it, many of these women are not so blunt about dumping guys as in the west, butt I'm sure they exist in China as well....LOVE AND INFATUATION ARE NOT THE SAME!!! I agree those emf's will sink a man into infatuation quicker than anything...and again the age difference...well I guess if we want to "purchase" a wife, good luck! I prefer having a loving relationship myself, so I chose someone that can be easier to relate with(we already have language barriers)...why stretch the difficulties??? As you and anybody, with at least a tiny bit experience with women will know, a woman that truly loves you will only want to make you happy, as you will do the same...something to always remember: infatuation+desperation=nothing...move on and chalk this as a learning experience! At least you had the late night fun...some here barely get the chance to hold a woman's hand...hahahaha!!!:icon_cheesygrin:

[jeffm]

Voice

CUT AND RUN!!!