Shenzhen Express ... the final act

[Voiceroveip]

Haha thanks for putting it so bluntly! I am coming to the same conclusions, don't worry!

Just to be clear about the criticism I summarized, this is a summary, it was said over time, most of the bad stuff during a couple of quarrels we've had, but sure she did say that...

Now onto Thursday report:

I did have dinner with someone else as planned, and surprise the phone goes at 20h30 and she is wondering where I am ... well dinner was over so I went back to the hotel and she joined me and we had a nice evening again, watched a movie and cuddled up together. Our relationship is developing  some complicity it seems, it was fun for me, I laughed a lot as we teased each other, first time this is so relaxed. I did snore again though it seems. Now everybody, don't panic, I'm not changing my outlook, after having taken some distance to the whole thing, observation is all the more fun.

Now we're QQ'ing again, I'll do some more shopping and will try to find a bottle of Champagne for tonight, I'm sure the phone will ring if I don't give sign of life in a few hours, this is turning into a game ...

More when there is more,

HAPPY NEW YEAR BROTHERS!

Frank

[rockycoon]

I don't know why she is complaining that your "unit" is to big, when she is using it at night. And why is the mother involved with this, is she jelious? If it's that hard, try vasaline....

[Sylvain D]

if only using it at night only, maybe does she compare it to a light torch? haha... have a happy new year, Frank

[rockycoon]

Frank, I have read a lot on this forum. I have to admit that I have come to the conclusion, that no matter what country they are from, basically they are all the same, no matter where you go.  The only thing that the chinese women are different is that they are cute and good looking. I've been married 3 times and all were failures so I am really really looking close as I have learned many lessons over the years.  It may take me years to find just the right one, but there are lots of fish in the sea.  If the gal is thinking like that about you, I'll bet there are 5 more ready to think differently about you at the agency.  They are ready to love you.  As I see it, if the gal really loved you, your looks, snoring, unit size, and all the rest of the complaints would not matter.  I am sure you overlook her habits.  Love is what is in your heart not what you look like or do.
that gal should be lucky to have you.  After all, how many women have someone who would travel that far and spend so much just to see them.
There are so many women out there that would be so thankful to have a guy like you.  So hang in there, I am sure there is a gal just as pretty or prettier that is waiting for you out there, be patient and she will  come along..

[ttwjr32]

i would move on from this one. this isnt a woman
 who wants to be in an equal relationship.  maybe a
 puppy to train would be good for her. to many really good
 ones to waste any more time on this one

[Voiceroveip]

Ok moving on, I realize now that I've been dragging to do so because I don't want to hurt her ... still feel sorry for her but I realize that my love has turned into affection and compassion, no matter how good or bad the last days were.

My flight home is leaving tomorrow night, I turbo packed my suitcase and hope to see her again just to give her a few of her belongings that she left behind the room. The miss is unreachable at present, she was supposed to join me this pm but her phone is off and no trace on QQ, but who cares in the end?

This is certainly an experience to remember for the lessons learned about the risks involved in cross cultural and cross language internet dating. I willingly fell prey to a translator (who meant no harm) and when I realized she was not at all like the person pictured after the EMFs, I let myself be guided by my hormones ... I feel real silly now and my bank account looks silly too, the 2 consecutive trips certainly punched a hole in my savings, but that's life I guess.

I will now focus on finding someone suitable in a more reasonable age range, and preferably divorced unless someone miracoulous comes across my way. Actually I will rethink thois whole long distance business and go out some more at home in parallel and meet some local girls, who knows?

If there is a last update I will post it of course, and I will e back for spring festival since that ticket is already booked.

Thanks again everyone for all your input, and don't worry about poor old Frank, I'm already feeling better now that indecision has made way to freedom and new adventures.

Happy New Year and Happy Hunting,
Frank

[Danny]

I feel real silly now and my bank account looks silly too, the 2 consecutive trips certainly punched a hole in my savings, but that's life I guess.

Frank

It's not so bad. I am sure you've learned a whole lot and you'll take away a lot of memories from this adventure. And besides, it's a whole lot better for you both to work out that it's not going to work out while you're there, than for her to throw everything up and move to your place. A divorce will assuredly make a bigger hole in your savings and state of mind, than anything you've spent on these two trips. Take it easy. You'll get lucky I'm sure.

Danny

[Voiceroveip]

Hi Danny,

You're right about the cost of divorce, hehe, I've been there. Luckily she never had the option to marry me ... I'm blind in love but not that blind either.

Ok heading out to get my last and solitary dinner in Shenzhen, still no news from the miss ...

All the best,
Frank

[ttwjr32]

i agree a divorce is quite expensive for the man
 especially in the usa when you have moderate
 success

[jeffm]

Frank,

I can relate to what you're feeling right now.  Your situation is very similar to mine, but it took me months to realize that is wasn't as much my fault like I thought.  If she loved me as much as I loved her then she would have stayed in it and try to work it out with me knowing that cross-cultural relationships take a lot of front-end work until complete understanding is achieved by both people.  She was an English graduate, and her term paper for graduation was on "Differences of Cross-Cultural Relationships" no less.  If I had this website in July I would have come to my senses much sooner, so I could move on.  I know the guys here would have helped me with my blindness.  I am a grown man, and I will admit that I was hurting for quite awhile,  and not until recently have I turned the corner.  I still have my moments of being depressed, but I keep fighting, because the alternative is to live alone, and that lone thought keeps me fighting.  I will not consider a local girl.  I have seen enough in my 49 years to know it is not something I want.

It is amazing to me how these women can say how much they love you, but when together it always doesn't match up the same, but when they are done they are done.  Like turning a switch off.  I can tell you this that in the future when I am done with one of these girls I will not feel remorse.  I will cut them loose and move on.  In fact I've already had opportunities to do just that and I did just that.  If that is the way the game is played in China then I can play that game and have.  

Frank I fell prey to a translator too, but  the difference was she was the one I fell in love with lol.  She sucked me in telling me how much she loved me and only wanted to be with me, and she didn't care what her parents thought, and my hormones took over because she was young and pretty. I was watching what she said, and not what she was doing.  She gave me many RED flags.  I chose to ignore them.  I spent a lot of money on her.  She never asked for anything though, and I willingly did it, so I have no one to blame but myself.  I can tell you this though.  I will never be this stupid again.  I'm very much clued in to the game now.  Some are looking out for themselves  and their family first.  I will do the same.

I would say to you Frank not to give up on the Chinese women.  You and I just got involved with the wrong ones.  There are way more good ones in China than in my country and yours I would guess.  Part of my problem is I want beauty and in their twenties or early thirties lol.  At least now I KNOW how to play the younger ones and how they think.

I will be back in Shenzhen and Nanning on the 21st of this month.  Wish me luck.  I  might need your advice down the road lol.  I am visiting both Nanning agencies and doing business in Shenzhen, but I might stop by those agencies if nothing materializes in Nanning.

Jeff

[Voiceroveip]

Follow on to my last post:

Dinner turned out not to be solitary in the end, she was actually very sweet and we spent another nice evening again, Sunday morning she helped me pack and we did some late Xmas shopping in Dongmen Street and Huaqing Lou prior to a last dinner and then departure with a shuttle to Hong Kong airport. She dared to give me a hug in  public, the absolute first time, and she was very happy and relaxed for our last 24 hours together, I actually enjoyed the time with her a lot, oh and she bought a gift for my son ...

All of this does not change my overall feeling though, I was going to break up with her first chance on Saturday or Sunday, now I am back in France and still haven't done that. I guess it won't hurt to wait a few days, let things settle and then trying not to break her heart . Jeff, I can't be as brutal as you, not with her as there is another side to our story which I have kept for myself on the forum, but I do have good reasons to try to be gentle. She doubts she has what it takes to be the right wife for me, I already know she doesn't but she is only realizing this now, I expect that there will be a good occasion to break up naturally during a QQ session  in the next few days where we will certainly discuss these issues, maybe without hurting her too much.

As far as my trip goes, Cathay Pacific were excellent as usual even if the suitcases took 45 minutes to arrive after landing in Paris. Unfortunaltely the guy next to me had very smelly feet, I was bothered for a couple of hours until the smell faded ... then I got 6 or 7 hours fairly solid sleep so I'm actually feeling great, also happy to be home this time, no place like it, and the Internet connection is decent, boy what a change from the hotel.

So I guess I'll be off to a new ploughing and weeding session in the next few days. Should I continue on this thread or start a new one when the time comes?

Cheers,
Frank

[ttwjr32]

the next adventure will be better i think many of us went thru 1 or 2
 before finding the one we are with

[brett]

That's a good trip report Frank, sorry it didn't work out between you and your lady.

I guess things are similar with my lady - I am not certain she is the one, but it would be a shame to let cross-cultural and other misunderstandings ruin what could be a great life together. I am planning another trip so I can spend more time with my lady. Due to my bad health and the fact it was my first time in China I overlooked certain red flags on my trip, but this time I won't be as forgiving. Breaking up would be very hard though, I have no doubt about that. It would be easier if I found another, but I've really not found such a good match since.

Hopefully the other brothers will see that this is not a cheap option for finding a wife :dodgy:. I also grossly underestimated how stressful it would be.

I think if I was starting afresh I would look for somebody who had more experience of relationships (maybe a divorced lady) and one who had travelled overseas (so they actually have some idea of what to expect in moving to the West). I would also try and accelerate things as quickly as possible, as the months of inactivity are difficult to cope with.

Good luck with 2010!

[ttwjr32]

brett,
i am a little confused here?? if she is not the one
get out of it. why prolong it???

[RegnisTheGreat]

Brett, how old are you? I am courious..