Trouble in Paradise

[Philip]

Hi guys,
I am getting on great with my lady. I will visit her next week. We plan to register our marriage, and then actually get married in April next year. All fine and dandy.
But last night, she tells me she thinks the wedding will cost 200000 yuan. This is a bit of a bombshell to me. She had previously asked me what kind of wedding I wanted. I told her I wanted a modest affair, with family and a few of her best friends. Well, in English terms, 200000 is a lot of money, and I just can't afford it, especially as I am saving for her and her two children to come to England.
In many respects, my lady is very careful with money, but my assertion that I do not have that kind of disposable income was not met with her usual good grace. I just want a simple modest affair (and we did have the discussion after she asked me what I wanted). The only thing we didn't discuss before is the figures.
How much do average weddings cost in China? What do you suggest I say to her that stops me sounding like a penny-pinching westerner? All I have said so far is that I cannot afford 200000, and that my priority is providing for our family in the future. Didn't really go down well.

It is cold in Hunan province at the moment. I hope the cold doesn't stretch to my reception when I meet my lady next week.:icon_sad:

[RobertBfrom aust]

Philip , a couple of times when I have been discussing things with my Ying she has added a zero or some other number that has confused me until we have sorted the numbers out , but that number is way out of kilter even twenty thousand is a lot , read a couple of the other last months marriages , that will give you a good idea , regards Ying and Robert .

[brett]

Ouch, that's a lot of 0's. Didn't Chong say his banquet was about £1000? I guess a rogue 0 might have crept in there.

[Chong]

Philip email a PM to Martin / Peter [ I Spy ]. They got married in Hunan Province. First of all, you'll get Red Envelopes back to help recoup the wedding dinner cost. If you're paying for the entire wedding, make sure that you get these RE back. Every place is different. One person got back 35,000 RMB in RE; I got back only 1,800 RMB in RE.

My wedding dinner for 80 guests cost 5,600 RMB. Including everything ... pictures, registration, Red Envelopes for guest and wedding help, dress ... my total came out to $ 1,800 Cdn. [ See my breakdown on the thread "Kaiping News" ].  Like Robert said, you need to sort out the numbers and know what specifically the breakdown is.

But 200,000 RMB is way too much. That's almost $ 30,000 Cdn. My wedding cost under 10% of her figure. How many guests is she planning to invite ? I would factor $ 11.00 Cdn per person for the dinner.

[Willy The Londoner]

Well if I go ahead it will be a marriage not a wedding.  We have both been through the wedding stuff once and neither worked out so we will be having dinner for about 20 people about a week after we go through the official marriage bit.  

But if she insists she wants an English style wedding then that is all right with me as the brides father pays for that where I come from!!!!:angel:

If I cannot get through it for less than £300 all in then I will think again - I will ask myself does she really want thoughful and kind and loving husband or does she want fancy photos and a bill longer than her dress.

Tight of course I am - I am part Yorkshire.

Willy

[brett]

If my lady wants a beautiful white dress then our wedding guests will have to eat 12 courses of tofu hee hee :icon_cheesygrin:.

[Peter]

Brett
I hope it will be stinky tofu...

[David5o]

Philip,

In anyone's terms, that is a lot of money, even 20000 is a lot of money for a wedding in China. I think you should best ask for a breakdown of the costs from her, maybe somewhere along the line, the figures have have got confused.....

I don't know what sort of age you are or your lady in China. Obviously if she is a younger lady and never been married, the wedding costs are going to be a little more expensive, than that of a previously married lady.  But it still isn't going to cost anywhere resembling that figure she has told you....and that's for SURE!!

One thing that does spring to mind, ....if she IS young single lady, and that is, ...she is including a dowry to her parents in that enormous figure you quoted. If that is the case then you need to get that sorted out as soon as possible Philip. Maybe her parents are trying it on and being greedy, because your a foreign man.

You won't know anything until you get a breakdown of this 200000RMB that she's quoting you....

David......

[Vince G]

Dave (5o) there is a sentence in there that says what she is. "especially as I am saving for her and her two children to come to England." So we're not talking of a "young single lady".

But it all sounds like some math mistakes have happen.

[Irishman]

These figures terrify me!
My lady is young and not married before...200K RMB is my house deposit gone in one swoop and a couple of years savings.
I would write down the number too make 100% clear that you have the figure right. if its still the same its time to start explaining in as kind and understanding way as possible that this is far far too much. A western wedding here wouldn't cost that even with church, hotel reception, wedding dress etc., its insane!
Like Willy, I'd be asking, and how much of this are your parents paying?!

[David5o]

Vince,

Your right, it must be the old age creeping up on me ... fancy me missing something like that ...hahaha!!  

But hey!! there have been some previously married ladies, where the parents are expecting a big payout (RE).  As i say in my post, he won't know until he gets a breakdown of this 200000RMB, then everything will be at least clear if there are any discrepancies and what she is expecting for her wedding...

David.....

[Arnold]

Phillip , I think this was a quick test to see ... how your Monetary Status is . Haha
I think for $ 2000 - $ 2500 you can have more than wonderful Wedding for everyone on her and your list .

[Sylvain D]

outch !
200 000 yuan is very lot, lot of money. In fact, I just couldn't have all that money, even in one year, without buying anything....
I've read many stories over here and costs about weddings, for sure, the price isn't the same.
Well, I think it maybe was to considerer as "I think it could be up to.... "
I just hope your lady will understand your point of view about it, and can easily "accept" it

[Vince G]

Most likely and I hope she meant 2000. yaun didn't put the dot (2000.00)

[JimB]

My wife at first added a zero to her figure.  I about fainted myself.  but, she was wanting a big figure for her Mama.  I finally after much wrangling told her that I wouldnt do that much. In the end I said that if I truly loved her I had to trust her.  I finally gave her all of the money for the wedding that I could pay.  I told her this is it, do what you want with it.   It was a nice little wedding. She made the best of it, she says she was satisfied but I know she would have rather had a bigger wedding.
In the beginning everyone there thinks you are rich.  The problem comes in when you first go there a lot of us, spend big and that helps reinforce that stereotype.  I never discussed my financial position until after we were engaged, then when we got married I gave her the full picture.
So everything in China is negotiable lol.