.. and you can ask me any question you may like..

[daghoi]

Hi guys !

I do not post that often here, but enjoying reading the post and take part in the experiences unfolding here. Now I have one thing I need to vent with you guys, it is more to help me understand than that I see any red flag.

I have writing to a woman since late spring; we also met in Beijing in the summer. So we know each other fairly well. She speaks very good English so it is easy to communicate with her. I can also mention that we do write directly so there is no translation going on from any third party.

Sometimes she does not answer the questions or the things I bring up in my mails. She answers a few of them and goes on about what she has been doing or how busy schedule are at work for her. There is one particular thing she told me about her brother early on. I have asked her about it two times last couple of months. Still she has not answered the question. If it was only this id let it go and think she do not want to talk about it, but since there are other things she do not answer. I get a little frustrated. Particular since this phrase pop up in her mail from time to time:

“By the way, and you can ask me any questions you may like to know too”

and that is the part that I do not get. Is this like a phrase or a manner of speaking?  :icon_confused:
 
The other questions she has not answered is more of informational and practical nature. When it comes to things about our relationship I feel that there are nothing unanswered
.
Thanks for reading so far, it is a long post for a short question. Felt that a little background information was needed to understand the question.

[RobertBfrom aust]

Daghoi , whilst she may be very good at speaking English , I would bet her writing in English is not as easy for her , therefore if I am any guess unless she has a very good translator system on her computer some of the words that you along with others use will not translate , I would say that in any 3 hour conversation, my boss and I have there would be maybe 10 words that I have to twist [ same meaning or similar in English ] for the sentence to make sense in translation , and even then though we are face to face talking something from 5 minutes ago will just slip by especially if she is interrupted by family or phone , bring it up 1/2 an hour later and it is like the first time ,
If she is busy and tired , try to limit what you write to pertinent information , she will only be super attentive once she knows of when you are going to be by her side again , do not waffle on , I know that when Ying and I are camming we probably say more to each other than if we are side by side [ Her lips keep getting in the way ] so do not worry be happy , regards Ying and Robert .

[Peter]

In the beginning of when I was writing to my wife I tried to keep my questions to one subject at the time. I tried to ask about one particular thing and tried to make her finish the issue before I went on to the next question. I guess it helped us that we was using a very good translator..

[mustfocus]

I think her brother is most likely an uncomfortable topic she's not quite ready to answer just yet.  I have noticed people from China will often ignore those types of topics.  She might have let something slip by accident in the past (hence the peculiar comment), but isn't ready or comfortable enough to talk about it right now.

[jeffm]

daghoi

I can tell you this.  I think I finally nailed this issue.  Yours is exactly what I experienced with my ex, and it ultimately led to our split.  It appeared there were some things she was holding back or keeping from me.  As I've been programmed when a woman does that in the States it means something, and it usually is not good.  Later I found that is not the case in China.  I met a nice girl from Beihai that I talk to almost everyday.  Her English is good enough to talk directly to on MSN.  How refreshing that is.  She really is more a friend than anything.  I met her on CLL and she's sent me pictures, and she's good looking, but talks a little too much for me.  Having said that I am impressed with how well read she is on politics and the economy and other world events for being only 24 years of age.  But I digress.

I posed this very question to her searching for reasons why this phenomenon exists among the Chinese women.  It drove me crazy because I talked to other Chinese people (men and women) about this issue after my split and they told me that the secrecy issue (that's what I'll call it) is not the same with the Chinese women as with the American women. But I needed more detail lol.  So my friend had to think about it a second, because she was having trouble putting into words what I was asking about.  She knew exactly what I was asking just having trouble putting it into an explanation.  After about maybe 30 minutes of talking she finally had an answer.  She said that the Chinese women don't want to show all of themselves.  They hold a little back to keep the guy interested, because they are afraid the man will lose interest if he knows everything about her.  Like to keep him guessing a bit.  Her words not mine.  She went on to say that it will be the most harmless insignificant things if we really knew.  Harmless, again her words. She said it is not about that girl having another guy on the side, because Chinese women are not like that.  The light bulb went on for me at that point and what I worried about with my ex was much to do about nothing.  I'll call it learning the hard way lol.  

It kind of comes back to the basic issue of not wanting to lose you by being boring or not desirable.  There own insecurities about themselves. But they still want you to trust them.  Just passing along the information what my friend told me.

If anyone is interested in this girl PM me, because she is lonely now having been out of a relationship with a Chinese guy for a year now.  She prefers the guy not to be older than about 42.  I am 49, but she started to throw that age range out the window, as she was starting to like me, but like I said she is a talker.  Not a bad thing.  She is very sweet, and would be very devoted.  I can sense that with her.  Pretty and speaks and writes English really well.

[daghoi]

Hi !

Thanks Jeffm. You might have apoint that it is to keep her self "interesting".

The funny thing is that she suddenly answered the question about her brother in her new years greeting yesterday. Another thing that struck me is that her two last letter sent while she had time off from work seemed to have been spent more time with. More details and more of her daily routines more of everything.... So it might also be that she earlier had not that much time to spend writing and she kept it short and basic.

Love your slogan; "Watch what people do not what they say". It is one of the most important lessons life has learned me.