brand new

[David E]

OK Falcon...dont feel selfish about it, we all had to try to learn how to look at this whole situation with fresh eyes and try not to jump to irrational conclusions.

It is a great big learning curve and that is why it is good to have many Bros here to bounce ideas and problems off. You will always get answers here...some you might not like, but always with good intent

I am sure that many Bros (me included) have walked away from a good lady because we could not see the situation through her eyes.

I am also sure that advice given here has prevented many Bros from getting scammed !!!!!

This is why you must learn and obey the Maxx 24 hour rule................

It is the only rule about searching for a Chinese wife that works 100% of the time.

keep going with your Lady, let time show you what is really going on with her. When you realise that she is not sincere or serious.....dont hesitate to cut your losses and move on. But before you do that, dont chuck the baby out with the bath-water :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

David

[Bee964]

Falcon, Hi and welcome. As help for myself I print out the letter my lady sends me and reread it several times before I answer. The tone(?) of the letter changes with the mood I'm in. If my daughters are fighting over clothes in the background the letter has a negative feel to it. So I started to print them out and then when I get 5 minutes of quiet time I reread the letter. I would get a whole new insight into her feelings behind the letter. I would usually reread it a couple times before I would answer. This is what I found helps me get a feel for how she was feeling when she wrote to me.

Dave C

[JimB]

Now that I understand her age, I think it makes a difference.  Usually women over 40 are more traditional than the ones around 30 and under.  You and I are about he same age as are your girl and my wife.  I am 58 and my wife is 42.  Of course every woman is different and also the same.  My wife is traditional, she would have never invited me into her home until she knew and trusted me.  We never were even intimate until we were engaged, there was nothing at all until her brother (The oldest male in the family) approved of me.  We went to Xi'an and got separate rooms for the trip until while there we decided to get married.  Maybe she is more modern than her age suggests.  I am not saying to turn her down or call it off because of it, just beware. Yes, I see caution signs here, 1.  No real world pictures, 2.  No web cam sessions or QQ or regular E mails, 3. She invites you into her home without meeting you or talking to you.  In any case I agree with the others here that she is probably not asking you into her bed.  But if she is concerned about her English skills over the internet how does she feel so comfortable with communication while you are staying there with her?   Anyway I would at least go with a phone number or directions to a hotel in the area just in case it doesnt work out.  But even if it doesnt you have this resource to fall back on so you will have a good time.  And do not forget your translation device.  If you dont have one, get one.  Unless you speak Mandarin.  My wife and I still use hers for complicated issues.
I got very very lucky to have found my wife even though the agency was trying to scam me.  In the months I thought we were communicating, she only received or sent about 4 of all the EMF's.  No real world pics, no webcam sessions or even a phone call.  She(translator) had all of the usual excuses.  
Gina hardly knew me. (I found out all of this later).  She was almost forced into meeting me by the agency as i had told them I would turn them in to some Chinese political people i had met in the USA while they were there on business.  She did not look a lot like her profile pictures and if it hadnt been for her hair style I dont think I would have recognized her.  She is beautiful to me anyway.  The translator even had her father alive when he wasnt.  
One final suggestion, go back and read as many of the threads on Chinese customs as you can.  Go prepared.  
And if you have ED, take your blue pills with you. LOL  We had a man here on the website that had had, I think prostrate cancer , that left him with Erectile Dysfunction and he could not perform without his Viagra.  He went to China to marry this girl but intentionally left his pills home so she would know he loved her and not just wanting sex. It wasnt until their honeymoon that he told her about this.  She divorced him that week.
They are not as "enlightened" as the West is about these things.

[falcon]

Dave C - I never thought about printing the letters out but like the idea, especially removing oneself from the everyday world to digest it and let it settle in. Maxx's 24 hour rule is a good lesson for things in general.

JimB - Thanks for all the information. The lady I am speaking of has her mother left as her father has passed and is an only child. She has mentioned me to her, a very good sign from what I understand. I have contacted the agency and customer service and the wheels seem to be in motion for some kind of contact. A translation device sounds very necessary and the address of a hotel essential.

As far as the blue pills they are indeed my friend. As it is said "never leave home without them". The miracle of science! And I am finding out their use is not restricted to a certain age group as they are even popular with 20 somethings.

[David5o]

JimB,

Why do you say that being invited to stay at the ladies house should be treated with caution??
I know what you say here and understand that your wife is traditional, but there are many good ladies out there, where that wouldn't be a problem for them, especially if through these EMF's she finds that she can trust him (Falcon). It really doesn't matter if she will invite him to her bed or not, at the very least he will have a unique opportunity in knowing her far more intimately than staying at a Hotel and having to make daily arrangements for meeting her.

As i said, not all women over 40 are as traditional as your good wife, but it doesn't make them any the less a good honest and loving woman. Over my years in China, i actually came accross more women over 40 like this, than those that were as traditional as your wife. If they trust you, (for what ever reason) then they are prepared to take that chance with you. So, i think there is a very good chance that Falcon, has in some way through his EMF's with her shown her, that he is a man to be trusted.

Let him find out for himself, he seems very keen on this lady. If it doesn't go as he planned or hoped then he can move out of her home to a hotel anytime he likes...... All the other stuff can be sorted out while he's there. Who's knows what's going on, it could be all down to the translator, or the lady not having any experience with computers, or just being nervous of saying something wrong and fearing he will change his mind about coming to visit her.... So many factors to take account of, but all can be sorted when face to face in a real time environment....

David.....

[ttwjr32]

the little blue pills are sold here 5 for 99 rmb they have signs on the doors of every drug store here in gz
so all you have to do is walk in and buy them. but get here before willy buys them all out and you have to wait for the new
stock comes in  hahahaha

[falcon]

well i wrote to the agency and to chnlov customer service and then to her and she sent her email address, i am so excited about that. I know communication is tenuous at best from there translation sites and EMF's still most important, can you all recommend a good translation site. I know mdbg and google.......

[Bee964]

well i wrote to the agency and to chnlov customer service and then to her and she sent her email address, i am so excited about that. I know communication is tenuous at best from there translation sites and EMF's still most important, can you all recommend a good translation site. I know mdbg and google.......

Falcon,
I'm finding google translate to be working best for me so far. There are threads in this forum to install chinese characters on your computer. I don't know if you have them in yet. I also have Babylon8 but I'm not too impressed with it yet, $10/month and I will stop if I don't like it. If I do find it more accurate or easier to use I will buy the program. I figured that a month or two should be enough to see if I like the program. I just have to get the letters from her personally now. (working on that)

Just curious here, your avatar, did you take the picture out the window? What are you driving?

Dave C

[falcon]

Dave, thanks for the info.

As far as the avatar I was driving a rental truck from Texas to D. C. and snapped that somewhere in Alabama, the first picture on my snazzy new phone.

[Josh Markley]

I was unaware of the law you all have been discussing.  I filed a form at customs telling them my whereabouts for my trips.  I also registered at the U.S Embassy for my safety.  Other than that it seemed like no big deal that I stay at Xu Le's parents place, in fact all the neighbors came over to meet me.  

Welcome here William.

[falcon]

thanks Josh, it sounds like quite the good idea to register at the embassy. if you have never been, as in my case, and you hear about human rights violations in the media here it makes one proceed with caution.
after reading the posts from the brothers here i have largely lost my hesitation about that aspect of it and hopefully will charge into the unknown in a few months.

[Josh Markley]

These guys have been great helping me with my first trip.  So I feel honored in helping out a new brother anyway possible.  So where are you headed?

[falcon]

I am going to Zhuhai hopefully in May or there abouts, have good things about it. Where have you been?

[ttwjr32]

the registering with the local police station is a good idea because it
will prevent you from recieving a fine from the police. thats the only
good reason to do it. for the most part no one bothers you and yes
most will want to meet or at least chat with you at times because they
are curious and would like to try some english. some will chat with you in
chinese and your speaking english and after a few minutes they will say
bye bye and smile at you. neither of you know what each other said but
you can tell by the smiles and body language they are being freindly and
curious.

Falcon--- as far as being hesitant about coming here there is no reason to
              be. your not going to be bothered and the only way anything bad
              will happen with the police is if you break their laws and do something
              really stupid. you just have to watch out for being charged to much
              for things in the store, and of course there is the staring at you at
              some of the smaller cities. here in Guangzhou i dont see that happen
              very much unless it is a person from the countryside. most of the city
              citizens dont do that

[David5o]

Falcon,

Willy is the one that knows about Zhuhai, and the chances are, ...he probably knows your lady too...haahaa!!, just kidding ya!! So anything your curious about, ask him through the PM system, if he can help he will....

As Ted has told you, nothing to be worried about visiting China. Most of the detrimental stuff that is written about it, has been written by those that have never stepped a foot in China!!!  
I would go as far as, when talking about personal safety your probably safer in China, than you are being in the States.....  

In all the years i lived and worked in China, i never once registered with a UK embassy or consulate. Maybe because i know from experience in other countries our UK embassy's are the next best thing to being totally useless, and quite honestly don't want to know anything about you. There there for business and more importantly looking after themselves!! .....Sad, ... but very true!!!

David....