meaning of visit

[Lee357]

Lee,

what part of the USA do you live in? this is relevant for your work visa. i looked on your info and it didnt say.
you could get the papers to the embassy in New York or the consulate in San Francisco. I can pretty much assure
you that you will be going back to get your work visa after the school prepares all the papers. They cannot be handled
by an attorney but only by yourself as it will take your passport and pictures. If i was you i would start the process for
your DOJ report that could take up to 6 weeks to obtain. Get the one for working in China or foreign countries. This is not
done at the federal building go on their web site and it will tell you were and who does this. it is done by electronically
submitting your fingerprints and then the DOJ mails you the report. This report is your complete background from when
you were first put in the registry and from evrywere you lived.You want the one with the raised seal on it not the regular
photo copy one as they probably wont take it.I actually got both of mine and found out the one with the seal is what they want when i got here. the sad thing with all these schools is they are pretty much like the agencies on chnlove  full of crap and the info
changes daily. just prepare yourself for that. also find out when and what hours your classes will be because they do
want you to stay around the school between them. so if your first class is at 9am and the last at 8pm well thats a pretty
long day.Yes there are exceptions to the rule as some guys have found it a little different and will tell you different
but that is and are exceptions to the rule and is probably 5% of the teachers. i see it all the time or i should say often enough
around the embassy area were i hang out with people and you meet people who are going home to finish or are going home
because the school couldnt help them. i was fortunate to get mine when i was here but thats because of someone in the family
who knew someone who knew someone and will probably cost me down the road as i owe 3 favors but it was worth it as i can
stay and not fear getting caught working without it. they just fine you and send you home but you will not get another visa to
come here again if that happens. and to top it off i didnt go to work for a school after it was all done. you know if you tutor 10 hrs a week at 200 rmb
that is 8000 month net. just an idea for you after you arrive here.


as far as living here for 5000 rmb that is really good as your biggest expense  (housing)( utilities) are being covered so
dont kick that gift horse in the mouth. it will depend on what you want to spend for food. i probably spend an extra 1000
rmb a month on food over the average person because i really dont care for nor like all chinese food so i buy quality steaks
and beef and pork that cost a little more for the house and we cook it in the oven i bought for the house. also my wife likes
to bake things in it and the ingredients for that stuff is a little pricy here. i eat about half of all the different chinese foods
that you could buy in GZ and not anything exotic at all. s it is manageable on 5000 rmb. my wife bought a house and lived good
when she was only making 4000 rmb a month and that was only 8 years ago. you could do that with 4000 rmb now but it would be tight
as prices of homes have gone up. now she makes more and lives the same saving everything else

The attorney is not handling the visa for china but the visa for my soon to be wife to return to the states. I Live in Oregon so the San Fransisco consulate is where I have to go to. I have a friend in the DOJ and I will ask her to make sure I get the apropriate paper work. I think I may be alot like you I want to be there without worrying about being deported and not being able to return. I am only doing this so I can stay with my wife until the U.S is done taking its time proccessing her imagration paperwork. I have read that it can take a long time. I do apreciate your help. And I am enjoying the negotiation with the school even if I don't end up working there. The form of negotiation used is quite enjoyable. Never coming right out and saying what you want but still getting your point accross so that there is no mistaking what is wanted. Very different from here.

[ttwjr32]

Lee,

if you dont mind keep me posted on what develops with your school. i am just
curious how it turns out with you speaking and asking the right questions to
them. i dont think they are accustomed to that :icon_cheesygrin:

Ted

[Lee357]

To be honest I don't think they are either. If it was not for this site I would not have known the real important questions to ask either and might have ended up with a less than ideal outcome. Like we need any more uncertainty than moving and living in a new country and having to deal with two different governments, and learning how to live with a woman with a completely different way of thinking than at least I have ever been with before.
By the way I have been told I will be getting married on October 23 2010 at 4:32pm. I am not entirely sure why this date and time but Linya tells me that she took my birth chart and hers to a fortune teller and this is the time and date she suggests. so this is the date and time of my wedding. Knowing Linya as I do I have absolutly no doubt all the wedding ceremonies will progress right on a tight schedule. So, I am sure that at the moment the clock strikes 4:32 in the afternoon someone will be saying we are married. :icon_cheesygrin:

[David5o]

Lee357,

These Chinese women are good at organising things .... but they ain't that good!! ...lol!!!
Your officially married when the registrar hands you your Red Books, and No-One can predict or plan what time that's going to be. As for the reception, well that CAN be planned and organised, if the guests are willing to be organised that well, and don't get hungry before hand...lol!!  

Strange how they still go to these fortune tellers to find out if your a good match and set dates for weddings and things. You would think they would know better by now, considering the amount of divorces, and the fact that those figures are increasing year on year!! Still, ...who are we to complain? ...hahaha!!

David.....

[ttwjr32]

David,

a little heads up on that. if she knows people at the agency they can arrange for
them to recieve their books at that time and get it at the time she wants if she
wants to stick with the fortune teller time

[David5o]

Ted,

I must admit, .... that scenario didn't even enter my mind!! It's so easy to forget that with contacts and a bit of money thrown in the right direction, can often negate what seems unlikely to near impossible to just another item on the list ticked off and ''Done''...hahaha!!

David....

[ttwjr32]

David,

it is true what they accomplish when they want to and it is
usually something out of the norm

Ted

[Lee357]

Well I do not know if she will really get it done I was just commenting on how she schedules her life and is now so very focused on this wedding. I know that she insisted Last night that I must be ready on the wedding day by 6:30 am so that I could keep to the schedule. I mean really 6:30 in the morning and we are not supposed to be married until 4:32 in the afternoon. What did I get myself into here. I have experience in the culture of the Chinese but I have never known about most of the things she tells me are required of me. By the way yes she actually said required of me. Not I would like you to, or could you please, just you are required to do these things. I have never been on such a short honeymoon before. :icon_biggrin: I guess I should have paid better attention to the posts about what comes after, instead of just on how to get through the communicating stage. I don't even get as many letters or web cam time with her any more. She is too busy with work so she can have time off for the wedding and then the time she is dedicating to planning the wedding. I still get the daily phone call but even that has started to get shorter and later in the night. Mind you I am not complaining but she never showed this much determination about our relationship before she was sure we would get married. It is almost like I released some kind of Tasmanian devil. :icon_cheesygrin:
To be honest I have just started to read and educate myself on these things. I have all along took a cursory glance at the post about the wedding and other such things because I was so focused on the chase I pretty much forgot to find out what it was going to take to get her in the boat. :icon_cheesygrin: sorry for the fishing clichés I am going to Alaska for a few days next month to go fly fishing. By the way can one go fishing in China, another thing I have never thought about until I decided to move there? I am beginning to believe I was a little too sure of my experience as a tourist in china to consider all these little things before I decided to move there. Egg on my face for a little too much of that American arrogance.

If you are new to this like I still am remember to pay attention to what a traditional wedding is and realize that there is way more to it than a traditional western wedding. I would even say start early researching about it along with reading the post about how to get the woman of your dreams. Get yourself mentally prepared so that when it happens, and I do believe that if you stick with it, it will happen for you. You are ready for this experience. Or at least as ready as you can be. :huh:
I would also like to add we did talk about weddings and such issues before I went over to meet her. She was as usual always vague and submissive about it, until we met and she was sure that she loved me and that I loved her and then that submissive thing went right out the window about the wedding. She is still submissive about a lot of things just not the wedding. It is her first and I think that like in western cultures maybe mom has a lot of say in how things will go at the wedding. I am not sure at this point because I am afraid to ask and upset her apple cart. I think I would pay for that transgression for the rest of my life. I am generally taking the attitude that just like in western culture the day is in the end all about her, or it is after all her day. I just happen to be the one that is there to support her and to be honest make her look so beautiful by comparison to this fat American standing next to her. :angel:

[JimB]

Lee, you are right.  it is her day so just give her the money she needs and get out of the way.  Of course this is only the start.  Once married, she is the boss but will make you feel like you are.  they are great at the manipulation so dont be surprised when you find yourself doing everything she wants, but thinking you made the decision.  I finally just gave up.  Called her the boss, give her the money and live on her love.  You wont regret it.

[David E]

so true !!!

I'm back home now, as of last Wednesday and I am thinking about the million good things that have happened to me in the past 2 weeks, when I get my breath back I will share it with you all.

But I had to respond to this thread, because I can completely understand now what you are saying.

I was amazed about the change that came over Ming once she got the ring on her finger !!!

Not that anything bad happened...quite the contrary, she was totally focussed on making sure that i was comfortable in everything and that all the daily stuff went smoothly  and easily.

But I could not help noticing the subtle change in the environment...she had quietly, confidently taken charge of just about everything !!!

For a crusty old Bachelor like me...it was a surprise and many times I had to obey the Maxx rule...but not 24 hours...more like 2 minutes !!!

I just went with the flow and tried my dammnest to adjust and get used to being spoiled in this way....and to avoid trying to get into a debate about equality, roles etc etc etc...it didn't do any good. !! She has her way of being the "Boss" and I aint gonna change it. But it is nice really, I just got to get used to it.

But still the major decisions are clearly my province...she often says "you must decide" to issues that go beyond daily stuff...maybe thats how it should be...and I sure aint complaining.

David

[Lee357]

Lee, you are right.  it is her day so just give her the money she needs and get out of the way.  Of course this is only the start.  Once married, she is the boss but will make you feel like you are.  they are great at the manipulation so dont be surprised when you find yourself doing everything she wants, but thinking you made the decision.  I finally just gave up.  Called her the boss, give her the money and live on her love.  You wont regret it.

Thank you, I am sure I will love being married to her. I don't mind giving up control of things to her. She is by far more organized than I am. I already found out she is a master at getting me to do what she wants. To see that all you need to do is read the begining of this thread.

[JimB]

I had a major problem with some of that at first.  Like the red envelope.  to the point that I called off the wedding for a while.  Finally I talked to Dinger and he suggested to just give her the money, tell her that is it and let her do what she wants to do.  I dont regret that decision at all.  That is why I give that to you.  If you want to fight it, you will regret it.  
The major decisions are your province, like where you will live and what house, but after that let her take it from there.  you will both be very happy you did.  Especially if you are going to live in China.  YOU are the stranger. It was recently pointed out to me (by a friend)  that I have no business being upset at some of these things as I am the one intruding on thousands of years of tradition, it was our choice to come here, they didnt drag us.  I had not thought of it that way before.  So now I just go along with it.  Some of it I still do not like, but there you go.

[zook144]

But still the major decisions are clearly my province...she often says "you must decide" to issues that go beyond daily stuff...maybe thats how it should be...and I sure aint complaining.

David

Doesn't that drive you crazy? I talked to Sha last night about my upcoming trip. (Leave next Friday, by the way) I don't know how many times she said "you decide". I keep telling her I want her opinion on things, but she just smiles and says again "you decide".  Jeez!
Don

[Willy The Londoner]

You decide.  Just make sure you decide the correct way - her way!!!!
:icon_cheesygrin:
Willy

[David5o]

Hahaha!!, ....I've just been having a little chuckle to myself here reading what your saying about these Chinese women, and how they can have you and your life organised in short order!!...lol!!

Get used to it lads, because it doesn't stop, anything to do with family, home, health, etc etc, is going to come under her control, ...like it or not!! lol!! They will rarely ask you about anything, they just go right ahead and do it, you will only be told/informed as a late after thought...

Just wait till you come home from work one night, you have a quick shower and change in to your lounging around the home gear. You just get yourself settled in your favorite chair and start relaxing for the night, when out of the blue your Chinese wife tells you ...Oh!! so and so is coming round tonight for dinner, ...or Oh!! were going out tonight, to so and so's for dinner!!!

Now this evening had been planned by her for maybe day's or even weeks, but you only find out maybe half an hour to an hour before..... It took me around 2 years to get her out of that habit, so now i get to find out maybe the day before the event, ...i can live with that ..lol!!!

I've found it easier to ask her, (normally of a morning) what's planned or going on for her today, you'll be amazed what you'll find out by doing this sort of thing!! ...hahaha!!

Best of luck to all of you, i think you've all got lot's to learn, especially after your married and living together full time. ....Just ask Maxx, Ted, and some of the others. It's only after your married (living together) that your relationship really starts. One thing for sure, it's gonna be nothing like your visits to China to be with your wife, ...There holidays!!!... hahaha!!

David......