meaning of visit

[Lee357]

Doesn't that drive you crazy? I talked to Sha last night about my upcoming trip. (Leave next Friday, by the way) I don't know how many times she said "you decide". I keep telling her I want her opinion on things, but she just smiles and says again "you decide".  Jeez!
Don
[/quote]

Enjoy your trip!
I get that from Linya a lot too. Especially on questions about issues that relate to my moving ect.. not the wedding and I have accepted that and just sent her a few thousand as she requested to get the whole thing done. I thought that dad was paying for half but apparently She told him no that we could do it on our own. I am grateful though that she at least called and asked how much I was willing to spend on the wedding. I think I was lucky that I must have chose a good number because she actually squealed when I told her, and I thought it sounded pretty low. Still thinking in western terms. My only other wedding set me back at least 3 times that much. Linya promises me it will not cost any more than that so I am happy. Maxx your 24 hour rule works good now only when she is willing to give me 24 hours to respond in letters not so good on the phone at this point. I would have come on here and asked what a good number would be so I don't pay too much but no such luck she needed an answer right now. I do so love this woman and yes I am still so whipped and loving every minute of it. :icon_cheesygrin:

Hahaha!!, ....I've just been having a little chuckle to myself here reading what your saying about these Chinese women, and how they can have you and your life organised in short order!!...lol!!

Get used to it lads, because it doesn't stop, anything to do with family, home, health, etc etc, is going to come under her control, ...like it or not!! lol!! They will rarely ask you about anything, they just go right ahead and do it, you will only be told/informed as a late after thought...

Just wait till you come home from work one night, you have a quick shower and change in to your lounging around the home gear. You just get yourself settled in your favorite chair and start relaxing for the night, when out of the blue your Chinese wife tells you ...Oh!! so and so is coming round tonight for dinner, ...or Oh!! were going out tonight, to so and so's for dinner!!!

Now this evening had been planned by her for maybe day's or even weeks, but you only find out maybe half an hour to an hour before..... It took me around 2 years to get her out of that habit, so now i get to find out maybe the day before the event, ...i can live with that ..lol!!!

I've found it easier to ask her, (normally of a morning) what's planned or going on for her today, you'll be amazed what you'll find out by doing this sort of thing!! ...hahaha!!

Best of luck to all of you, i think you've all got lot's to learn, especially after your married and living together full time. ....Just ask Maxx, Ted, and some of the others. It's only after your married (living together) that your relationship really starts. One thing for sure, it's gonna be nothing like your visits to China to be with your wife, ...There holidays!!!... hahaha!!

David......

Thanks for the insight David. I think I might need this forum more now and after than I ever did before. Still the same Lady I fell in love with but a whole lot different in other ways. I knew that change would happen it always does be it western women or Eastern women in the end they are women and once they get the ring they do change. I do think this change is good. She is all about us now and with at least my first wife it definitely became about her after we decided to get married. So I see it as a positive.

[ttwjr32]

Visiting and living together are worlds apart. the visits are just a quick holiday
but when you marry and live together the adventure begins. but i will say that
the adventure is very well worth it. sometimes confusing, sometimes exciting,
sometimes chaotic, but in all honesty it is worth every minute when you have
a very kind,loving,big hearted chinese lady as your wife.:icon_biggrin:

Maxx's  24 hour rule doesnt apply to often when your together as it will change
to the  2.4 minute rule when she wants an answer to her question you dont understand.
and sometimes i chuckle to myself when Sisi says "you decide"  i say "ok" then later i
will ask her "so what are we doing' and she tells me   hahahahha  so i guess i did decide.
i gave her a few more hours to think about what we will do :icon_cheesygrin:  its a little
work but worth it in to many ways to mention here as the post would be to long

[Lee357]

I was just rereading this post from the first one I posted here and was struck by how far I have come with you guys help in just a little less than one month and how far my relationship with Linya has changed in such a short time. in my first post I was nervous and full of doubt about what the right thing to do was and you all helped me find the answer that I knew all along. To my last post one of total acceptance of the path this ride is taking. Once again with lots of advise from you guys. I also can see where I am going to need to lean on you guys in the future so I wanted to thank all of you who have responded to this thread and have helped me get through all of this in such a short amount of time. I am not one that usually adapts to this much change so fast. It has been a blessing having people who have been there helping me understand and shining a light on the path I am traveling. To those who will respond to help me in the future let me thank you in advance for your guidance. I will certainly try to help those coming behind me in the same spirit that you have helped me in so far.

[mustfocus]

Lee,

Out of curiosity, what was the number you quoted her?  I think those of us who aren't married yet want an idea of how much it'll cost. :icon_biggrin:

[Lee357]

Lee,

Out of curiosity, what was the number you quoted her?  I think those of us who aren't married yet want an idea of how much it'll cost. :icon_biggrin:

3000 USD. Now keep in mind that also covers the agency fee. So in reality about 2000 for the weeding and 1000 to pay off her debt to the agency. I am sure that now that she has the money she will negotiate the agency fee down some and add that money to the wedding costs.

so true !!!

I'm back home now, as of last Wednesday and I am thinking about the million good things that have happened to me in the past 2 weeks, when I get my breath back I will share it with you all.

But I had to respond to this thread, because I can completely understand now what you are saying.

I was amazed about the change that came over Ming once she got the ring on her finger !!!

Not that anything bad happened...quite the contrary, she was totally focussed on making sure that i was comfortable in everything and that all the daily stuff went smoothly  and easily.

But I could not help noticing the subtle change in the environment...she had quietly, confidently taken charge of just about everything !!!

For a crusty old Bachelor like me...it was a surprise and many times I had to obey the Maxx rule...but not 24 hours...more like 2 minutes !!!

I just went with the flow and tried my dammnest to adjust and get used to being spoiled in this way....and to avoid trying to get into a debate about equality, roles etc etc etc...it didn't do any good. !! She has her way of being the "Boss" and I aint gonna change it. But it is nice really, I just got to get used to it.

But still the major decisions are clearly my province...she often says "you must decide" to issues that go beyond daily stuff...maybe thats how it should be...and I sure aint complaining.

David

Congratulations David. I am happy that it has worked out for you too. Acceptance I think that is going to be my new motto through all of this. Just accept that she is in charge of what she wants to be in charge of and I just get to be in charge of what she wants me to be in charge of. :icon_biggrin:

[David5o]

Lee357,

You could be so very right there, ...Everything is negotiable in China, especially where money is concerned... And it's always better for the money to be in your pocket than in theirs ...Right??
Hahahaha!!!  

David

[maxx]

Lee first of congradulations.The money for the wedding is right in where it should be..Your going to have  good time.And like the rest of the guys ben telling you the real living stats after your married and living together.

It's taken me almost 4 years to get my wifes input.On money matters.But everything else she is right there with her opinion wether I want it or not.And she does take care of all the social function.And when we will go to China.What doctor the kids will see.All the mudane regular stuff.When we go to China.Every day is planned out.To almost the minute.And like David said I have no idea what we are doing until she tells me.The social function she has ben good at telling me about in the states.But not in China.So I just try to flow with it.It seams to work out good for me and my wife.

The only thing you really have to watch for with my wife.Is don't let her get to tired or Hungrey.If she is to tired or hungrey.There is no peace until the situation is fixed.

David50, Ted, Sarge, Peter, Willy Hajo,And Brian.You all have spent enough time.With your wives to not even need the 24 hour rule.Iv'e spent enough time with my wife.Where I can give her a answer in about 2 minutes.And about 90% of the time it is the right answer.The only time I get in trouble is the other 10%.Then all hell breaks lose

[ttwjr32]

Maxx,

thats why i say   the  2.4 minute rule after you have spent the time living with your wife:icon_cheesygrin:

[mustfocus]

$2000 isn't too bad.  Just trying to get a feel for what the budget should be.  Thanks!

[ttwjr32]

when mine gets tired she gets the same way Maxx
when she gets hungry we just stop at the nearest
chinese restuarant and eat.

[David5o]

Yes!! this is another very Chinese phenomenon, they love to ''Eat'', and they eat at any time all day long!! Which is why ALL the restaurants are open all day long in China and Hong Kong.

As others have mentioned, they get a bit ratty if there tummy is telling them it needs topping up!! haha!! Guess that's why they eat little, but very often throughout the day. Sometimes it only needs to be a bit of fruit like an Orange, Banana etc, but other times it will need to be a bit more substantial...haha!!

I don't know if others have noticed or not, but when i eat Chinese, i'm only full for maybe 2 or 3 hours, then i'm feeling hungry again!! Even noticed this years back, whenever i had a Chinese meal at a restaurant, or a takeaway back in the UK....

David...

[JimB]

Yes, we did a big thread on that a while ago.  I noticed that as soon as we would come home from a restaurant, or finish a meal, she would grab something to snack on.  An orange, seeds of any kind, apples, etc.  that would continue until the next meal when she would say she was very hungry.  I couldnt get over it.  At meals she would eat a ton of food.  I was surprised that she wasnt 200 lbs, as much as she eats.  But their metabolism is just different.  Now my wife has gained some weight, which of course she blames on me.  She says she is so happy that she eats a lot.  I told her bull, she just likes to eat. lol.     Qingqing is rail thin, but she also eats a lot.  now true it is what they eat and how it is prepared that helps keep them thin.  But it still amazes me.

[Voiceroveip]

so true !!!

I'm back home now, as of last Wednesday and I am thinking about the million good things that have happened to me in the past 2 weeks, when I get my breath back I will share it with you all.

But I had to respond to this thread, because I can completely understand now what you are saying.

I was amazed about the change that came over Ming once she got the ring on her finger !!!

Not that anything bad happened...quite the contrary, she was totally focussed on making sure that i was comfortable in everything and that all the daily stuff went smoothly  and easily.

But I could not help noticing the subtle change in the environment...she had quietly, confidently taken charge of just about everything !!!

For a crusty old Bachelor like me...it was a surprise and many times I had to obey the Maxx rule...but not 24 hours...more like 2 minutes !!!

I just went with the flow and tried my dammnest to adjust and get used to being spoiled in this way....and to avoid trying to get into a debate about equality, roles etc etc etc...it didn't do any good. !! She has her way of being the "Boss" and I aint gonna change it. But it is nice really, I just got to get used to it.

But still the major decisions are clearly my province...she often says "you must decide" to issues that go beyond daily stuff...maybe thats how it should be...and I sure aint complaining.

David

Congratulations David! This was trip number 6 right? Maybe we can throw a newly weds party soon :icon_cheesygrin:

[David5o]

Voiceroveip,

Trip number 6, but trip number 1, or his first visit for this lady (Ming). And i get the very strong feeling there won't be any need to visit any other ladies from now on either!!  haha!!

The other 5 trips were classified by Dave as dismal failures, So i guess trip 6 is the out and out success he was hoping for and GOT!!

David....

[mustfocus]

I don't know if others have noticed or not, but when i eat Chinese, i'm only full for maybe 2 or 3 hours, then i'm feeling hungry again!! Even noticed this years back, whenever i had a Chinese meal at a restaurant, or a takeaway back in the UK....

David...

I think it depends on the person.  I usually get hungry again within two hours when I have vietnamese foods... Not sure why.  Also the more processed foods have a similar effect... but if I eat something "rustic-style", it tends to last me much longer (4-6 hours...sometimes more)