Is she real...........???

[dude]

Is she real or Is she really interested? I just wanted to post my feeling on this subject and welcome all pro's and con's to this or my opinion/feeling about this ISSUE.

I would think about 99.9% of these women are real or should I say all of them? I don't have any doubts about this. I really don't feel any of them are fake! Perhaps there is a very rare circumstance where this could be the case and I still have my doubts. I've seen enough of them here to know they are real(not a figment of imagination).

I would say the percentage now drops on the second half of question, Is she really interested? This part, a novel can be written on it, but I will go over a few issues. When I joined chnlove, like everybody else, I seen a picture of lady I was interested in. I signed up and sent a freebie note. I was sent a reply and I decided to buy some emf's to go further. I was lucky with this as the woman was interested and what was sent was close to what she wanted to say or written...also she was new too. Reading so much about this issue, I find this often not to be the case and this is where the trap sets in(bait and hook!).

I have stated  I like the agency, that dealt with this...but I seen funny things coming from this agency(I feel they are like most of the others...get you here and find you a woman that may find an interest in you! The funny issue, with this agency, is the profile of the lady I had written, I seen the exact same on another ladie's profile word for word! This might be an isolated case, I don't know, but I doubt it.

So you read a little on my feelings here and you ask yourself: Is lady real or really interested? Now this is where we will find a widespread of opinions from everybody here. There are bro's here that found their fate on purely EMF's alone, only a few but they did! Most that go through months and months of EMF's alone get dupped.

My first shot at this, within two weeks, I had made my first call to lady and  sent an SMS and got a reply. We both started sending them daily. Then one day she sent me her "REAL" personal e-mail. On facebook forum I found out about QQ and did the install, sent lady SMS and within an hour we were on QQ webcamming. So was she real....YES! Later things didn't work out after I visited her we broke it off.

My second shot at this it took a month to get my wife's QQ...lol...yes we are now married! I was sent an e-mail(agency provided) and was sent a phone number in a e-mail. The phone number turned out to be translator's phone number. So neither was the phone number good or th e-mail...as you read into this forum you will know the agency e-mail is a controlled e-mail address(just like EMF's). The EMF's, from my wife, were translatored and many would be infatuated with them. This translator told my wife that her English was too poor for her to write me or talk to me. I had issues with some inconsistencys in EMF's so I stopped writing them.  I was cautious and wanted direct contact to know...IF THIS WAS REAL! So I stopped writing the EMF's...this may work for some but not all! My wife was really interested in me and she pushed translator to send me her QQ.

For the new guys that find this forum, I'm sure your all asking this question! Everybody here has had their experience, some more, some less and some not-at-all!

My feeling about not wanting direct contact, is a negative. I know many women here in Changsha and a few in Wuhan, to know if they are truly interested in you, they will be willing to do this ...again this is my opinion, because I don't know every woman here in China! Does anybody, on this forum know of women that aren't willing to do this? Please express this!

I hope this thread gets some posts from everybody and the issues they dealt with and their opinions too. I will refrain from arguements...LOL...so no worries mods! :icon_cheesygrin:

For the newer guy and his worries maybe we can help them choose a good path to follow...if you have doubts, you need to find a solution!

One thing I don't recommend...is to wait very long to go to China to meet lady. Maybe three months, at the most...these women want to know if your real too! If some feel different about this too please post!

Also if some would like to touch on these issues with other sites, please post...I'm sure there are many guys itching for your info!

[metooap]

Dude

Congratulations on your marriage!

You are certainly right on track.

Most want to know are the ladies real and are the ladies really interested. Two separate points as you already know.

On the other-hand, it goes both ways. I believe the ladies want to know are we real and are we really interested - or are we as they say - just playing.

Because as you are mentioned you are now married, the question of is she real and is she really interested has already been answered - it is a resounding yes.

I know for me - the answer is a resounding yes.

I believe the challenge is not whether the ladies are real - because in most cases they are - there could be a debate about the degree that they are real (photos etc.) the real questions boils down to - if they are really interested.

Because if they are really interested - in most cases, as men we will think that we are wooing the lady. Yet in all reality, if the lady is 'Really' interested, it is just a matter of time before we are 'Reeled' in. By the time it hits us - it is 'Really' all over.

So I know there is much debate about EMFs and the different approaches one must take to accomplish the objective of meeting that special someone. I believe most of the successful people here would say some if not all of the following are a must:

1) Quickly getting beyond the translator and agency
2) Get as much face time as possible with your lady on Skype, QQ, or messenger etc.
3) Have an actual face to face visit in China as soon as possible
4) Prepare for the visit and have some knowledge of the customs and courtesies that goes along with that visit.

There is much more but these are a few things that in my opinion helped me to achieve my objective - of wooing - or I mean being 'Reeled' in!

However, I must also point out that the actual initial visit itself is another ball game - and many times the relationship is made or broken on this initial visit.

[David E]

Maybe I can try to ad something to this Thread...written from the Lady's perspective........

I have had many, many long conversations with Ming about the whole issue of trying to find a Western Husband. I cringe when I hear from her some of the bastadry that some guys are capable of. I have a lot of sympathy for many of the Women on CHNLove and all the other Agencies. But I dont suggest that the Agencies are entirely blameless, but they seem to accept that the average bloke is not serious and they might as well make some money along the way !!!

Ming joined a local CHNLove Agency in Chengdu some 2 years ago.

She went along with some photos of herself and signed up...it was 15,000 RMB, paid 50% up-front and 50% when she met a Man face-to-face.

Now, she has 2 mobile phones, both with cameras, she has a home computer, with QQ and the rest, she has at least 1000 photos of herself, her friends and her family on file in her computer...as all Chinese do !!!

By her own admission she was worried that her English was bad and was taking lessons, but did not have confidence that she could hold a one-on - one conversation with a Western Man.

The Agency did not like her own "natural" photos and persuaded her to go to "their" photographer to get some "classy" photos done...at her cost, of course !!!

I have seen the results of what they did, and I would hardly recognise her from these photos !!!

The Agency also suggested that she did not trawl through all the Men profiles but she should allow them to send "admirer" letters to a lot of suitable Men, because they knew best how to go about it !!

So....in the first week they sent 56 admirer letters and she also got 82 cupid notes and 14 EMF's from many different Men !!!

The Translator would phone her with the translations of the letters and ask her what she wanted to reply. She preferred to make her own replies and did so...they did not like that because of the delay.

To cut a long story short, she eventually discovered that they were making up their own replies and putting hers in the bin !!!

I have seen some of the letters she got....OUCH !!, (many Men would benefit by a crash course in English and some advice as to what makes an interesting letter.)

Without exception, she felt that the letters she got were not 100% real...too much alike in many respects. And also, very few were from Men who met the very simple criteria of age, status and appearance she stipulated in her profile (as you can imagine, If I managed to attract her, she could not be THAT fussy !!!!!)

This fisaco went on for months...she became more and more frustrated with the whole process....much in the same way that we all are.

Never once did she feel actually in touch with the Guys who "wrote" to her. Many letters contained promises of a visit to China...but never "when" !!!!

She NEVER had a single enquiry for email or QQ...she now thinks the Agency edited these references from the letters she got.

Now, Ming is an attractive, intelligent and should I say typical Chinese Lady. She fully knows her chances of a good marriage to a Chinese Man, at her age is about ZERO ! She is passionate about taking care of her Man, her family and regards true love as the highest a human being can aspire to !! She would make any Man proud (as I well know !!)

Why then was the "journey " for her so difficult. ??

I am sure it was a combination of 2 main issues...

1) The Agencies know that such a very tiny percentage of Western Men are deadly serious about finding a Chinese wife...it sounds so good to the average Joe, but in reality very few are able to go the distance, emotionally or financially. So most guys end up as "lookers" and not "doers" The Agency thus milks these guys for all they can get, knowing full well they wont get a long term result.

2) The Women...who I truly believe are 99% serious, get very disillusioned from the process. It is so difficut for them to know exactly what is going on. They seem to be the Third Party in this "dance" and feel helpless to influence events, they get exactly the same frustrations as we do !!!

Eventually, she got so fed up with this whole saga that she decided to try for herself on a "free" dating site. The rest, as they say , is history !!!

She made one thing clear to me.....Parents......she would NEVER tell her Parents/family/friends about any Western man until she was reasonably sure that he "could" be the one. This means that unless I (or any man) got to the stage where he had made a firm committment to come to see her (by booking a ticket) she would not get her family involved.

I hope this info. makes some sense, and I dont pretent that Ming's story is the same as every other woman. But this is how she experienced the search for a Western husband...it must be typical in many ways.

DavidE

[Willy The Londoner]

There is certainly a need for an agency here that is reliable and which all men and women have trust in.

Willy

[metooap]

Why then was the "journey " for her so difficult. ??

I am sure it was a combination of 2 main issues...

1) The Agencies know that such a very tiny percentage of Western Men are deadly serious about finding a Chinese wife...it sounds so good to the average Joe, but in reality very few are able to go the distance, emotionally or financially. So most guys end up as "lookers" and not "doers" The Agency thus milks these guys for all they can get, knowing full well they wont get a long term result.

2) The Women...who I truly believe are 99% serious, get very disillusioned from the process. It is so difficut for them to know exactly what is going on. They seem to be the Third Party in this "dance" and feel helpless to influence events, they get exactly the same frustrations as we do !!!

She made one thing clear to me.....Parents......she would NEVER tell her Parents/family/friends about any Western man until she was reasonably sure that he "could" be the one. This means that unless I (or any man) got to the stage where he had made a firm committment to come to see her (by booking a ticket) she would not get her family involved.

I hope this info. makes some sense, and I dont pretent that Ming's story is the same as every other woman. But this is how she experienced the search for a Western husband...it must be typical in many ways.

DavidE

DavidE

I think Ming story mirrors that of my Xiang Mei. It runs along the same lines where at one point she was so frustrated with the feeling of a Third Party - that she nearly gave up on the process.

Our success (though we both did the Agency tango) came not buy the dating site itself but by an introduction from a person that worked for me. But her story was atypical. Much discussion about what one would do - but people not really stepping up to the plate. Thus the Agency perhaps focused on getting as much as they could knowing that most were only lookers not doers.

She too would never get her parents involved unless there was an actual face to face meeting.

So I agree from a lady's perspective there is a big question about are these Western men real.

Even when we know the lady is real and the man is real, there is still the tango that must take place at the initial meeting and beyond. I have seen where, sometimes - we men get tripped up in this tango. So if success is to be had, sometime should be spent on the first meeting and beyond tango.

Alton

PS: David E, I like the new Avatar!! It's about time we got to look at some beauty - don't you think?

[Rhonald]

David E

A very thought provoking response from the woman's perspective. No wonder your lady admires you. Your intellectual qualities allowed her to overlook, as you stated, your physical looks.

[David E]

Rhonald

You cut me to the very core...its nothing that a good Plastic Surgeon couldn't fix :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

David

[odysseus007]

Rhonald

You cut me to the very core...its nothing that a good Plastic Surgeon couldn't fix :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

David

Nah, he looks  very attractive....even without the Photoshopping :icon_cheesygrin:

[dude]

Awesome guys!
 You have made some great points that fit much with my wifes end of this adventure! I also like how you both have pointed to what the ladies are feeling! I have learned much from my wife and our lady friends here in Changsha. My wife had many of the same problems with the agency: telling her to let them do everything, spur of the moment meeting of men(you know the guys that were writing other women that weren't available), her English is too poor, and such. You are both right about men being non-committing to taking the trip to China!

Yes, we do hear all the stories the bro's here say and how they are being scammed and such...you both hit the bullseye with this...it's a two way street and some have a difficult time believing that the lady isn't interested(this is an indirect comment...so nobody take it personally...PLEASE!). As we have preferences, they do too! Just because we come from countries that we feel are much richer than theirs, that they will AUTOMATICALLY be wooed by us! Women are women anywhere! If we had extreme difficulty dating women in our own world, this won't be any easier!

Keep the points, aspects, and opinions rolling! This would make for great reading for those that find this forum and are suspecting: Are the women real and/or Are the scamming us? As for us men that have had success...WE KNOW THESE BEAUTIFUL LADIES ARE REAL!!!
P.S.metooap Congratz on your marriage too! We wish you happiness everyday!
P.S. David E congratz on your successful find and we wish you happiness everyday too...also your comment: (as you can imagine, If I managed to attract her, she could not be THAT fussy !!!!!)
come on... you blow away Brad Pitt! :icon_cheesygrin: I really hope you get a good laugh with this comment! ...it's the heart our women look at...they know we have good ones!

[David E]

Hahaha...Dude...Butt I always remember what my Mum said about looks vs personality....

As a beauty, I am not a star
There are others more beautiful by far
My face...I dont mind it...
For I am behind it....

Its the poor sods in front get the jar !!

Ming reckons I am handsome, gorgeous, sexy, attractive, intelligent, tall, slim.......and a few more things that are private !!!

So what else do I care ??...:fi_lone_ranger:
ta da !!!

David:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:OK...now the other side of the coin.

As told to me by Ming...and who I believe completely.

For much the same reasons as us Bros, she decided to join a couple of the "free" dating sites....China Love Links and Blossom.com...she wanted out of the CHNLove filtration system.

She posted a profile and some normal, daily photos. She asked for a guy who was between 50 and 60 (she is 44), in good health with steady job and stable life...with no addictions to alcohol or drugs. Children were OK.

She began to get emails almost immediately, from guys who said all sorts of nice things about themselves. She also got emails from guys who said all sorts of disgusting things that they would like to do with her !!!!

She winkled it all out to 6 guys who "seemed" to be reasonable and began to correspond. After a few emails she got the requests for QQ and decided to give her QQ number to 4 guys as a result.

On first QQ contact on the agreed date and time, the first guy was at least 70 years old, very fat, very unkempt and immediately wanted her to start stripping !!!

Try again...the second guy was ACTUALLY naked on QQ and was in "all his glory "...she did not bother with anybody else !!! (I wonder why) !!

Can you imagine what this does to the mind of a serious, moral Chinese Woman........................

So, she decided that she would give this all away, but was persuaded by a girl friend to try again, because the girlfriend had done the selection herself and had met a good Man.

Luckily for me, I was one of the Men she contacted and we began our relationship. But she was VERY wary until I had taken time and trouble to have a few QQ sessions which were normal, civilised and free from smut and innuendo.

So once again, these women have, in the main, a very distorted view of the average "punter" out there...we have to take a lot of time and trouble to convince them we are not like that !!

Food for thought ??

David

[ttwjr32]

hey davide,

im fat look 170 but it must be my good grooming that kept me in the race
for a good lady  lol!!!!!

and i didnt ask them to strip

[shaun]

New guy's if you want to jump from woman to woman on the more open sites like blossoms start talking about sex immediately and do the stupid things David E mentioned.

If you are looking for a good woman I wouldn't talk about anything like that for a long time.   As I get closer to my departure date I am discovering that my woman has needs just like I do and the subject is dealt with respectfully.

Just because you are on the internet talking with a woman half way around the world behind closed doors does not mean that you should cast self control aside.  I think one should use it more.  These are women we are talking to and once they feel like objects they really are not interested.  If you allow a woman, in any country, to become aroused by your personality they will use subtle ways of letting you know where the relationship could end up, behind closed doors that is.

While I am on that subject.  If there is a "score" that happens behind closed doors while in China you will NOT see a field goal dance from me. So please be gentlemen and do not ask.  I will introduce Peggy to this site and believe me, she is a lady and I do not want her to read about it.

[ttwjr32]

GOOD POINT Shaun

nobody's business what goes on

but we do expect pics of you and her about town
and at restuaraunts. and when Peggy joins we will
all tell her how wonderful you are at least i will for
bringing that case of jerky :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
:icon_biggrin:

[Lee357]

I have always been sure that my Lady was real. We used the Dance for a total of 50 EMFs between us. I asked early for direct contact and was told very directly that she had done that before and it was very negative for her. We did eventually move past the EMF dance on to QQ then web cam and finally phone conversations. She would not move past the EMF dance until she was reasonably sure that I was not "some sex crazed American" those were her exact words. I Have never asked her what it was like before her and I started to correspond but those words tell me all I need to know.
In my opinion I was lucky in that My lady was the first one I wrote to and have only written a total of 4 letters to other ladies on CL, and that was in the beginning when I was trying to keep a back up plan. In the end it was not in my personality to do that so I ended it with the other lady. I have talked with my lady about the other Ladies at the agency she was with and she tells me they are all sincere and real. I have never bought into the "they are not real" argument. I always understood that there might be agencies that will send false letters, or fluffed letters. I just never believed that the ladies themselves were not real or sincere considering how much it cost them to even sign with an agency.
just my take on it. I can tell you it has worked out for me and my lady is and always has been real, although at times not real interested in me. That was mainly due to some stupid thing I said (usually some joke or me trying to be funny) without thinking about the cultural differences. :icon_biggrin:

[ttwjr32]

Lee,

its true seems like there are quite a few sex crazed men who try to talk
with these ladies and want to talk that. just doesnt seem like a good topic
and with so many times of being confronted like that there is the reason
for their hesitation. i always wondered was the man really looking or just
playing games. i hear so many stories about this from ladies here that it
boggles the mind to think that it is so prevelant. i think when the lady loses
interest then that is when someone says--- scam--- which is not the case.