Sex issues

[JimB]

Hans,
My wife was 40 when we met.  we did not have a physical relationship until we were engaged. She is also traditional which is  one of the things I love about her.  So Like Davd5o said, I think once you are committed to each other things will change.  By the way, if she is traditional you are expected to make the choices and lead the way.  My wife does everything about the home and me but I make the decisions on the major things, like where we live and so on.

[ttwjr32]

in other words communicate and work together equally to resolve
situations .

[rockycoon]

I agree with Ted.  Westerners are not so bad, in fact if you look at it, you will find that the ladies who are married to westerners are
very happy with no problems at all. The western idea is to share
everything with the wife, not just make heavy decisions, but to talk
them over with the wife and come to a logical conclusion.

[David E]

Yes...I basically agree with you Ted and Rocky...but I definitely think that Western Men who marry Chinese Women have got to get used to making decisions !!!

My experience so far is that Chinese Women will want thir husband to be the "Man" of the household...whilst they still like to know what is happening .

Obviously, I am not talking about a Dictatorship here...simply a Man is a Man is a Man...

David

[shaun]

Hans,

I do not have a lot to say here because the others have written it.  But I will say this.  You need to get your head out of your ### and realize that when it comes to love and compatibility it will be what you make of it.  You do not, I repeat do not make love to a woman a few minutes a day.  It takes all day long to make love to her.  You are getting what you like then you are not putting in what she needs.  It is as simple as that.  I held Peggy for three hours this afternoon as she slept on the bus ride to Shenzhen.  I rubbed and massaged her back, shoulders, arms, face, head.  I even scratched her head.  I told her I loved her at least 10 times on the trip home.  She has treated me like Prince charming ever since we got off the bus.  I wonder why?

I have know a few women in my life and I can tell you that you get more than you give but you had better be giving.

Sexual compatibility.  Get real.

Shaun

[Hans]

Shaun, you don't have to tell me what love is. I've been in relationships before, I'm not 12. And where did you get the idea that I'm not willing to give in a relationship?

We all have our own experiences shaping us as humans. What has happened to people tend to have an impact on them later in similiar situations. That's why I brought up the "sexual compatibility" part, not to get a lecture about what love is. If you have other experiences, that's fine. That doesn't make them mine, though. My lady is incredibly sweet but when I have some concerns amidst all the positive things happening between us, I thought that this was the place to bring it up.

[ron]

I am not sure whether this will help or not but I ill try.If she has no experience there wouldnt  be a lot to talk about from her end of it.However after she is married she ould discuss this with her husband.Can you remember your first time?It as a learning experience.I am sure she would be pretty nervous if she has never done such a thing.So getting her to be open with you about this will be a difficult thing.In her eyes once she is married she has something she can totally offer you which is of herself completely.It is hard for a person to discuss something they know little about .I ould suggest patience and compassion.Try to look at her side once she loses her virginity it is gone she wont be able to get that back .I hope this helps in some small way
       Ron

[ttwjr32]

Wow Shaun if i told you i loved you then you would have brought more jerky
        from the states???  lol !!!!

[ttwjr32]

lol!!!!! i guess???  i wonder if Willy will bring some when he visits this weekend:icon_cheesygrin:

[Arnold]

" Sexual Compatibility " Now let me see Hans . Why is it .. that I been writing to my Wife for seven month's before ever meeting her Face to Face and " I " never ones thought of this . Oh yes , I had my fantasies .. what if and how good will it be . But never did I made this a major problem or let it be one for that matter . We decided to get married just through our writing ( some may call me or my Wife stupid ) but it was going to happen if there was Compatibility at first or not . One can work on that I think and not be afraid one will know more or less then the other about sex . Of course this is a private issue between two people and as much ( like you say ) you like your Lady .. why even ask such question . I didn't say LOVE your Lady , because you don't really .. otherwise this would NOT be a problem for you . Maybe you do need to learn more about real LOVE and I for sure know what I'm talking about .
Remember , ones you find the one your Compatible with ... what happens if your Lady / Wife has an Accident and the Compatibility is out the window ? Will it be Goodbye .. see you , like I know some People like this . Hans , I like you .. but don't be like that or those Folks where Sex is more then .. 30 % of the Relationship . It would never last , trust me .

[Sylvain D]

I don't really sex is the 1st thing man would have to think about, when he is writting to any woman at first... or should he write only with his ##### and not his own head!
if so, I gonna think there are some "clubs" only for that... or just some places where man can give some $$$ if he wants.. but well... maybe should it be another subject and that it should not be talked over here?

Maybe chinese women are "hot" in love, maybe some are less, I don't know. and anyway, I won't tell anything about Liyan and me in that thread, because I'd then believe Willy would need more viagra... (or not...) (*kidding*)
I don't either know if there should be any way to compare sex issues in western countries and in china...
love is love, sex is only a part of it, even if for most of us, sex is LINKED to love... no love, no sex...
but maybe (and I guess) that there are some men who are always living as in ice age, living only for sex....
then, maybe should they be renamed "bonobo men"?
**hem**

[rockycoon]

You do not, I repeat do not make love to a woman a few minutes a day. It takes all day long to make love to her. You are getting what you like then.

Shaun,  "All Day?"   say your not getting into Willy's viagra....LOL

[Hans]

Many of you seem convinced that sex is not an important part of a relationship. I beg to differ. My experience, and many of my friends' too, is that the initial part of a relationship contains a lot of sex. That is sort of the passion part, when everything with your partner is new and exciting. That's when you can have sex three times a day just because you can't keep your hands off each other.

I know love is a larger topic than just sex, however in a relationship sex is an important part among others. Why deny that? I have and some of my friends have broken up with girlfriends because of troubles on the sexual department (often it is also something else acting as trigger). In the essay I am writing at the moment about prostitution, sex workers tell me that many of their customers are married men. I wonder why they are paying for sex if they could get good sex with their wives...? Sexual compatibility, common desires, mutual understanding of the physical needs... Call it what you like.  

About marriage, I would never even contemplate getting married with someone I haven't even met in real life. It's easy to get carried away if you meet an amazing woman but I think living together for some time and experiencing each other in good times and bad times before proposing is not a bad idea. There's a reason why most people do this. The average couple in Sweden live together for seven years before getting married. We're the outcasts here and I can't blame other people for thinking we're a bit weird! :icon_cheesygrin:

[Hans]

I'm just explaining what it usually looks like in Sweden. Since I'm on this road now, in a relationship with a Chinese lady with a different view on these matters, naturally I can't expect things to be exactly like among Swedish couples. Yes, I have explained that sex is a crucial part of the relationship among Swedes, she's aware of the different perspectives. If you read my first post in this thread, although it was written when I was a bit emotional, you'll see that my aim is to reach some kind of compromise between our two different cultures. That goes for everyting in the relationship, not just sex.

If we marry, it will most likely be next year. But right now I am more concerned about the visa process than anything else.

[dude]

I see here many on the assumption bandwagon that this woman is a virgin...did I miss something? The younger people, in China, have a modern view of this subject and may experiment with it more than their predecessor's...I can be wrong but expressing my opinion like everybody else. I see more than just holding hand's, in public, here in China...especially with the younger people!

Arnold had made a good comment about, if there was an accident or something happened and a lady or you couldn't have sex anymore...would we or they stay with us or them?

Hans...this is a very important subject matter with relationships and I have brought it up here on occasions too! Living here I see a different picture than what we fantasize things to be back at home! This is a "REAL" subject matter with real importance...unless this cycle of one's body has died off!

I feel many are under the illusion of what I will call "China Doll Syndrome"! Everybody has/had sexual needs and this is important as love is in any relationship! Also, the profession you are writing about is a very active profession here in China and I'm sure it has been for as long as time can tell! Many marriages are broken up here because of infidelity...just my thoughts...................