THE FORUM

[mustfocus]

I've been commenting on and off on the lack of posts, but after reflecting on this, here's my point of view...

Part of the the issue I believe is a bit of exhaustion.  I noticed that after a whole bunch of members returned from China in February and March that things started to quiet down.  Some of the guys coming back on highs, some coming back on lows...that does tend to make people not want to post for a while.

Others have moved on from the forums for their own reasons... we've lost a whole bunch of posters for reasons not necessarily related to this forum.  We've also lost others because of this forum...some people have stopped reading because they've gotten what they need.

Related to that last sentence is that things are going well for those who are married and those who are talking to their ladies.  When I first joined, a lot of the conversation was going towards people with issues.  After a certain point, we have covered MANY scenarios already... So people who would originally join and ask questions can just read what has happened.

There is also a certain feeling due to a few members who unfortunately drag down the spirit of the board.  No names, but after reading post after post of the same complaint, it does tend to discourage some people.

Finally, we're also at a point where we don't have that much new blood period.  Imagine being stuck in a room with 10 guys all the time...how long can the guys have something new to talk about.  In my workplace, there are around 20 people in the room.  They always have something to talk about for the first several hours of work.  But AFTER that, the place quiets down until someone does something goofy...


Just a few cents worth of perspective... YMMV... If you want to fix it, start a new post about something new and as the saying goes... If you ask it, they will come.

[Rhonald]

Mustfocus - you were certainly on target with your statement. The coffe must have worked to get your thoughts all focused. Good post.

I know from the immigration blog site I am following that the HK timeline thread has had many dormant periods. Being so slow for us there that usually after some frustrating silence, someone posts. The Beijing timeline thread has way more people getting their visas processed quickly that there are way more frequent postings.

I do miss new postings as I do bide my time every night here reading while I wait for my wife on QQ. But even our QQ sessions are usually boring. As Mustfocus has stated, after a while most of the information has been divulged and then silence insues.

I found the new thread of the difference between Japan and China entertaining. Maybe we can talk someone into exploring the other Asian lands to keep us amused. Anyone for exploring Korea or maybe the Ladyboys of  What is next to your thigh land :sleepy:

[shaun]

Martin,

Sorry, I didn't see your last post.  Yes you are entitled to your opinion.  In fact I want to know your opinion.  I just thought the insulted remark was a little much along with defining homogenized.   We are all entitled.

Ron, lol....   boi, I tell you.

Shaun

[mustfocus]

Some new threads would be nice...or even a happy report on a trip or an update about how people's relationships are going...

[Rhonald]

Some new threads would be nice...or even a happy report on a trip or an update about how people's relationships are going...

I arrived back home to our slow season in the oil patch with all the road bans inplace. Thus I have tried to levatate the mood. Work is slow - the website is slow - so I hope to please. I feel guilty at work playing Civ 4 all day so I have pulled out my quill keyboard for you guys. But also, my spirit feels low with the waiting for news on my wife's visa.

[brett]

I've got a little fed up with this forum at times. Topics seem to veer off topic on a regular basis. There are a few Chinese fanboys who keep criticising pretty much everything I write. I think the newbies deserve to hear both sides of the argument for and against finding a Chinese wife. I also worry that the forum softened me up too much in my dealings with my lady. Guys there are 9400+ ladies on chnlove. There is no shortage of beautiful ladies in China. Life in China for Ms. Average is tough. A Western husband is a meal ticket for life. We should not be putting up with any ?#%! from ladies who think they are princesses.

I wasn't pleased when my thread was closed. It got heated, but the whole story should have been told.

That said I'm also writing elsewhere now, and making decent money from my ramblings :icon_cool:. One good thing about this place is that it has taught me that writing about tough subjects really draws in the crowds.

I haven't closed the door on the Chinese wife idea though, but I am exploring other possibilities :icon_cheesygrin:, and I encourage other brothers to be the same, be it trying other dating sites, or ladies from other countries. My new Japanese agency are charging me half of what I've already forked out on chnlove. Now that's interesting :icon_biggrin:.

[Willy The Londoner]

As you are all aware I was the number 1 culprit in going off thread and making light of many of the less serious topics.  Seems like since I stopped such postings the rest of you stopped as well!!!   But I am sure that is just co-incidence.  

As a ladies page in Chinese was not succesful then I suppose there no point in suggesting that we have a page just for non North Americans.

North Americans see things different to others in the world.  Especially with humour.  Sometimes Anglo/Australian humour is often completely misunderstood by North Americans who show this is different ways.  All the Moderators are from North America except for Irishman who is really just the Techno wizard.

I have been pulled up on many occasions but this has always by North Americans who have not understood the subtleness of my Anglo humour.  

So I ask this question is it not time for this forum to be split in two.  One half will to be kept for the those still searching and will be moderated heavily to ensure they are kept on thread.  Then have another half for those who have already found wifes and where they can joke around over their own threads.  

Have a joke thread is not the answer that makes the humor homogenised.  

Anyone have any views on this.

Willy

[David E]

Willy

 I dont think a split Forum adds much to the quality of the Broterhood......"us and them syndrome".

I hope that all of our collective experience can be shared by all of the readers...old and new.

And joking around, humour and irreverence is all part of the total exchange of information, after all, each of us is an individual personality with our own quirks etc.

Maybe the humour belongs, in the main , in our own threads, and not to completely clutter up somebody elses'

To make this into a rule will not be easy, and I hope that we can all get a bit more responsible as to when we send a thread off track.

As it is at the moment, we have one good post followed by umpteen one-liners that dont exactly contribute anything to the theme of the thread

I believe we just need to think a bit more carefully about what we post....especially in somebody elses' thread.

My 2 bob's worth

David

 A Western husband is a meal ticket for life. We should not be putting up with any ?#%! from ladies who think they are princesses.

Brett

That is a particularly silly and offensive statement to make. How can you possibly be serious about ANY relationship when it is fixed firmly in your mind that any prospective Chinese/Asian partner for you, regards it as merely finding a meal ticket for life ??.

On behalf of my Darling Ming.....I totally refute your view on this and you should apologise to her for such an innuendo.

You shoot some pretty low blows......I'm tired of it

David A Evans

[Willy The Londoner]

Just a quick reply to David.  I would still see the successful members giving the benefit if their advice to newbies and anyone who thinks they may need it.  I am saying let it be closely moderated but have a another section where those giving advice can hang out and joke amongst themselves.   Whilst awaiting the questions from those needing help.  We have sections for experienced members, newbies but then maybe the camp fire is already set for that but the joke section is no good for jokey comments that are for the spur of the moment and the Shout box, when it is used, is just mainly for saying hello and goodnight!

I concur with you about Bretts comments.  At times they are quite inflammatory and such comments are uncalled for.


Willy

[Buzz]

That said I'm also writing elsewhere now, and making decent money from my ramblings :icon_cool:. One good thing about this place is that it has taught me that writing about tough subjects really draws in the crowds.

Fires, earthquakes and other disasters also draw in the crowds.  You can chose to be someone with a positive attitude and work towards a common goal or someone who takes the easy way out and starts fires with out any thought of the consequences.  One more reason I have written little over the past year, is a lesson I learned when younger.  "it is better to be silent and thought a fool, than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt".  needless to say there are many people (including myself at times) leave no doubt about being fools.

buzz

[Vince G]

In my everyday life I use humor. I go to the store I try to make them smile, on the phone or in writing. That is me and nobody is going to change it. My lady is exactly the same. It's the main reason why we get along. I have always defended that going off topic shouldn't make a difference. We are talking as friends do. It will go back to being on topic. It's nothing to worry about as far as I see it, others don't see it that way.

You can't change someone's personality and I will not be confined to serious dialog only.

[mustfocus]

I don't see an issue with humour, but I do think that if we start to see the thread getting hijacked (ie: more than one or two messages off topic based on a joke or comment), why not split it?  Quite often we (as a group) have to haul it back on topic.  Whether it's eggs or squatting toilets or whatever, often the threads get really off topic and then when we have to look for something, we complain it's hard to find because the thread goes crazy.

One other thing I'd like to see, less woman bashing.  When a relationship fails, it is VERY RARELY just one side's fault.  To blame the lady without her having the ability to defend herself here is just wrong.  Often we forget the expectations of the lady and think of the relationship is of our expectations...  One comment I found interesting was Brett's comment on there are 9400+ profiles on chnlove so we shouldn't have to put up with crap.  Yes there are...but how many men's profiles are there on chnlove.  All we can hope from the ladies, and all they can really hope from us is honest communications between each other.  Often the translators get in the way of that, but that doesn't mean we have to follow the same path as they do.

My point is (and I'm not the articulate one), when it fails, both sides are part to blame...you might want to air your grievences out here, but remember that for all the failings on the other side, there are always red flags that you should have noticed as well.

Another couple of cents...

[Chong]

There may be 9400+ profiles but once you state specifications, requirements and first impressions, the realistic number is 5% ... 470. Of those, how many ladies will actually like you ... in return  So cut another 50% = 235 ladies to choose from.

'mustfocus' hit it on the dot ... sometimes, it's the guy's who's at fault and not the lady. Since the start of FaceBook in Nov '08 and then this Forum ... lots of jerks have passed this way.

[seagull]

Maybe it is just me, but I think there are far too many forums on this site. Navigating through so many forums is a pain and discourages posting. I'd rather just have 4-5 forums dedicated to broader topics (e.g. how about just have one forum for marriage, and maybe sticky threads for info on each country? Would it be the end of the world if "Share Your Love Story and the "Campfire" were merged, among others?) than have 100 different forums for every minor thing that springs to mind.

[shaun]

OK.  I was going to be serious but I am sorry.  There was one post that is begging for comment.  Vince, go to your room!

I haven't seen this many different posts in a while.  Maybe some of us post too much.  Thinking we have something important to say.  More often we do not but want to participate.  The little jokes and picking on each other in fun are what give this site flavor. Look even Willy and his huevos came out.  But honestly we are seeing Buzz which I can't remember when he commented last.  Glad to see you back.  seagull, and a few others.

Maybe the problem is really two fold.  1. we are basically rehashing old stuff and people are tired of commenting.  2. men get upset with what is going on in their personal life and it carries onto this site occasionally.  Guy's this is at best an emotional roller coaster.  We are up one minute and down the next.  We're over joyed about this but depressed about something else.  Until we get to a comfortable place with a woman permanently in our lives it is a roller coaster.  There needs to be room for that and for speaking up when you are offended without being slammed.

Shaun