Not appreciating cultural differences can really put a strain on the best of international relationships. So with that in mind here are some traditional differences in dining etiquette between the Chinese and the rest of us.
In China:
1. It is polite to slurp your soup loudly at a meal, to not do so is to insult the cook by suggesting you don't like the soup.
2. It is impolite to touch your food with your fingers except in rare circumstances, and it is very rude to touch your fingers to your mouth, no matter how irritating that thread of pig gut, octopus tendril or snake belly that has wedged itself firmly between your teeth has become.
3. Likewise it is impolite to visibly pick your teeth with a toothpick, and you must cover this action with your other hand to hide what you are doing from public view.
4. It is polite to eat from the communal plate with your chopsticks, and impolite to use a separate serving utensil to scoop a private portion for yourself (a growing recognition of the health concerns to be associated with everyone eating off the same plate is causing some change of attitude lately).
5. No matter that the conversation has been gong on for over an hour and all the food has gone cold and developed a crust, no matter that your stomach is growling with hunger pangs, do not be the first to reach out and grab a morsel of food. That honor is reserved for someone else. You will know who when he (it is invariably a "he") reaches out and delicately takes the first bite, causing everyone else to burst into joyful feasting.
6. No matter how annoying you may find it, your Chinese wife or girlfriend will want to constantly feed you, from her chopsticks to your mouth, with little morsels from the communal plates. It does not matter if you just stuffed an entire chicken breast in your mouth and you are almost suffocating trying to chew it into submission, she is determined to add that piece of fish to the mix, so make room, or you will cause her to lose face in front of her family or friends.
7. Take equal portions from each communal dish, trying not to show a preference for any one dish over the other, and try to take whatever piece is most readily available, avoiding the appearance of trying to nab the best morsel.
8. Don't add soy sauce or salt or anything else to a communal dish - you will greatly offend the cook!
9. Apparently it is polite for everyone to speak at the top of their voice and at at the same time while dining in a restaurant, at least judging by the large Chinese restaurants I've attended.
10. At large gatherings the drinking of spirits is frequently an important aspect of the event. Almost invariably the drink of choice is Bai ju, which is not wine but a kind of distilled rice alcohol, varying in potency from about 35% to as high as 90% alcohol. Many Westerners detest it but I think it is fair to say you need to develope a taste for it, much like whiskey in our culture. Now more and more, beer seems to be an acceptable replacement or at least a companion to the Chinese White Spirit. On these occasions you should not drink alone, but must find someone to toast or be toasted by so that you are always drinking your drink in accompaniment with someone else. At many Chinese gatherings the Chinese men will take turns toasting with you. Luckily, if you are an average Western male, your drinking prowess will outweigh theirs so at the end of the meal the drinking contest will be a draw, much to their surprise.
11. Your toast can be as simple as a mutual nod, but frequently it is expressed with the words "Gam Bei" said as we might say "Cheers", which means bottoms up or empty your glass. You are not required to empty your glass, but you both increase the strength of the toast and impress your new Chinese friends if you do.
12. It is okay to smoke during your meal and impolite to suggest that someone shouldn't.
13. Dining is the single most popular social and recreational event in China, and from the start when your host discusses his order for seeming hours in the finest of detail with the waitress. To the finish when everyone slowly rises and says there individual goodbyes to everyone else in the room, it will seem to you to have lasted for about a week, but in truth it will only be about 3 hours. No matter how strong your inclination is to pretend to go to the bathroom and then just go hang out at the bar for a couple of hours, resist it. You will cost your new Chinese lady an incredible loss of face. Besides, there is no bar and you'll just get lost looking for it and ultimately causing yourself considerable loss of face too .
