What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?

[Willy The Londoner]

Not sure where the free loading off of wife's came from Paul.  Maybe you have more experience in that field than me as either you missed my point or you just wanted to get something new into the discussion.    And I was not talking about scams and scammer's.   I was talking about the average Chinese women.

We probably all know where men have been supporting women and then lots their jobs and the women has gone - been some on here as well.      Some women I  know even moved away from their men when they realised that he was not going to improve their own position - some are already divorced.   

To Chinese women MONEY IS the first consideration in a relationship,  has he lots of money, has he prospects of earning good money, will he buy you a house?  These are the first things that a women is asked by family and friends when she admits to going out with a foreigner. 

But I agree with the fact that YOU should help one another through good and bad times, that is what being married is about but sometimes it does not work both ways.  A marriage is for keeps, no two ways about it, but both Chinese wife's and foreign husband come into marriages 2nd or  3rd hand or even more  with the attitude that if it don't work then I can soon end it. I say make a mistake and you should live with it. 

Anyway I would say before you marry someone you should follow possibly Shaun and  that of Irishman examples - get to know each other first. If you cannot spend a lot of time in China then make several visits. 

Do not rush into a marriage within days of meeting each face to face for the first time.  NO MATTER how much you talk by video cam, telephone or any other method.  Get to know each other first and her to know you.   Each talking in their own controlled environments is not the same as face to face.

I was in China was three months before I met my now wife.  I spent another 5 months in China with her before we embarked on marriage.  We knew each others good and bad points. I am buying a home here. Not for my wife but our home.  (Mind you it will end up as hers, no doubt, as I hold a few less life years in credit than she.)  But after being single for just over 60 years I wanted to be sure that I ever only had one wife in my life or should I say I only ever wanted to marry and have one wife.   

I know my wife's history and I know that I am making a difference to her life, hopefully for the better!!!, as she has certainly made a difference to mine.

Willy

[David E]

Half and half........

I think Western men wish to share many things with wife. Discuss all things, agree with each other how to manage life together. Decide together what to do. Make plans together how to live happy life.

I think many Chinese men want to make most decisions by themself and wife will obey.

We call this "master/servant relationship"...or "patriarchy (sorry for big word, but it will translate OK )

Most Western Women will not allow Men to make all decisions, most Western men want to share all things with wife.

This is "half and half"...doing all things together....with pleasure and love.

[sara]

David
    you said: "I think Western men wish to share many things with wife. Discuss all things, agree with each other how to manage life together. Decide together what to do. Make plans together how to live happy life.“ that means sharing everything with his wife and making their life better with a good plan the west countries? but somebody told me: "Half and half........" means the husband could use all his wife's money because she has a house and made money more than him, and he keep something secret from his wife.
   Thank for being patient to me because i know i need to learn more and make my life better in the future.
sara

[David E]

Sara

The laws about shared money and houses are different in each Country.

But basically, what money and property husband and wife make TOGETHER must be shared between them.

What money and property a wife or husband has BEFORE they were married, can be kept seperate (that is Australian law)

If the marriage has produced children, then wife will get a very big share of ALL husbands money and property....this is a VERY different situation.

A husband cannot LEGALLY use his wife's money unless she agrees to it. he has no rights to take her money. She has no rights to take his money also !!

[halfpint]

Sara there are legal issues with how money and property are shared.  To really know you would need to consult with a lawyer in the country you would reside in.  More important I think is how the couple view these issues.  It's something a couple should discuss as money often creates conflict in a marriage.  When I was married my wife and I pooled everthing together.  It didnt matter who earned it, it was there for both of us.  We also shared all of the important decisions in our life.  I think a lot of western men would do the same.

[Neil]

      i have a question to ask: how to make sure a western is nice husband before or after  married?
sara

Obviously, communication is very important.  Don't be afraid to ask tough (uncomfortable) questions, and don't accept simple answers.  If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. 

Time together is probably more important.  How he treats your family is a good indication, but how he treats the taxi driver or street vendor can sometimes reveal his true nature. 

I have a question for you Sara:  Why do you want to find a western husband? 

[Vince G]

Now here's a subject I am well experienced in. I can only speak for myself but the "Half and Half" to me never works out right. Though I dated women that had or made more then me I never took advantage of it. I still paid for the dinners, etc. It's just not my nature to take. On the other hand I've had the opposite with women supposedly to be half and half and decide to put their money away and live off mine. 

Sara, yes it is possible a man will take from a woman there are some like this but it depends on the man.

A good saying to remember is "You don't know the person until you live with them"

[sara]

  Why do i want to find a western husband?  this is ince question to me.
   you know, i have a job and a nice family (my parients both retired and have a high salary in china), and i have had a house in gz over 10 years. i have travelled a lot in china. i just never travel out of china.  i needn't have him to support me and my families' life after i met a western husband.
   the saying in china: it's too old to learn. i think keeping to learn new could make my life happy and my brain young .  and i love the defferent culture, eating, thoughts for each other.
   i hope to learn more from the westean husband about the west countries' culture and the others because some of what i read about the west countries from internte are right, some are wrong.
  i hope i could travel over the world after i retired with my west husband. maybe some people think travelling over the world needs a lot of money. but i don't think so you needn't much money to do it if you make the detail plan for travel first.
  i was told: "you make more money and spend less, and i make less money and spend more so you need to give me money to use because we are a team." it is shame for a man if he did like that in china. How about thinking of his behavor in the west culture?
  i have another question to ask: what do you think about the western if he never pay the bills of the restaurant with his lady's family and friends in china?
sara

[halfpint]

Sara if you meet a western guy that won't treat your friends and family to meals...find another guy.  Gentleman pick up the bill!

[Neil]

I agree.  Sometimes it's hard to argue if others try to pay first.  He should at least attempt to pay the bill. 

[Willy The Londoner]

I have travelled to more than 40 countries in the world and if anyone thinks you can do that on little money from China then you are living in a dream world.

Many of these countries you cannot look for the cheapest hotels because if you do you are likely to end up in a problem neighbourhood.  The USA and UK included.

Frankly many women I have met here expect too much from their men on many occasions. 

If the husband falls on bad times the wife should help  him both financially and with love. If the wife need help then the husband should do likewise.   A couple should see each other through the hard times as well as the good.

Marriages are give and take wherever you are in the world.  The only problem with Chinese  marriage there is no mention of 'for richer for poorer for better or worse'.  They seem to follow the Nigerian service where the words are 'for richer for richest for better for best'.

If you are only looking for a foreign husband so that you can travel oversea and live well then what happens to "love'?

Why not save up and do some traveling with organised groups.  That way is becoming more and more popular in China as they often solve the visa problems.

Willy

Willy

[sara]

Willy
Would you read the book -" how to use 3000 dollars to travel over the word"? i think a lot of chinese poeple have 3000 dollars now include me.
sara

[Willy The Londoner]

Why don't you try it?  It will give you an idea of just how difficult it is to live in the so called western world.  But In think the title is so out of date. $3000  You need half of that to get to the USA.  And you dont get cooking facilities in hotels you have to eat out and find food that agrees with you.  Very pricey unless you go for the basic takeaways!

 I have been all over the world except Australia and New Zealand and it has cost me a great deal more than that. 

I have a book with the title 'Europe on a $1 a day'. But it is about 50 years old.

Willy

[David E]

A Husband and a Wife are a team.....or they should be !!

Before marriage, it is Western tradition for husband to pay for many things..dinner, theatre, movies and such.

After marriage, they are Team and who has money is not important...all is shared together.

Sara...if you a thinking for a marriage to a Western man where all your money and all his money is seperate...then you dont have a marriage, you have a Business Contract. !!!

If you love this Man, and he loves you, it does not matter if you are rich or poor, together you will make your life as good as possible. When you are together, it is NOT money that keeps a marriage strong, it is love, honour and compassion. If you or him have problems, together you can work them out well.

If you want a travel companion who will pay his own fare and you pay your own fare...that is OK...but dont have a marriage for this...have a friend only.

[David E]

To get an air fare to anywhere out of China will cost at least $1000

A hotel (not a backpacker doss-house) in any other country will cost at least $200 per day.

Food will cost $50 per day (at least)

So for $3000 you will get a 10 day holiday each year ONLY...and it will be a very low grade holiday.

If you want a Western Holiday and have a good standard and pleasant sightseeing and food, (plus air fare)....$3000 will last about 1 week.

My last holiday in Phuket at a 4 star hotel, for one person including air fare cost me $4700 Aus...and I enjoyed myself but I did not do many things which would have cost a lot more money (trips and excursions and hotel food)