Getting pictures?

[Kevin T.]

Hey all. My name is Kevin. First, I'd like to say thanks to all of you here. Reading through these topics has answered a ton of my questions already.

Here's the thing: my girl only sends me pictures about once a month, if that, and even then, it's like pulling teeth. She tells me she doesn't have a camera and has to borrow one, but really? I mean, she has a cell phone, how hard can it be? What I'd like to know is, did I really find the one woman in China who isn't addicted to cameras like crack, or is somebody blowing smoke up my ass? I feel a red flag here, but I could use some opinions.

I'm 32, she's 25. We've been writing for 9 months through EMF's, and I'm happy with that. She mentions things I've said months ago, plus I get a new picture every other month or two, so I'm pretty sure I'm not just writing to a translator. Still, something seems off. Always has, and I can't put my finger on it.  I like this girl though, and I don't want my paranoia to ruin it.

Not sure what else you guys need to know, but I'm happy to tell you guys more if you need. I just want to put my mind at ease.

Thanks,
Kevin

[David E]

Hi Kevin...welcome !!

Only comment I would have is that 9 months on EMF's is a loooong time. Maybe by now it would be prudent to move onto a more personal communication such as QQ.
The EMF process can, repeat can, (not always) lend itself to long term abuse of your money !!!

After 9 months, it must be pretty obvious to your Girl that you are not just a "player"...so if she is real/sincere, you should have no problems in moving your communication to a higher level.

You may get some resistance at first from the Agency, but if I were you I would persist with them until you get onto some face-to-face comunication. Then you will know EXACTLY who you are speaking to.

One further comment...after 9 months, have you discussed with her the possibility/timing of a visit to meet her ? Many of these Women wont let you get closer until they know you are at least prepared to go to meet them. They do get communications from Guys who are not serious and just foolin' around. The visit tends to cement in their minds that you are in fact serious.

Good luck....David

[RobertBfrom aust]

Kevin , I would think at 9 months of emf's time for you may be running out , at 25 her clock is ticking and I bet her family or friends may be introducing possible partners to her often , with 9 out of 10 ladies I would suggest 6 months is about the longest to communicate by all means including emf , video cams and phone before visiting , these sites are not penfriend sites and the amount of money spent could be spent on a visit , regards Sujuan and Robert .

[Vince G]

Heard this all before and been there done that. I have the same thing going on except it's computer instead of camera (though one has only sent 1 photo in all the time). Don't blame the girl entirely when the translator could be editing the letter. Here's what I mean, at first (I write two women) I asked if they had a computer. Both said they did not. Then in a letter both had said something of "Their" computer. I got a letter yesterday from one that said "I also like to scan those old pictures into my computer and upload them on the internet, then I can save them for a long time."?? Pretty good on a computer that she doesn't have? Do I blame her, No.

As for getting on with communicating, it's not easy. The translator has to miss the mention so it gets through.

[Kevin T.]

Wow thanks for the quick replies! David E, yes 9 months is way too long. I've been trying to open up direct email with her for months, but she says she has a computer at home, but doesn't like to use it. I tried texts, and everything else I could think of. I haven't mentioned QQ, but I don't think it would do much good. I seem to be dating Wilma Flintstone. I offered to use the lovecall garbage, and she agreed, but I don't want to spend $500 a minute.

RobertB Thanks for the input. I had planned to visit her last august, but I had a family emergency. Now I have to wait until spring to see her. I've been very open with her, and she says the wait is fine.

The thing is, I'm trying to get around dealing with the agency, and I don't know how. Nothing I try seems to work. For everything I try, she just says she's poor, and the agency is easier. But back to my original question, is it normal for her to keep saying no to pictures? I mean, I get new ones, but rarely.  Thanks for the input guys. It means a lot to me.

Kevin

*Vince G, Yeah I get what you're saying. I think the agency edits out the fact that she can use a computer. I'm trying to get around that.

[Scottish_Rob]

Hi Kevin welcome

I was the same as you, only mine was 11 months.  Tried everyway to get picture, got her phone number, wouldn't answer, would not do a web cam..I know NOT all are like this, me personally...I think 'Red Flag'...this is based on my own experience...

[David E]

Kevin

So many of us here have done the "devil's dance" with CHNLove and the EMF trap.

I must have spent a small fortune doing this, same as many others. I then tried another tack, and went onto one of the "free" sites. When I found my Lady in this way....she asked me to meet her on QQ after 3 emails. She sent dozens and dozens of photos without me asking for them. She has a computer and a cell phone and was always very keen to be in contact via QQ or by phone....the difference to the previous pains on CHNLove was amazing !!!!

So I guess I am saying that any reluctance to get into deeper communication can only suggest to you....she is not real or she is playing games. Either way, it is in your best interest to force the issue and get along to the next step...or just keep on spending money until hell freezes over !!!

I have little doubt that 99.99999% of all Chinese women are fully articulate with Cell phone and cell phone photos and that 99.9% of them have QQ on their Cell phones and use it all day to communicate with friends and family...I KNOW this for a fact...it is not just an opinion. For those who have a computer (and I concede that some dont) they are computer savvy and have no hesitation in using it.

So...your call, but sooner or later you need to make a positive move...or just keep spending into a black hole 

Of course she/The Agency want you to go down the lovecall track...it's a river of money for them.

The simple/short answer to your question....NO it is NOT normal for her to keep saying no to more photos. If she really wants to go further with you, she would bury you in photos...without you needing to ask for them......My Ming did, she just wanted me to know that she was real, sincere and interested.

Perhaps you have to make it clear that you dont intend to go on much longer without some more in-depth communication...and until you get it, you are completely unsure of her intentions....maybe tough, but you cant drift along much longer...you will get hurt, both in the heart and the wallet !!!

[Chong]

First of all, "Wilma Flintstone" is a good looking lady ... as is "Betty Rumble" ... LOL.

Kevin, were the photos 'touch-up' photos or 'everyday-looking' photos   A very important information !!!

Please please don't use the LoveCall feature. IMHO, I'll bet you will hear the following for $ 500 ... "hee hee hee", "you are very nice man", "I will make tea for you when you visit".

[Kevin T.]

Hi guys, thanks for the input. Wow...  so many different experiences. Thank you for the advice, but I'm pretty sure my girl is the one I write to. I just need to think. I'm satisfied for now. Nothing will replace a face to face meeting. Gentlemen, Thank you.  You have set my mind at ease. Take care gents.

Kevin

[Chad]

Kevin

I am pretty much experiencing the exact same thing. I have been writing to Kerry since May and have only received about 10 or so pictures and even those I had to almost beg for. About three months ago I was ready to call it quits with her. But for some reason I didn't. I started talking to her on the phone about once a week since then and although I still have some doubts in the back of my head about her I am going to continue with the process. I have a trip planned for most of March to visit her. She says the same thing that she has a cell phone but the camera quality is to bad to send me a picture. I just read the other day that cell phone cameras are taking the place of regular cameras because they are so convenient. No one can tell you for sure what is the right or wrong thing to do. And yes you may get burned but then again maybe it will all work out and be just great. As long as you can handle it if it goes bad I say just go for it. That's what I am doing.

But I can say for sure if you use the call thing from chnlove you will have to be crazy.

[shaun]

Kevin,

Is she real? More than likely.  But it looks to me that the agency has a strangle hold on your relationship.  As long as you let them they will continue.  I mean you gotta figure that as long as you are communicating then the translator is dragging in what?  Let's say you talk 3 times a week for 9 months that is $936.00 of which I think the agency gets half.  Now you may think $936.00 isn't much but in Chinese money it is pretty significant.

She has put some money down too and you said she is poor.  It that is the case she is paying them off and there is no way on God's green earth they will turn the two of you loose to talk freely until she is paid up.

The best thing you can do is get yourself over there and find out what is going on and set up private communication between the two of you while you are there.  Don't let anything let in the way of your next trip.

Bottom line is that she is only doing what they will let her do with communication.  She is more than likely just as frustrated as you are so it is up to you to keep your head straight.

Oh yes and welcome to the Fraternal Order of the Knights of Men who are men who love Chinese Women.

Shaun

[halfpint]

Kevin

I'm not going to try discourage you from pursuing this lady if you feel she is right for you.  In fact, I think you should continue until you can go to China in the spring and meet her.  You don't need to spend too much in the next few months, then you can go there and see if she is the girl you think she is.  I hope she is.

If it doesn't work out, then try a different approach.  I spent $60 on a different website (and I only needed to spend $20 on a one month subscription as it turned out) and met a wonderful lady.  We chatted on the site a couple of times, then went to Yahoo Messenger.  There we started exchanging pictures and doing a lot of chatting all for free.  She could read, write and speak English very well.  She was also very savvy on a computer.  I think there is a better way than chnlove, but don't give up at this point.

It is possble she is holding back a little, because she is shy or because she wants to meet you to make sure you are real, you won't know unless you go and find out.

Carry on and let us know what happens, we're rooting for ya!

Alan

[Neil]

Figure out how to use qq, get a number and give it to the translator and your girl (seperately - as a note to the translator).  Tell them you will translate - use www.mdbg.com to copy/paste and translate her responses and your replies.  Try first to suggest that you will use EMF's still.  If that fails, hint you will start to look elsewhere.  If you still have no luck, open your profile up and start looking for a new girl. 

9 months through EMF's?  You'll be lucky if the agency hasn't already written you off as someone that's not serious about moving to the next stage, if she hasn't also. 

Direct contact is important.  Webcam even more so.  But nothing beats face time.  9 months of emf's before even visiting her is a huge waste of money if you go to meet her and find out she's not the one. 

I'm speaking from experience.  I emf'd for 6 months.  Web cammed twice.  Flew to China, had a wonderful time, but in the end I found out directly from her that 90% of my EMF's were not written by her.   It was hard to build a relationship when the foundation was built on lies.  How could she accept a man who fell in love with someone that I never met, who wasn't her.  It was difficult when I started to realize things she told me were not true (how could they be?). 

EMF's are a great start.  But without transition to direct contact, it is just a smoke show.  Expensive entertainment. 

Sorry if this sounds harsh.

Oh, and everyone has qq on their mobile phones.  My current girlfriend works for less than nothing in her cousin's dumpling shop and has a nice cell phone with a camera. 

[lfputman3]

Figure out how to use qq, get a number and give it to the translator and your girl (seperately - as a note to the translator).  Tell them you will translate - use www.mdbg.com to copy/paste and translate her responses and your replies.  Try first to suggest that you will use EMF's still.  If that fails, hint you will start to look elsewhere.  If you still have no luck, open your profile up and start looking for a new girl. 

Neil, I hate to break it to you, but there is no www.mdbg.com, the site is a domain for sale, at least that is what I got when I clicked there...

[mustfocus]

It's supposed to be http://www.mdbg.net/