The Red Envelope

[Spruik]

Metooap,

In most cases it is intended that the girl comes to live in our English speaking country.

It is in her interest to know English. And know it well. Especially if contact with other Chinese people will be limited once with us. In my case, there is not a chinese female soul within 50km, that I know of (peaceful mountains here).

Sure, us learning Chinese is fun, but hardly necessary.

True, this one was not "meant to be". I was not committed in any way to her, or vice versa. Talk about marriage was based on "ifs" and "buts".

What I learned in the process? It's ok to fart in bed... in China (without apology)... LOL. No, I didn't sleep with her!

Seriously, be careful what you say in the cause of humor - she may take it seriously (and she often did). Keep your chats extremely simple. And DO NOT tell her your entire history on how many times you were married (and got taken to the cleaners)... it reflects on us, the victims. But you can't not tell her either...

Initially I told her that I was married before. As the communication progressed she assumed I was married twice before and told her family that. When asking questions, being honest, I told her they totalled 4 and gave details as to why they failed (including 3 crooked thieving Filipinas... just wait 5 years and off they go). Of course it does reflect on my poor sense of judgement (at least in part).

Despite my explanations about the Filipinas, I was judged harshly. Even though Filipinos are not very much respected in China. Better put it in your profile and you probably won't get any admirer letters... LOL.

In that respect Chinese seem no different to many other Asians in respect of making assumptions and than claiming them as truth, without seriously listening.

What needs to be fixed? Those translators...  and my head

It's no loss, but it was another experience.

Toon

[metooap]

Toon, I am smiling.

The bottom-line is it seems to me you learned a whole lot from the process.

Just a suggestion, once you have identified a woman and sparks are flying all over the place, get around the translator fast, by using personal emails, chatting directly on Skype or using your own personal translator – not a machine but a person.

If you were not committed to her – and you have been around the bin 4 times!, I do not have to tell you – you know – batter-up!

I would think about saying, "yes, I have been married 4 times, and if it takes me 100 times to find you, then that is what I will do. here I am baby, I have been waiting for you!



Now batter-up!

She is out there!

[Spruik]

Toon, I am smiling.

The bottom-line is it seems to me you learned a whole lot from the process.

Just a suggestion, once you have identified a woman and sparks are flying all over the place, get around the translator fast, by using personal emails, chatting directly on Skype or using your own personal translator – not a machine but a person.

If you were not committed to her – and you have been around the bin 4 times!, I do not have to tell you – you know – batter-up!

I would think about saying, "yes, I have been married 4 times, and if it takes me 100 times to find you, then that is what I will do. here I am baby, I have been waiting for you!



Now batter-up!

She is out there!

Thank you for the suggestion - I'll remember that!

With her it was messages at first, then YM and some webcam for the most part.

She translated her messages to English when sending, and I translated them in Chinese before sending. Virtually a live chat, almost real time. Got pretty experienced at it.

Now, getting  a real person to translate in real-time will be a bit of a challenge... if a female, she will be extremely suspicious with her sitting next to me until and beyond midnight...  LOL

I have no trouble finding ladies - I am a good looking healthy horny male (LOL)... even at 65 (now many chicks also consider that over the hill...).

With a nice place to offer, and no need for her to go to work.

Toon

[metooap]

Toon,

With 4 it is obvious you have absolutely no problem in getting woman, but keeping them is another matter!

So even at your so-called advanced age - which by the way - I believe you have a tremendous advantage in most areas, you have learned some valuable information.

I was talking about getting someone other than Chnlove to translate your emails.

When we are talking about sparks, love, and all that stuff, the only thing that really matters is your heart and hers. The others stuff (good looking hunk, no need to work, nice place) adds to the equation. Seems to me, the way to make sure that number five is the last one..if that is what you want....is to look at the woman's heart and yours too.

It is in the heart man!

[metooap]

Toon,

I think you may have something here.

We focus a lot here on how to find and get the love of our lives.

But once we get her then what?

I agree maybe we should ask the powers that be here to create a thread on what we need to do to keep the beautiful creature - once we have her!

After all, why spend all of that time and resources - if in the long run...she is gone-hun!

Who do we talk to about starting this type of thread around here?

It seems to me with our collective efforts (of this brotherhood) we could come up with some pretty powerful stuff!

[Paul Todd]

Guy's, no need to ask! Just start the thread and see what happens:D

[maxx]

If you want to start your own thread about this it is ok. I think it would be interesting.
Maxx

Toon,

I think you may have something here.

We focus a lot here on how to find and get the love of our lives.

But once we get her then what?

I agree maybe we should ask the powers that be here to create a thread on what we need to do to keep the beautiful creature - once we have her!

After all, why spend all of that time and resources - if in the long run...she is gone-hun!

Who do we talk to about starting this type of thread around here?

It seems to me with our collective efforts (of this brotherhood) we could come up with some pretty powerful stuff!

[datom0]

Does this red envelope still apply if the lady has been married before and is now divorced?
Regards Gary

The Red Envelope is the envelope given to the brides family from the groom. I was told by an elderly Chinese woman who lives here and has been teaching me some things about Chinese culture, that everything in china is about money.  Even the language change to simplified Mandarin, while political was based partly in saving money. Terminology in the language itself has basis in money.  I cannot think of anything in particular about that but that is what she has said.  We as westerners love money but it is not the be all and end all for most of us.  I have quit talking to and seeing two friends because they both asked straight out for things.  One was a laptop and one was an MP4 player. These were not girlfriends just friends.   We are all worried about being taken advantage of.  But to them it is not such a big deal.  They ask and if you say no it is ok.  That is why the "Red Envelope" is such a big deal. In that, Money is not money it is face.  The more money in it the more face the family has and the bride has.  The higher the standing of the family the more money is supposed to be in it.   Therefore in a family that has a decent standing for a second marriage should be about 30,000 to 40,000 RMB.  She has told me that even if the bride says it is ok for a smaller amount it is something that may stick with her for her entire life.  So think carefully about it.  I am just passing this info on so maybe we can consider that when making decisions and not fly off the handle when talked about.
Also as has been said here many times the numbers 8 and 9 have great meaning. So instead of 30,000 it should be 29,999 or 28,888, 8 is love and 9 is longevity
Now the younger generation is not so hung up on it. Younger is under 30.  But, she may have some pressure from her family and it could have an effect on your standing both with her and the family.  Like I said I am just passing this info on, take it for what it is worth.

I would not say that everything about the Chinese culture is money, though we are very practical people!

In Mainland China, the written language is Simplified Chinese, the main spoken language is referred to as Putonghua (it is the same as Mandarin, and "Putonghua" means common language). In Hong Kong and Taiwan, the written language is Traditional Chinese, and the spoken language in Taiwan is Mandarin and in Hong Kong is Cantonese. The reason for simplifying the Chinese written language in the Mainland has NOTHING to do with money, the reason has to do with the low literacy rate after the Cultural Revolution, the government then decided to simplify the written language hoping to increase literacy.

As some of you have mentioned, the “Red Envelope” is mostly given during special occasions such as Chinese New Year, weddings, special gatherings, etc. During Chinese New Year, the elders and married couples give Red Envelopes as a sign of “good luck” to the younger people – you should NOT refuse Red Envelopes in general as you are refusing “good luck”; unmarried people usually do NOT give Red Envelopes, except to their parents as a sign of “thanks” if they are already adults. During weddings, guests give Red Envelopes to help the newlyweds with the bills since it is understood that they have to spend a lot of money during the course of marriage. As for the money (dowry) given to the Bride’s family, this is given as “thanks … for raising your wife (the daughter)” since traditionally the bride is no longer considered a member of her family, and is now “given” to the groom’s family; this amount can vary greatly, mainly depends on the finance of the groom's family, the more well off they are the more the amount – some really rich families have given the equivalent of 10’s of millions of US dollars to the bride’s families for this purpose and this is no joke! Also, unlike western culture, the groom’s family pays for ALL expenses for the process of marriage and the wedding.

Yes, some numbers have special meanings because it sounds similar; the number 8 sounds like ?, ?, or rich/prosperity and 9 sounds like ? or long/longevity.

As with most parts of the world, younger people are less traditional, in fact many of them may not even understand the imprecations behind the traditional practices, as such they are less likely to follow.

Hope this clarifies some of the myths behind the Chinese culture.

-W-

[JimB]

Yes, it does. The amount of money is based on the grooms family finances. So it could be anything. The amount is less than the first wedding.

[Peter]

I got this answer from Vince, as usual, and some other that it is just a matter of face.. In some parts of China you will have to give a red envelope but in other parts you don't need to give anything. It is also a thing about you, your lady and her family.. I have asked my lady before about this and she told me that I shouldn't give a red envelope. Since we are getting married in 2 months I asked her again in my last letter.. I will have to wait for this answer from her..

[datom0]

Best wishes to you and your lady and Good luck with the wedding i would be interested in hearing how it goes and if you do need to give that red envelope.
Regards
Gary

I got this answer from Vince, as usual, and some other that it is just a matter of face.. In some parts of China you will have to give a red envelope but in other parts you don't need to give anything. It is also a thing about you, your lady and her family.. I have asked my lady before about this and she told me that I shouldn't give a red envelope. Since we are getting married in 2 months I asked her again in my last letter.. I will have to wait for this answer from her..

[wilsonlee71]

Good question, Gary!

It is very hard to say, there is no real tradition “rule” on that! It really depends on the bride’s family, but the amount should be less to NIL.

-W-

[Norb Smith]

Just remember Peter you have to get a large red suitcase not envelope from Martin at the wedding to pay for the Dumplings ...

[Martin]

Just remember Peter you have to get a large red suitcase not envelope from Martin at the wedding to pay for the Dumplings ...

Thanks a lot Norb...he doesn't need any more bright ideas!

[Arnold]

Gary , no Red Envelops for me . Qing's second marriage and it never came up . But as I stated before , I did give the Parent's $ 500 with a regular Gift on my second trip . On my third trip , Qings Mom gave us both 3500 yuan for the trip to Beijing . See ... everybody's happy and nobody lost Face . Also , nobody ask for any money from us and we did not get any at the wedding either .