Lily,
You are not alone. Everyone here has heard the sad stories of how terrible Chinese men are to their women. We have heard the stories of tragic divorces and how unfair life is for Chinese women. But that is a reality. Accept it and move on. Life is not fair and if you think it is then you will always be disappointed.
Also many of the men that come here have suffered the tragedy of divorce. Some of us (me included) have had our hearts crushed and our lives destroyed by a deceitful woman. We come here to share our story, find comfort, get advice and make a plan for recovery.
When I first posted on this forum I was an emotional wreck. I caught my wife cheating with another man. I was lost and did not know what to do. But after sharing my story here the members of this forum listened and gave me advice and understanding. They did not solve my problem but provided a place for me to ask questions and get the encouragement I needed to put my life back together. With their help I came up with a plan. A plan to get out of my miserable condition and work toward improving my situation and be happy. I did not know what to expect when I headed off to China but I knew I must do something and not just sit and feel miserable.
When I met my wife she was in the same situation as you. She was 42 years old and divorced from a horrible man. She was alone and raising her daughter on a small income. For seven years she had very little time for herself and made her priority to provide for her daughter and giving her a good education.
When we first started talking on QQ neither of us dreamed that one day we would be married. We were just friends. But when we met face to face in China something told me that she was the right one.
I am just one example but it happens all the time here. A man comes here, tells his story, gets advice and runs off to China looking for a special woman. And many times he comes back with the perfect wife.
You seem to be stuck in this mood of despair. But you don't have to be. You should not give up hope. You need to stop thinking about how miserable you are and come up with a plan to achieve happiness. We can't solve your problems for you, but we can certainly help you make the right decisions to plan for a better future. It happened for me and many of the other members.
IT CAN HAPPEN FOR YOU.
So tell us your story, tell us what you want , ask questions and ask for advice. You are in the best place on earth to get the kind of help you need.