Here I go again

[David E]

Well Peter.....

Congrats to you both.....your life will change now in ways you never thought possible...mostly for the better 

Please consider that her "attitude"...ie vanity and levity may well be her way of showing you she A) Cares about her looks and her image..and B) her insensitivity may well be a peception you have because the language issues dont allow either of you to communicate on a fundamental level yet.

I can only tell you that my Ming could well be guilty of vanity, but now I know her better I understand it is not insidious...she cares very much about her appearance and she tells me that it is primarily for my benefit...she doesnt want to get fat, wrinkly etc because of all the younger women falling at my feet (hahaha). And although Ming is 43, she could pass for 32, and she works hard to keep it that way....kinda flattering and nice for me !!

Communication gets better and better over time, I am sure much of the flippancy and immaturity will fade as she gets more confidence with the relationship.

But on the other hand, if it REALLY bugs you and you cant see the possibiity of a change in her...be careful.......if you cant accept and love her for who she is...it is unlikely that you will be able to change her ways...and neither should you try to !!!!   We all have our flaws...yes, even I have one or two 

Good luck....be patient with her, she is worth it. 

[Scottish_Robbie]

........ We all have our flaws...yes, even I have one or two 

Do tell mate...Do telll !!!

[RobertBfrom aust]

Spot on David E, we have not much to add, unless a partner has an understanding of English close to the elts test , then in depth discussions are nigh on impossible as they will hear only every second word and generally the less favourable ones , you accept them as they are and over time you will meet in the middle , regards Sujuan and Robert .

[Willy The Londoner]

I just want to know where that engagement ring was kept!

Willy

[john1964]

Peter, Way to go, I asked MinYing to marry me when we were together the first time in Beijing, Communication was at almost zero between us but It grew much easier as time went on, Sometimes i think my wife can be insensitive but this is the way she has been brought up, I to can be the same way toward her and have woken up to myself and accepted this fact, As for the vanity issue, Before I met MinYing I would not have looked at her twice, She had no pride in her appearance and told me that she did not care what people thought of her, When i met her in Beijing I honestly thought she looked washed out and not a speck of make-up on her face, Personally I do not care for too much make up but I do like my wife to dress well.
When I met her for the second time in her home town I saw a different picture, Well groomed and looked 10 years younger, She tells me that she has a new lease on life and feels good about herself and does not want me to be ashamed to walk with her, What David has said is absolutely correct, Accept her and love her for who she is, Accept her for wanting to look her best for you too, And yes David, It is kind of flattering for our wifes to look there best for us, Cant do much about the way I look though  , Any way, All the best Peter, MinYing and John.

[David E]

........ We all have our flaws...yes, even I have one or two 

Do tell mate...Do telll !!!

Rob

Do you seriously think that I would expose my couple of flaws to you lot of rat-bags, and be forever vulnerable to being reminded and ridiculed by you 

Yeah, sure...but not while my bum points South would I ever fall into that trap !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[shaun]

Again!!!!   

[Jason B]

Pete, firstly congratulations to you and Candy.  You are over the first hurdle.  There are many more to go both with the Government and personally as a couple.  Trust one another be honest with each other even if it is not what the other person wants to hear, you do not deserve to have your feelings suppressed just to satisfy someone period.  But most of all love each other and the rest will fall into place.

Looking forward to more updates, read the Aussie requirements as we have all put our combined knowledge there about the visa processes.  Hey it worked for Dave and me so it can't be that hard to do.  I am no rocket surgeon and I managed to complete the paperwork myself.  Do not know about Dave and from his last post here he wont be ridiculed so we will just have to speculate.

[Peter Arnold]

Thanks to everybody for your words of encouragement . I have been here only three weeks, but it feels like 6 months. I have covered so much ground with Candy. I will send another update when I get home, along with some photos of my companion, and the icebox that is Harbin. I will see how my heart is when we have to part at the airport. One of the songs that Candy sent me was an old Crosby, Stills and Nash song, 'Just a song before I go'. I'm pretty sure it will be in my head when we part.

[john1964]

Hi Peter, Parting at the airport is a difficult time, I have had the dis-pleasure of doing this 5 times, Good luck for the future and update soon , John 

[Scottish_Robbie]

........ We all have our flaws...yes, even I have one or two 

Do tell mate...Do telll !!!

Rob

Do you seriously think that I would expose my couple of flaws to you lot of rat-bags, and be forever vulnerable to being reminded and ridiculed by you 

Yeah, sure...but not while my bum points South would I ever fall into that trap !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But David...You know it would be a better class of ridicule...   ....You do know the Scots are reknown for being really good at ridicule, after all we are masters at being ridiculed

[David E]

Hey it worked for Dave and me so it can't be that hard to do.  I am no rocket surgeon and I managed to complete the paperwork myself.  Do not know about Dave and from his last post here he wont be ridiculed so we will just have to speculate.

I used a Lawyer (Immigration)...the reason being that one of my weaknessess is that I am just basically a lazy bugger  ....but he did nothing that I could not have done myself if I was so inclined !!

[Arnold]

I used a Lawyer (Immigration)...the reason being that one of my weaknessess is that I am just basically a lazy bugger  ....but he did nothing that I could not have done myself if I was so inclined !!

Ahhhh.. I knew we had something of importance in Common! haha

[Willy The Londoner]

I will see how my heart is when we have to part at the airport. One of the songs that Candy sent me was an old Crosby, Stills and Nash song, 'Just a song before I go'. I'm pretty sure it will be in my head when we part.

How about 'Candy Man' by Roy Orbison

Willy

[JohnB]

Please consider that her "attitude"...ie vanity and levity may well be her way of showing you she A) Cares about her looks and her image..and B) her insensitivity may well be a peception you have because the language issues dont allow either of you to communicate on a fundamental level yet.
I can only tell you that my Ming could well be guilty of vanity, but now I know her better I understand it is not insidious...she cares very much about her appearance and she tells me that it is primarily for my benefit...she doesnt want to get fat, wrinkly etc because of all the younger women falling at my feet (hahaha). And although Ming is 43, she could pass for 32, and she works hard to keep it that way....kinda flattering and nice for me !!
But on the other hand, if it REALLY bugs you and you cant see the possibiity of a change in her...be careful.......if you cant accept and love her for who she is...it is unlikely that you will be able to change her ways...and neither should you try to !!!!

David E,
I will tell you that your few words were probably as good as anything I have ever read on this forum. Somehow, someway, I was sitting on this doorstep of your words. If I could not see what the woman my wife is, I, in all due probability, would not be waiting for her at the Sea- Tac airport in two days.
I was on- line just after your post. I wanted to savor your good words of wisdom before this post. Your advice is nice, very nice. Actually, great!
John