I need some major help and advice.

[Vince G]

Hell get a mexican divorce. She doesn't even have to know until it's done. I think you don't even have to go to Mexico all done online.
http://www.divorcefast.com/mexican-divorce-forms.htm


I won't dwell on what should have been or the faults. Burn the bitch so she stays there never to return.

[Chad]

I want to thank everyone for their responses. Its not like I didn't expect these remarks, but I had to put this out there just make sure that I wasn't missing something and you guys have a better view of Chinese woman.

I have decided to end the relationship and work on the divorce any way I need to, to get it done. The thought of going to China to get a divorce has crossed my mind but I worry about what she may do if I return. So I will see my lawyer and take it from there.

The bottom line for me was how could she disappear and not let me even know she was alive for those four months when she returned to China. That isn't love and I am sure that she had some other motive to return to America and even if she didn't I could never trust her again.

Since we only talk on QQ I left her a message telling her that I was through. I am afraid that if I see her I may cave in to her, so I told her I would no longer be on QQ. After almost three years of the relationship its hard to see it go away. Especially under these circumstances.

Once again thanks for the comments and the support.

[JC]

Chad,

I see some of your heart in these posts, one of great patience and trust.

Once you let her go,and completely, then know that thee are many many more ladies that would give all to have the kind of devotion it seems you have given Toni.

But really she must be out of the picture and your heart before something real can come in.  Please let her go ASAP and find the real thing.

So many here in this site have found that and I pray you do also,

Though I am still looking and have not been in your situation, I hope you will find great happiness in the real thing.

JC

[Arnold]

Chad, you knew you had to let her go.. before you even ask us here. We all seen your "happier" time from your Posts, of course seeing you (anyone) fail or loosing someone so close to your heart... is not even easy on us to read. Letting it out though, was your first step for recovery. We appreciate the trust you had in us, to even mention this with the Brotherhood. As you have said, you could never trust Toni again... what she did is even more hurtful then being un-faithful by a bad decision. Heck, "Trust" is as powerful as "Love" itself and guess she hasn't fully shown any of that throughout the relationship, unless of course something was "Needed". We here have enough of those Women as you know. Lesson learned, now you have/need the patience and find yourself the wonderful Partner everyone seeks. Ohh.. and keep your Money tightly tugged away this time.

[Martin]

Chad, I think you made the right decision. You are not the only person on this forum to have a failed marriage after visiting china, and working on bringing her to your homeland. There are many here that sympathize with you, and are always here to lend you an ear, or a piece of advice.

There are other wonderful women out there, and not all of them are in China. But JC makes a really good point...make sure she is out of your life, and your heart, before you go looking elsewhere.

[Robertt S]

I want to thank everyone for their responses. Its not like I didn't expect these remarks, but I had to put this out there just make sure that I wasn't missing something and you guys have a better view of Chinese woman.

I have decided to end the relationship and work on the divorce any way I need to, to get it done. The thought of going to China to get a divorce has crossed my mind but I worry about what she may do if I return. So I will see my lawyer and take it from there.

The bottom line for me was how could she disappear and not let me even know she was alive for those four months when she returned to China. That isn't love and I am sure that she had some other motive to return to America and even if she didn't I could never trust her again.

Since we only talk on QQ I left her a message telling her that I was through. I am afraid that if I see her I may cave in to her, so I told her I would no longer be on QQ. After almost three years of the relationship its hard to see it go away. Especially under these circumstances.

Once again thanks for the comments and the support.

Chad,
Your best bet is to file in Florida and list the address that USCIS has on file for her to be served. She is required by FEDERAL LAW to file an AR-11 within 10 days of any move temporary or permanent. If she can not be served at that address, have your lawyer run an ad in the legal organ that serves your area/county. Just a word of caution about you going to her neck of the woods any time in the foreseeable future. You have little to no rights even being married to a Chinese citizen and if she met her friends in Colorado through her connections in China, I do not think they are the kind of people you would want to be alone with in a foreign land. I strongly suggest you have your lawyer run an ad in her local paper if need be and let her worry about getting back for the hearing stateside and stay away from her and any of her friends.

Regards, Robert

[Chad]

I finally talked to my lawyer yesterday. She is going to proceed with the divorce along the missing spouse way. She says it will need to be advertised in our local paper for a month then we can take it to a judge to see what he has to say. Since she left me and didn't come back she deserted me. I don't know what will be needed to prove that but my lawyer seemed confident that it will work. So we will see what happens from here.

My wife sent me little messages on QQ for a while and has finally stopped. She was very persistant on her desire to come back to me and be the wife she never was. Now she says that yes it was her fault and she will make it right. After a while I just stopped answering her as all she was saying was what she felt I wanted to hear.

I am still sad over the whole thing but the best thing for me is to stick to my guns and it will be over when it is over.

[JustJim]

This is good that you are seeking to resolve the situation.  All you need know is a little time to get yourself back together and you will be good again.

I hate to make this comparison, but it is kind of like buying a new car which turns out to be a lemon.  You go in there with the highest hopes and you really believe the salesperson's pitch, and your initial excitement is high.  As it dawns on you that you have a bad vehicle you feel outraged and taken advantage of, and all you want is for the vehicle to just do what you wanted it to do.

Maybe this is a poor analogy, but for anyone who has been through this the feelings are the same.  And it takes time to be able to trust again and to think that you can find someone good.  These women do exist, and maybe they don't think and act and look the way in which you are accustomed.  But there are many good women in the world who purchased "lemons" for husbands, and they are also now looking for a new deal.  I think the most important thing that a man can do is just to try to be the best "vehicle" that he can be.

Like I said, give yourself some time and you will be back out there looking for a new relationship.

[fivetrout]

People are measured by their actions. Someone will come along that will amaze you in every way.

[Robertt S]

I finally talked to my lawyer yesterday. She is going to proceed with the divorce along the missing spouse way. She says it will need to be advertised in our local paper for a month then we can take it to a judge to see what he has to say. Since she left me and didn't come back she deserted me. I don't know what will be needed to prove that but my lawyer seemed confident that it will work. So we will see what happens from here.

My wife sent me little messages on QQ for a while and has finally stopped. She was very persistant on her desire to come back to me and be the wife she never was. Now she says that yes it was her fault and she will make it right. After a while I just stopped answering her as all she was saying was what she felt I wanted to hear.

I am still sad over the whole thing but the best thing for me is to stick to my guns and it will be over when it is over.

After the divorce is finalized, I would contact the local USCIS office for your area and send them a set of your divorce papers to add to her immigration file. She can re-enter the United States legally up until her current green card expires, but she can be denied entry if the divorce is listed in her immigration record which can be viewed by the Customs and Border Patrol agents at any port of entry she tries to enter at. The CBP officers can use her divorce record as a reason to deny her entry back into the USA.( Not that they really need a reason) if she does not have an I-751 or an I-360 pending at USCIS.

Good Luck and Best Wishes, Robert

[Chad]

I wanted to give an update to this situation. I can’t believe that my last entry on this was in December 2013.

My wife called me from the airport in New York out of the blue in January 2014 and said she would be at our airport later that day and she wanted me to pick her up, which I did later that day. I let her return on her promise that she would not leave again and try to make the marriage work. As soon as she returned I pushed the divorce forward the same day she returned to be on the safe side. The lawyer drew up the paperwork and it was served to my wife the same day. Of course she made all kinds of promises to make me believe her that she had changed. But since the divorce papers had been served to her the only was to put them on hold was for both of us to sign them. Of course she always expected me to believe her but she didn’t believe me that she wasn’t actually signing the real divorce papers. So she didn’t sign them. So after spending $1,500 on the lawyer I cancelled the divorce proceedings.

Then a few days later she says she had a family emergency in china and she returned there to deal with that, at my expense of course. A month and a half later she returns on my dime again.

Towards the end of March she once again tells me that if I don’t send her family $500 a month she is leaving to go work in Minneapolis to get money to send to her family. I told her what she had promised me in January. She said she had no choice that her mother and son were starving and had no money to live on. I told her to go ahead and leave.

Once she was gone we would talk a little on QQ. But the longer she was gone the less she wanted to talk. She always was too tired to talk.

By September I had grown very tired of this arrangement and told her I wanted a divorce and of course she wasn’t happy but she said to shut me up about the divorce she would sign the papers as long as I continued to pay for her cell phone until the end of November of this year when her visa was to expire.

I had the annulment papers drawn up and the lawyer said that the court may approve an annulment or they may not. I guess these days epically after a three plus year marriage an annulment didn’t look good. But with an annulment there are no financial papers that need to be filed. So I took that route. Not that I really have any money but that was the only reason she married me and a divorce starts out as each person is entitled to have of the entire estate. Of course that’s only where it starts and I am sure that I could have convinced the court that she was just there for the money. I felt I could prove fraud on her part but I was a little worried.

So the papers were sent to her and eventually she did sign them. As soon as they were returned the lawyer sent them to the court system and the judge signed them the next day and now I am no longer married as of October 22, 2014.

A funny thing about the “face issue”, she had asked me to send the papers to a new address where she said she was living now. She had been living at the massage parlor where she was working. I gave the lawyer both addresses and her phone number so they could find her. Apparently if served at work she would have to prove who she was or they wouldn’t serve her, but at a house the papers could be left with anyone over the age of 16. From my point of view I would rather her be served at work so there would be a positive ID on her. I told the lawyer to have the papers served to her house.

The lawyer got the places mixed up and she was served at work. She called me when she got the papers and was furious with me. I had never heard her so mad. It was the fact that now all the people at work knew what was going on with her. I tried to tell her it wasn’t my fault but that made no difference to her. She said that the owner lady even fired her because of the papers. Of course I didn’t believe her and later she said she had to quite because I had embarrassed her to much. She said now she had to find a new job and a new place to live and that she wasn’t going to sign the papers because I had lied to her. I told her she was an adult and she could do what she wants. She was madder at me for embarrassing her than for me asking for a divorce.

The next time the court sent her updated papers they again sent them to the massage parlor and she called me again, this time she was even madder at me than the last time.
All she did was swear on the phone and called me some very bad names. I finally hung up on her.

In Florida the spouse has twenty days to respond to the papers then if no response the other person can continue with the annulment and I did. The court was setting up a non jury trial date for me.

While I was waiting for the date my wife actually sent the signed papers back and so the annulment is good and I am a free man once again.


The last time she texted me on QQ she asked if I was still going to pay for her phone until the end of November and I said yes I was as I promised I would. I asked her if that meant she was returning to China since her Visa was up the end of November. Her reply was it’s none of my business. So much for any kind of gratitude after spending and giving her over $50,000 in our three plus year marriage. But of course no one forced me to give her anything. It’s all on my shoulders.


I am sad that this all happened as we both had good intentions in the beginning I feel. But life has a way of throwing a curve ball once in a while.

I don’t know what my plans are at the moment but I think when I retire in seven months I am moving to China for a few months and I will see what happens. I still have my sights set on a Chinese lady.

[Mark_in_Canada]

sorry to hear about everything you have gone through. You said you both had good intentions in the beginning, do you really believe she did? I think
she had a plan from the start. I am glad to hear you are free now, don't give up, there are good woman who are out there.  I found one and have been married three years now. I wish you the best in your future!
Mark

[David E]

Hi Chad

You sure have been through the meat grinder over the past 3 years, I am sorry that it all turned out so bad..

However.......... it is now OVER and you are free once again, poorer, sadder...but somewhat wiser 

Best now to concentrate on YOU for a change, dont do anything...relax, take it easy and PLAN...but dont make any moves until you have got to grips with what YOU want for YOUR future.

It is absolutely certain that there is a good woman out there for you, and when you are good and ready, you can go and look. This time you will be armed with wisdom and know all the traps.

But dont make any moves until you are sure that you have got this saga all behind you.

Best regards...David

[Willy The Londoner]

Sorry to hear about this final chapter in the long tussle you have had in the past three years.

At least you have had the balls to come back here and to explain to us just how things did not work out.  I wonder just how many so called 'successful' marriages of members who have just disappeared from the forum have actually ended in separation or divorce!

I conclude with David E, dust yourself off and get back to who you used to be.

When your pension comes through then get back to China. Do not meet women on any website, just come and find the real life ones but take your time, go through a normal courtship period of several months whilst living here before tying the knot again. 

In fact moving to live in China was the best thing that ever happened to me without a doubt.  I am emotionally and financially much better off as my pensions go a long long way here.  So if you consider moving here then there is no reason why you cannot achieve the same.

Willy