You never leave the house without a packet of tissue.
You break out in moans of appreciation whenever you spot a Starbucks.
You find yourself eating at McDonald’s or KFC at least once a day.
You no longer bus your own tray at McDonald’s or KFC.
You take up littering.
You take up smoking. Everywhere.
You start to enjoy room temperate soda.
Your car horn usage jumps from once a month….to once every 2 seconds.
Your new motto: “Waiting patiently in line is for suckers.”
You expect bus drivers and other service people to verbally abuse you.
You no longer bother saying “excuse me” when you accidentally bump into someone.
You stop smiling at strangers and service people (or acknowledging their existence).
You hail taxis the Chinese way (with a Heil Hilter salute and fingers scratching towards you).
You automatically jump into a taxi’s front seat.
For the first time in your life, you consider yourself “a big guy” at 5’9”, 150lbs.
You notice that you’ve picked up a noisy loogie-hocking habit.
You seriously consider the option of nose surgery after all the attention given to your giant “sharp” nose.
You no longer bother to pick up your dog’s poop on the street (not applicable if you’re French).
You let your kids pee on the street.
You feel that it’s acceptable to scream into your cell phone in restaurants.
You feel entitled to make as much noise as you want, regardless of time or location.
You fantasize about inventing a time machine so you can find the person who invented the megaphone and bludgeon him to death with his own bloody, severed arm.
When you return home, you unconsciously counteroffer your dry cleaner with an 80% discount.
Back home, you’re offended that no one in Chinatown is asking you to pose for a photo (or is secretly trying to take your picture like some sort of ninja paparazzi).
Feel free to add any of your thoughts to this.
