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[mpo]

 

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[MLM]

Mike, good luck, I hope this trip and Jessica turn out to be every thing and the person you want them to be.

[Darius]

Mike,

You must be really antsy. Hope everything goes well for you as you are dreaming and you´ll have a nice trip no matter what happens.

[Irishman]

Wow Mike, you are sure rearing to go starting your trip post so early!
Best of luck, i'll be coming back the same day you leave so will be reading your posts with interest as China memories will be still flowing around my head!

[Arnold]

Wow Mike, you are sure rearing to go starting your trip post so early!
Best of luck, i'll be coming back the same day you leave so will be reading your posts with interest as China memories will be still flowing around my head!

I never felt like I would need a backup plan ..... but .... with all of the sudden complications, I am thinking I should prepare one.....

and if I do use one it will shift all of my thinking on this entire process.

Mike

 Mike , you know .. sometimes I very much dislike the word " BUT " . You are coming on too strong to Jessica , even we both know you mean it well . " BUT " it is something that she feels is " HER " problem to go to Japan and register her Daughter . It's unfortunally that it just happen's to be at your Trip date , but If I was you , go to Qingdao and wait for her return . It does come across , that you don't trust her . If I see it as such , so will she . This is not the end of the world , and please do keep your Mind on Jessica only , not on a back-up Woman as well . Well that's my thought , for what it's worth .

[maxx]

Arnold keep having thoose kind of  thoughts.Mike I'm going to have to agree with Arnold on this.You are thinking like a westerner.Where something like this is excepted.It is not excepted or expected in China.

Mike I do not mean any disrespect to you.Ths is how your lady sees it.You are not her husband you are not a close member of her family.Or a close friend.So you have no right to do this.If she would of asked you to meet her in Japan it would of ben different.

If somebody Like Ed or Martin or Arnold or Peter had suggested this to there wives it would of ben a good Idea.Because they are married to there wives.And since you have not really met Jessica in person and you are not her husband.You have no right. there is certain rules and edicate that you do not break in China.I'm sorry you broke a big one brother.

I know how it happend and I would of probably done it the same way you did.When I was fairly new at this.I've ben at this for over 3 years now so it is something you learn along the way.And my wife is very understanding and Patient when I commit a seriose blunder like this.

all the members need to pay attention here.If you are unsure of the situation or the custom post it here.Do not just go and do what you think is right.We in the west think nothin of Mikes little offer of help.And the help would of ben greatly excepted.But this is not always the case in China.

Rule #1 different country different customs

Mike send Jessica a letter.Tell her that you are sorry that you didn't know Chinese cutoms.Tell her you will meet her when she gets back from Japan.

[Rhonald]

Rule #1 different country different customs

I thought rule number# 1 was the 24 hour rule.

But yes another wise gem from you Maxx. I guess wisdom comes with age. Maybe your not the oldest here on these forms - but I guess you have been married the longest to your girl so that we can call you the wise, old man :icon_biggrin:

I hope it goes well for you Mike. I remember wanting to go see my girl in September for her birthday. I admit it was more because I wanted to confirm she was real, but I coached the questions as a romantic gesture to share her birthday with friends. My divorce was still not finalized. She replied that she would accept my trip but would feel uncomfortable introducing me to her friends. She wished for my divorce papers to be finalized. I bowed to her desire and did not go. By mid November I had yet to get the final notice from the judge. Not having a fixed date on when I could travel was eating at me. I would tell her my afternoon dread of coming home from work and seeing an empty mailbox. Sometimes no news is bad news. It was her who suggested that we had waited enough. We had planned as best as we could and sometimes action was needed. So she invited me to come in December and we planned on a second trip for once I had my divorce documents. I booked my trip and by the end of November I finally recieved the divorce decree. Only thing here in Canada, the divorce become offical after 31 days from the decree date.

The good part is for my first trip I knew I could not get married so the pressure for a rush decision was off, but I left for my trip knowing I was a free man. Sometimes patience is rewarded, so I hope my little story helps you. I understand your desire in seeing her as soon as possible - but like the wise man Maxx has said - different country different culture.

[David5o]

Mike,

One more thing to consider, why not to go to Japan for any length of time! .... It's dammed EXPENSIVE there mate. It would bite a big chunk out of your funds you set aside for your China trip.... and i do mean BIG!!  haha!!

David.....

[Neil]

Congrats on the Visa Mike.  Same as I got.  The security guard told me there was no way I would get more than a single entry Visa because it was my first time to China but I managed to convince the beautiful boss lady that I needed a dual entry since I live 8 hours from the nearest Visa office and I would definitely be returning.

[Brian Mc]

Congrats on your upcoming trip Mike and too bad about not meeting the daughter, but all good things in time yes?.

You know these kinds of things bring a thought to my head it may be a dumb thought but her it is....

It seems we all including the ladies devote so much of our time and energy into building these relationships and trying to work out issues and plan for possible setbacks, that perhaps we get a little lost in the process.  Yes we think as westerners and based on our culture and beliefs and they think as easterners and based on their culture and beliefs, and sometimes its hard to mesh everthing together.

It almost seems that reading these wonderfull threads that perhaps we are getting lost in a love story, then the time for the trip comes and wham!! reality sinks in.  Perhaps from our side all the carefull planning the advice from here etc suddenly goes out the window when we get this close and reality kicks in that this is no story that this is our future and hers we are dealing with. We want to try hard to take care of any last minite perceived problems before they escalate and maybe its the wrong thing to do. This of course applies to her side as well.  Now suddenly the reality hits and a living breathing person is about to show up in her life and perhaps this scares them as well.  Well anyway it may be a dumb thought as I said but it popped into my head when I read this thread so there it is.

I guess as always we must follow our hearts and our heads, our desires and also hers and hope and pray we can figure out how to make it work for both parties.  We I think are lucky in that we have the entire brotherhood behind us and all of us either going through or have gone through exactly the same thing so we have a great support network here.  The ladies on the other hand have their family and friends to support them but perhaps they dont get the same support because they may not have anyone in the same situation to help them through this.

It makes sense that as the time comes closer doubts and insecurites and the " oh man am I doing the right thing" should pop into both heads.  I guess all we can do is trust in what you have built and on your agreed plan and follow through.  For the religious guys you also have the benefit of faith to help you through so trust in your beliefs also.

Well I hope this makes sense coming from a dyed in the wool romantic hehe,

Regards to all

Brian Mc

[Vince G]

Well your on your way after all this time.

[David5o]

Brian,

It almost seems that reading these wonderful threads that perhaps we are getting lost in a love story, then the time for the trip comes and wham!! reality sinks in. Perhaps from our side all the careful planning the advice from here etc suddenly goes out the window when we get this close and reality kicks in that this is no story that this is our future and hers we are dealing with.

What you have said here is very true and very significant. Getting lost in love, in part, was also the point i was trying to get over in our postings. At some point, Reality always kicks in, which is one of the reasons why we should never let our hearts rule the mind, until the heart is on safer, more firmer ground. Then you can let it go into overdrive!!...haha!!

David....

[Scottish_Rob]

Well done on your visa mate....Sooo pleased for you, don't worry about getting a letter from Jessica, that WILL COME, of that I am sure....:icon_biggrin:

Good things come to those who wait...:angel:

[Josh Markley]

Alright Rev. Mike.  Have a great time and no worries brother.  I think the trip is as fun as we make it.  Xu Le and I could not even communicate but I thought it was a blast figuring out what she was saying.  Most of the time i could tell in her face what she was trying to say.  So I would say wait for her return and plan a romantic gesture as you wait and suprise her.

[Arnold]

See Mike , the Man with patience will be rewarded . I can see you smiling form here . I'm happy for you , it turn out as planned the first time . Somebody is alway's making the best of things , even if we don't believe it .:angel: