and so it begins....

[Brian Mc]

Greetings guys,

Well this is a continuation of my other thread about my divorce.

I just had a face to face with my EX about moving our seperation date back to last fall so I dont have to wait another year for the decree absolute.  Well she went ballistic!!  totally went nuts.  I can honestly say in 20 years of being together I had never seen this side of her.

While we both absolutely agree there is no chance of ever getting back together she is totally adamant that she will make me wait the entire year for the divorce to be final.  Even though we hadnt shared a bed or a room over the past two years she will not budge on this.  In fact she was so forcefull about it she made our daughter start to cry!!

So what does this mean for me?  Well now I have to tell  my lady  that it will be over a year before I am able to come to her as a free man.  This has totally devastated me, and I can only imagine what it will do to her.  While she has said she will wait for me already, she does not know the extent of the waiting.  I am so scared right now that she will not be able to wait that long.

I have a call into my lawyer to see if there is anyway we can get it done quicker, or if I really need her to agree to the seperation date, but no reply yet.  Oh also when I asked her for this she said amonst all the vituperation that she spewed out that her lawyer told her this would happen, seems he has been filling her head with thoughts that I was cheating on her before we seperated!!

So now I wait for my lawyer to get back to me, do the 24 hour rule and think of a way to break this news to Hong then hope for the best.  I think its gonna be a long couple days waiting for her reply and then an even longer year plus if she agrees to wait for me.

Damn I hate lawyers and the legal system.  Why cant they just accept from us that we both agree there is zero chance of reconcilliation and grant the divorce!!!!

Anyway thanks for the ear to listen and the shoulder to cry on

Brian

[Sylvain D]

Well.
I can, as many other Brothers here, understand how hard and difficult it can be for you, to live and to hear that news, Brian.
I just couldn't give you any advice about divorces because I never was married up to now.
I would say that the laywer system is just "so bad" sometimes, because man doesn't really understand why some "cases" can take more time than other ones, even if there's no reason for that.

Maybe can you also go in China and see you lady there, but telling her the truth about the problem you are facing. And, as you still believe in both of you, you will do all you can to go furthermore in your separation with your ex.

I just don't know what to say else, but I'm never too far away to hear and to give any help, even if a bit and little one.

[David5o]

Brian,

Yeah, your dead right about lawyers/solicitors, they can definitely do more harm than good. The sad thing about it all, is that they are also always the only winners in any divorce case....

David.....

[JimB]

Brian,
I am wondering, why it will take that long?  I was married for 30 years.  When we got the divorce we agreed on the property settlement and was granted a divorce within 60 days from filing the separation papers.  That was in Georgia.

[Rhonald]

Brian I also live in Alberta and filed my divorce here. I do not know all your particulars, but the law does allow the 1 year seperation to include living under the same roof if the both of you did not co-share a relationship. But this does not just mean living in the same bed. It also means that the two of you did not help each other with the same roles as before the split. Of course if she presists, then it would be hard for you to prove otherwise.

An other low blow is the mandatory course the government forced me to take "Parenting as a single parent" that all divorce plantiffs need to take if they have children under the age of 16. In my case my ex was the one who wished for the split. We lived in the same house from August till December 0f 2007 before she left and I still could use that time period for the one year because, like you we didn't share a bed anymore.

Take care Brian its gonna hurt. Best of luck

[Brian Mc]

Brian,
I am wondering, why it will take that long?  I was married for 30 years.  When we got the divorce we agreed on the property settlement and was granted a divorce within 60 days from filing the separation papers.  That was in Georgia.

I live in Alberta Canada and apparently our divorce laws are quite backward.  When I got my first divorce (yes this is the second for me) it was possible to petition for an early decree absolute if there was cause and agreement.  When I married my first ex wife I helped her get her divorce, we went to the court together, and after the petitions the judge looked at her asked if she was going to marry again, she said yes and he granted absolute on the spot.  I think the laws were changes since then and at least for me for the worst.

Mike I understand what you are saying about everything.  We have agreed on everything up to this point with very littel grief or animosity.  My lady has no computer, lives in a different city from her agency and speaks very little english.  So communication outside emf at this point is not an option.  I am waiting for my passport then  I plan to get a visa and just go over and see her.  If everything gels and we feel we are right for each other I will buy her a computer and webcam etc so we can progress from there, but until then we have a long painful wait.  At least if I can visit her it will reassure her of my true intentions hopefully cement our relationship, possible even get engaged all of which should help make the wait a little less painful.

Thanks for the advice and support guys,

Brian

[Scottish_Rob]

Brian I am so sorry to hear the news brother...BUMMER

What i was going to suggest was, explain to Hong that you are coming over, then when you are there show her any documentation that you have, including (downloaded stuff about the Law and divorce from your Country), and  say all this face to face rather than in letters, that way she will see you are trying to do everything in your power to get this done.

She will also see that you are serious, and having the time together both of you will get to know a bit more about each other, which can do no more than help the current situation.  This way she will then see if it is worth waiting on, or better splitting, also buying her a computer is a good idea and she will see this for what it is.

Just my 2 cents mate.

[MLM]

Sorry to hear this Brian, all I can say is hang in there, when I got my last divorce it took about 6 months and a guy standing behind me that was next said it would have been cheaper to use a bullet but don't okay.

[Willy The Londoner]

Do not dispair Brian,  

I am sure that she will wait until you are free.  In the meantime enjoy each others company whenever possible. One year seems a long way off but get to see her whenever you can. She will then see that you are serious and once she is sure of your intention I am sure that she will be there for you as these ladies arereally dependable once you have theri trust.  How long has she been on Chnlove looking for a 'foreigner'?  - some have been there several years.  Some on this forum have been talking to their ladies for that length of time and sometimes more.   I was chatting to a friend of my girl who has been talking with an American for 18 months.  

Willy

[David E]

Well this is a continuation of my other thread about my divorce.

Brian

Thats a real show stopper....but any logic that you could apply to the whole divorce process and to the attitude of Ex"s defies imagination.

However, that is how the Law is framed and you or I cant change it.

Remember, it wasnt that long ago when a divorce was damm near impossible to get and couples were virtually condemmed to live in misery together for ever !!

I dont want to rain on your parade, but did you not research the issue of re-marriage and the time frame before you made contact with your Chinese lady ?? I think you are going to have to do some serious grovelling here, and you probably gotta make financial plans to visit her "often"...as often as you possibly can. Because you should have known all this before !!!

But either which way, I am sure she will be disappointed at least...so send some flowers, "fess-up and put your trust in Destiny and your outstanding charm (hehe)....above all...keep smilin"

David

[Neil]

An other low blow is the mandatory course the government forced me to take "Parenting as a single parent" that all divorce plantiffs need to take if they have children under the age of 16. In my case my ex was the one who wished for the split. We lived in the same house from August till December 0f 2007 before she left and I still could use that time period for the one year because, like you we didn't share a bed anymore.

Hmm, I never had to take the course but I've been separated for 6 years and now that we're finalizing our divorce my daughters are 16 and 17 so hopefully I won't have to take it.  

Still no word from the blood suckers on the status of the divorce though.  I hoped I'd know something before I left for China.  

Sorry about your situation Brian, I feel your pain.  You can survive it and you'll be that much better off when it's over.

[tommy x]

Greetings guys,

Well this is a continuation of my other thread about my divorce.

I just had a face to face with my EX about moving our seperation date back to last fall so I dont have to wait another year for the decree absolute.  Well she went ballistic!!  totally went nuts.  I can honestly say in 20 years of being together I had never seen this side of her.

While we both absolutely agree there is no chance of ever getting back together she is totally adamant that she will make me wait the entire year for the divorce to be final.  Even though we hadnt shared a bed or a room over the past two years she will not budge on this.  In fact she was so forcefull about it she made our daughter start to cry!!

So what does this mean for me?  Well now I have to tell  my lady Hong that it will be over a year before I am able to come to her as a free man.  This has totally devastated me, and I can only imagine what it will do to her.  While she has said she will wait for me already, she does not know the extent of the waiting.  I am so scared right now that she will not be able to wait that long.

I have a call into my lawyer to see if there is anyway we can get it done quicker, or if I really need her to agree to the seperation date, but no reply yet.  Oh also when I asked her for this she said amonst all the vituperation that she spewed out that her lawyer told her this would happen, seems he has been filling her head with thoughts that I was cheating on her before we seperated!!

So now I wait for my lawyer to get back to me, do the 24 hour rule and think of a way to break this news to Hong then hope for the best.  I think its gonna be a long couple days waiting for her reply and then an even longer year plus if she agrees to wait for me.

Damn I hate lawyers and the legal system.  Why cant they just accept from us that we both agree there is zero chance of reconcilliation and grant the divorce!!!!

Anyway thanks for the ear to listen and the shoulder to cry on

Brian

It takes a year to get the paper work through anyway.  Is there a clause to say, divorce is pending and proceed with new bride forthcoming?

[Scottish_Rob]

Brian i started talking to my lady last November and not seeing her til this November, it passes really quite quick mate honestly...:icon_cheesygrin:

[Brian Mc]

Greetings guys,

Just got home from work and did a heap of thinking therer let me tell you.  but first just before I walked out the door to go to work I got a call from my lawyer.  I had to tell here why this rush on the divorce and she was somewhat sympathetic although with a fair dose of scepticism.  Guess folks who dont do the online search for their new love just dont really get it but anyway she is supportive and thats what counts.  She put in the seperation papers that are about to be signed a seperation date of Oct 1 2008  which is technically true and as soon as the papers are signed she is gonna rush the divorce petition and plead /beg for an early decreee final.  If all goes well it could be as little as four months maybe less.  However if things dont go well its gonna be about 14 months plus the month for the certificate of being single for the chinese end so worst case it could be 15 or 16 months to get this done.

Also I received a letter from my lady today in which she said that I am hers and she is mine and she will wait.  She basically asked me to promise not to come to her until I am totally free as it would go against her convictions and her morals
 So there it is I cannot go to her until I am free.  If this takes the long road I am gonna be in a world of hurt for sure!!  I will wait  to see what the lawyer says after the petition and if its bad then I will probaby have to break the rules and send her money for a computer and webcam.  I know that this is a bad idea but its gonna be a long tough road just on emf's.

Damn that girl just pulls me I cant resist her!!  Pathetic I know but there it is.  Anyway thanks for the support and advice and please keep them coming if you think of anything else, even just words of support for I am sure gonna need them.  So now I have to write to Hong and break the news to her.  While at this point its not all bad in theory, its not exactly exciting news either.  Oh well wish me luck.  I guess this is make it or break it crisis number one in our relationship.

Thank you my brothers

Brian
PS David E First thanks for your words I appreciate them .  As for what was I thinking, well I never anticipated things would progress to this point so fast with Hong.  I figured I had sufficient time to get this done and wasnt thinking I would hit panic mode this early.  That little Asian witch (again a term of endearment from me to her and a joke between us) has well and truly captured my heart and soul, I couldnt break this off with her now if I tried.

Rhonald I already did the course so no worries about that.

Scottish that has got to be the worst attempt at humour I have ever seen lol  the 1 year wait will go by fast  hahahah you funny.  Lol now I am starting to type in broken English just like her letters, hehe see I really am under her spell. Oh and where in Gods country are you from anyways?  I was born in Lonehead and lived in Portobello a beach suburb of Edinburgh until I was 15.  My dad had the coolest job in the world  He drove truck for the Scottish and Newcastle Brewery.  Just think driving tanker trucks of the best beer in the world all over Britain and Europe..... "Aye Mcewan's the best buy in beer" lol I still remember the jingle for the commercials lol.
Grretings Brothers,

Well I just wrote to her and gave her the news.  I guess this is the first test by fire of our relationship.  I hope she can stand it and stay by me.

I am not a religious man by any means but from those of you who are I ask that you pray for us.

I dont think I have ever been this scared in my entire life.

Thanks for all your support and kind words
Brian

[David E]

Brian

IMHO, the words from Hong that you shared with us seem strongly to suggest that she is taking you VERY seriously. I hope you can see her point of view...to meet before you are free gets complex for her....I believe that in her mind, your eventual meeting will be only to confirm that you and her will be a long term "item". If I could get a bit blunt here without being "tacky"...I imagine that she also considers the physical side of your relationship after you meet...and to consider that with a "married" man would not be good for her internal morals ??

There is a VERY good post from Feisnik about this part of the Chinese woman mind-set that you should read...explains it a bit more deeply.

In the final crunch...only you know what you have got to do to keep this alive...then go ahead and do it !!!!...buy her a phone, computer...or Ferrari.. ...whatever ...14 months will fly past...they always do when you get over 35 anyway (hahaha)

Regards...David