Daily life of a married man

[David E]

Ok Maxx...everything you said is right on. Hopefully, we are all Men enough to look at why we are here seeking a wife from China. Maybe some of us live in a dream world of idealistic Women and unsustainable dreams.
The process we go through on the way to this end-point is unbelievably difficult and complex. Any man who gets past the cheap thrill of the first letter or two from a Chinese Woman will get to know real quick that it aint that simple.
There are hundreds of posts here to testify to that !!
If we have only shallow and frivolous reasons to look for "her" in China, this will soon be overtaken by the complexity and the cost of the search.
So I guess, most of the "players" will get weeded out real early....especially if they get to look at this Forum.
The reality is that we look for a wife here...for exactly the same reasons as we would look for a wife in our own Country...so we can find someone who we can love with all that we are, so that we can find someone who feels exactly the same about us.
If these sort of Women existed in our own World, we probably would never look anywhere else. But most of us have been burned by the Modern Western Woman syndrome, where things like love, care, committment, trust, honesty etc, etc have long been replaced by greed, selfishness, money grabbing, couldnt care less, feminist dragons.
Generally, Chinese women retain...with pride and honour...those things about women that make a Man proud to be married. We are hungry, emotionally and practically for such a woman...it is what most men dream about.
And when we find such a woman...she will have everything we are...without reservation.
So...for me, there is no basic difference why I would look for a Chinese wife over an Australian one, except the added difficulty of Language and culture (not insignificant !!!)...but these women dont exist any more in Australia.
But these differences, language and culture cut both ways, but they can be managed well when two people are truly together........ in all that this word means.

Having said all this, certainly............"this is not for everybody"
DavidE

[David E]

Some Statistics

To add some numbers and interesting information on the subject of foreign Brides, here are some statistics produced by the Aus Bureau of Stats. Showing the age group of men and the percentage of each group who have used International Internet Dating.......... ( Numbers exclude Internet Dating in Australian Sites):

Age Group               Percentage of age group

Up to 20 years                  8 %
20 - 30 years                   27 %
30 - 40 years                   34 %
40 to 50 years                 59 %
50 + years                      82 %

Foreign marriages - all groups   .........6 %

Dont know how this stacks up with other Countries, but Maxx, it shows that many, many Men "have a go " at this, particularly the "older" men, probably in most cases divorced......but surprisingly only 6 % of all marriages in Aus were between Aus Man and Foreign Woman.

I guess it reinforces your words that is is not for everybody, and many who begin the journey dont make the distance.

DavidE

[brett]

Foreign marriages may be low in Oz because there are quite a few immigrants in that country already. I suppose it is the same with the UK, only determined men will go to China to find a Chinese wife, because there are loads of Chinese over here already.

I guess a lot of men are seduced by the beautiful ladies on chnlove, but I guess not many realise that it takes a lot of time and money to get a really nice Chinese wife. You also really need to love Asian culture. In my case I want an Asian wife because I've been to Asia several times now on vacation, and I realise that I have much more in common with Asian men than I do with my fellow countrymen. I'd guess if the economy improves then there is a very good chance that I would get an expat job in Singapore, Hong Kong and Shanghai. I really don't like the idea of bringing up kids in what has become of the UK :@.

[David5o]

Brett,


 :idea: In my case I want an Asian wife because I've been to Asia several times now on vacation, and I realise that I have much more in common with Asian men than I do with my fellow countrymen. :idea:

Now i'm intrigued, ....Can you explain what you meant here by ''having much more in common with Asian men than i do my own countrymen''?? Are you talking about Chinese men in particular?  This question by the way, is being asked by Lucy my partner....

David....

[JimB]

There is so much to say on this subject. But first of all Maxx is right on all counts.  I have always admired Asian Women since I was in Viet Nam, i lived in a village for a while and observed them in action with their families.  Seeing these strong women doing everything they could for their families in a time of crisis  in their country.  The beauty of them both outside and their inner beauty.  I actually found one there, but I was wounded and put in a hospital for a year and just lost her.  I have found the woman of my dreams now and she is the closest to the ideal Chinese wife you can find.  My ideal anyway.  Each of us have our different reasons.  I believe those that will be successful will have the realistic dreams and be ready to fight the battle to the very end.  I am very lucky.  There is no other honest answer I can give. The battle is not even half over.  I have spent well over $28,000 and over a year of my time.  That is just to this point.  And each of the other successful men here I am sure have done at least the same, probably more.  Now we go to battle with the US government. even though I have made great inroads, I still have the battle with my step daughter.  So ANYONE who thinks it is easy, think again.  We here have seen a number of men come and go.  The first time they fail, they quit because it is not as easy as they thought.  I, like Maxx and the others here counsel those that ask, do not start this unless you have searched your inner self and have determined that this is the route for you.  Have the inner strength and the resources to follow through, all the way through.  Not just letters, not just promises but commitment to it.  There are thousands of letters here, read, read and read again.  Sure we all get discouraged from time to time.  We all fail from time to time.  I have.  It has happened to a number of others here.  But they are committed to this.   As I said before every one has their own reasons.  But be realistic. Do not think you are going to get a slave, a sexual one or otherwise.  They are WOMEN first and foremost.  They have great strengths and they have their failings just like most.  I think where they differ is in their culture so you had better be at least willing to learn it.  They  will not be happy if you dont.  As the old saying goes, "IF Momma aint happy nobody is happy."

Some of us come looking for our mothers. (Freud would have a field day with this group) Some of us come looking for a sexual fantasy. (Freud again)or maybe (Hugh Hefner)?  Or (Hustlers letters?) Some looking for a mindless slave, (Yung?) or Hustler again.    Whatever your reason please, please put the ladies feelings high on your priority.  If not you may condemn other brothers to pay for YOUR shortcomings. Right Mike?
Dinger, this should be a thread all on its own.  Make it mandatory reading before registering. LOL.
There is so much knowledge here, I ask each new member to read here before you even start looking.  Just by doing that, you will advance your chances for success 100 fold, really.  
Well, that is my 2.5 cents.

[David E]

Foreign marriages may be low in Oz because there are quite a few immigrants in that country already. I suppose it is the same with the UK, only determined men will go to China to find a Chinese wife, because there are loads of Chinese over here already.

Brett

I think you miss the point indicated by the stats....

If around 80 % of single Aus Men have actively looked for a wife from another Country, how come the success rate is only 6% ?
Yes, there are many migrants here from all Countries, but only a tiny few single women over 30 get to come here, our Immig Dept wont let them....same as most countries.
Therefore if Aus men married migrant women, they would only be a minor statistic, it would not affect the number of Men who look on International Dating Sites.

The real message here, is that to start this search is easy, and is commenced by many, many men. To end up married to a Foreign Woman is very rare....because it aint easy !!!!.....Maxx's point !!!

DavidE

[MLM]

Maxx yout right, case in point, there is a woman in New Mexico that has been moved to a safe house, she  finally left her husband, the reason she waited for many years is so her son could be in collage before she left his step father, she had put up with beatings for years, black eyes, broken bones and just general beatings with a belt, now, the reason for all this is because her husband thought that she should walk behind him, have sex when ever and WHERE ever he wanted, she was to have a job, clean the house and serve him before she could sleep, if for any reason he didn't like the way something was done she was beat, well this time he tried to choke her and did until she passed out and then raped her, took all the money out of the bank, took his two pistols, and ran to Texas, now the Police in New Mexico in his home town will not do much if anything because he has ties with them some how, they did issue a warrent for his arrest for breaking the PDF she has on him, for rape and assult, assult with intent, and a few other things, oh yeah felony assult, we got a judge to make it an open warrent, now that means that there are no time limits on the warrent and any Bounty Hunter can hunt him, the problem with this is there isn't any money in it for a bounty hunter so I and my guys are doing this for free. so Maxx you are SSOOO right, this is not for every one.


Mods, we need a thread just for, oh lets say like " I would like to kick ____Bob__R.'s______ a$$ just because!!
because I am or would like to kick this guys A$$  because he deserves it many times over.

[shaun]

There is so much to say on this subject. But first of all Maxx is right on all counts.  I have always admired Asian Women since I was in Viet Nam........      .........There is so much knowledge here, I ask each new member to read here before you even start looking.  Just by doing that, you will advance your chances for success 100 fold, really.  
Well, that is my 2.5 cents.

Jim,

Thank you for saying that.  I've not been to China yet but have learned so much from reading what others have written that have gone before us and have been successful on this site.  I sometimes wonder if I have completely lost my mind when I consider this quest. I tell myself this is absolute lunacy, but I have alway been attracted to Asian women.

Early on in my hunt I met a woman through Chnlove that asked me a couple of important questions.  The first was, "What is a traditional Chinese woman to you?"  Wow, I didn't really have any idea. I searched the internet high and low looking for the answer and found that most of what people said were simply uninformed opinions and not real answers.  So, I tried to answer her and finally said that I really didn't know.  Then she asked me what I was looking for in a woman?  I thought man this woman isn't going to be easy, but I answered her and she said, "I am all of these qualities and more and I will leave it up to you to figure out what the more is." Every couple of EMF's she would ask me what I have learned about her.

Later I questioned her about the future and she said first we start as friends, then maybe close friends, then you come to China and see if there is chemistry, then we talk about marriage.  What did I do, talked a few more weeks and then move on.

Now I realize how incredibly level headed she was and that she was actually a real person talking with me.  I learned a lot from her about what I am looking for and who Chinese women are and how stupid I was to walk away.

I have to agree with everything Maxx and JimB said.  Pinky told me in her last letter that she would really like for me to experience China before I make a decision as to where we should live if we marry.  By the way she is a level headed winner too. She asked me and didn't tell me. She has already told me she would go where ever I want.  Now if that isn't incredible I don't know what is.

Anyway I could go on but Jim your last post was inspirational to me.

Thanks,

Shaun

[Bob]

Bravo Jim ! Very well said, I could not have said that any better. Your post #50 should be a must read to all the newbies here.

When I was looking for a Chinese lady, I was damn serious, I was not one of those guys looking for a slave or a sex toy. I wanted something real, and a long term relationship, looking at her inner beauty,morals,values,personality, and kindness. A person that shared the same family values and the importance and commitment to marriage, through the good and the bad, sharing the rest of our life together, i am a true believer in love and marriage. I am now very happily married, actually in 2 days will be our one year marriage anniversary.

Again, fantastic post, I truly hope that the newbies will read your post as it will help guide them in making the right choices.

[JimB]

Thank you Shaun and Brett, but Maxx and some of the others here are the ones that inspired me.  Brett, congratulations on your anniversary,  i hope you two can do something extraordinary for it.
I just thank everyone here for helping me find my true love, the woman of my dreams.

[maxx]

Were getting alot of new members here.So I thought I would bump this back to the top.Of the list

[Danny]

I have a question for the guys who have their wives in the states. have you tried teaching them to drive yet?  well, I have it times two.  I told them both i am getting them a tank and teach them in it.  By a tank i mean a 75 Coupe de ville.  Let them batter that thing up.  Even if they get hit they will not get hurt.  And if they can learn to park it, they will master any other car.  I am for sure not giving them my G6, HT Convert.  I love that car too much.  LOL

But, seriously has anyone tried that yet?  I was just wondering how hard it was.  nether my wife nor my stepdaughter have ever driven anything at all.

I was telling YaYa about my life here in Australia. I was a little embarrassed to tell her about my 15 year old car. She said to me that I shouldn't sell it because she wants to learn to drive in it and she doesn't want to have to worry about smashing it up *laughs*

[Arnold]

Oh ... this has me worried also . I love my little Truck ( with half a million miles ) , but to learn in it ... is a lot easier than my SUV . It told me " NO " please don't do it .:icon_cheesygrin:

[Willy The Londoner]

I was telling YaYa about my life here in Australia. I was a little embarrassed to tell her about my 15 year old car. She said to me that I shouldn't sell it because she wants to learn to drive in it and she doesn't want to have to worry about smashing it up *laughs*

I don't think I have ever seen a car in China that old.  But come to think of it the way they drive they never last longer than a few years from new.

Willy

[maxx]

AT the request of one of the members I thought that I would dig this up out of the old threads.The member wanted to know a little about being married to a Chinese women.And life after the drama of the visa and the green card.

The first couple of days after my wife arrived in the States.She slept.The time difference and the huge change in the altitude and the climate.Took a big toll on her.When I met my wife she was living in Zhuhai China.Which is only about 100 feet above sea level.The area of New Mexico we live in is at 6,500 feet above sea level.So it was a huge change for my wife.She was tired all the time and had a headache for about 3 days.

After my wife had ben in the states for a couple of weeks.I took her up to Colorado.Which is even higher in Altitude.She didn't have any problems with the altitude.But it was still a big adjustment for her.I think the hardest part for her was.The food.And at the time there wasn't allot of Asians.In this part of New Mexico.So she just couldn't walk outside and talk Chinese to the Neighbors.So she was a little lonely for the first couple of weeks while I was working.

After a couple of weeks.I bought her a computer.so she could talk to all her friends in China.Then I started taking her to a Chinese buffet restaurant.Where she could speak Chinese.We go every Saturday.And any other day of the weak she feels like going.I also found a Asian market in Albuquerque New Mexico.That we go to about every couple of months.

Nine months after she arrived in the states.My wife gave birth to are first son Tristan.He is now 2 years five months old.The brith and the doctors appointments were a little rough on her.(She was a plastic surgeon in China ) so she thought everything the doctors did was a little strange and not right.So I'm taking a beating over the doctor and the hospitals.And what there telling her to do.And what not to do.Her mother is not here and this being her first baby.She was a little stressed out.

When a Chinese women is pregnant.It really messes with there hormones.They are ussualy a little tough to live with.SO you need to watch them closely.For about 2 weeks after the baby is born.Depressions and not having their family close by.Doesn't help at all.Oh yeah as a new father you don't know nothing about babies.So don't even think about holding that baby without your wife's consent.Or your motherinlaw supervision.And you have ben just demoted to the lowest form of life known to man.Your popularity with your wife will improve over time.But from now on that baby is all that matters to your wife.

Conner is are youngest.He just turned four months old.When my wife was pregnant with Conner.It was the same as before.The mood swings the depression.So it didn't get easier this time.The only thing that got easier was the doctor appointments.And the C-section at the hospital.We used the same doctor both times.My wife's doctor was born in Tia wan.But he doesn't speak Chinese.So that didn't help.

As time goes by my wife has become more adjusted to the states.While keeping her Chinese traditions.Tristan can speak some Chinese,Some English.And some Spanish.( Blame Dora the explorer for the Spanish).He does understand Chinese and English real well.And that was one of the main things for my wife and her mother.And Conner has my wifes maiden name as a middle name.So that her family name will be carried on.My wife told me the other day.That she is going to make sure that one of her grandchildren and there grandchildren will have her family name somewhere in there names.

My wife cooks her food at least once a day.We buy rice by the thirty pound bag.Along with going to the Asian market every couple of months.Her mother sends her care packages.This computer.And the TV in the master bedroom.Are both set up in Chinese.She talks to her friends and family in China.And plays some kind of game on QQ where she always tells me she steals Martin's food.She also  talks to Nik's wife and Martin's wife.She has probably ben talking to Nik's wife for almost a year now.And Martins wife for probably six months.Her TV gets like twenty channels of Chinese programming.

My wife doesn't work.She takes care of the house and are 2 sons.She is a real good mother.Neither kid ever lacks for attention from her.Or play time with her.And she still manages to make time for me and her.So I haven't got any real complaints.The Chinese way of raising Children.And the western way of doing it crash into each other sometimes.But we work it out.I end up doing most of the disciplining.And weather Tristan should have a nap or just let him play until he drops.Is always a main topic of discussion between us.

As for myself I'm 43 years old.I have 4 kids the oldest 2 are 18 and 16.My daughter is 18 she just graduated high school.My son is 16 he is a juinor in high school this year.This is my second marraige my first marraige lasted for about 1 year six months.I have ben married to my wife for 3 years four months.

I work as a personell assistant for a older lady.Before that I was a detail manager for 15 years here in New Mexico.I have ben to Mexico,Taiwan,Thailand,Japan.And of course China.7 times now.Ive ben threw hong Kong so many times I have lost count.When I started this journey I wasn't looking for a wife.I was looking for a place to go to on Vacation.I ran across the Chinlove web site.And I registerd so I could look at the pretty girls.After I looked at the pretty girls.I forgot all about it.2 days latter my wifes translator wrote me a admiration letter.So we started writing back and forth.2 months latter.I was in China.In August of 2006 we had a marriage party in China.Then April of 07 we got married again in the States.

If given a chance to do it all again.I would be the first one in line.It hasn't ben a easy Journey.And things haven't always gone the way I wanted them to.And we do have culture clashes and miss communications.But it all comes down  to how you deal with the culture differences and the communication issues.You have to step out side of your self sometimes.And try to see it from her point of view.If you can do that.And go at this with a open mind.And your eyes open.You should do ok.

Granted you are going to find a few bad apples.But how you deal with it.Determines how this is all going to end for you