A Southerners continuing journey in China

[JimB]

Thanks guys, I havent had a chance to caption them all yet.  Will work on it as time goes on.  Michael, Zhou probably meant namesake.  I named her Suzy Q. Cant you tell why?  Her pic with the cake on her mouth was where we were fooling around and I pushed the cake on her plate into her face.  They had never heard of that custom before.  Everyone cracked up at that one, except Mrs. Burk, she told me flat out no.  But I still got some on her nose.  But, Suzy thought it was hilarious.  Yes, she loves the camera.
I wonder about this generation of Chinese that are all only children.  The parents are doting on them a lot.  I am not saying it is bad, it could be great for them.  But, I wonder if it is not raising a generation of spoiled people.  I am sure someone somewhere has done a study of it anyway.  hell, maybe that is why they are becoming so westernized.

[JimB]

I received a call last night from Qingqing, (yes she actually wanted to talk to me).  Mama was as surprised as I was.  She told me in her broken English and she was asking her friend who speaks a little english there, that she was sorry for things that were done, she wanted us to become a family and that she "needed me" and asked if I needed her?  I told her of course i did, i needed her to be a big part of our family.  if she really wanted it, she could have a very big family in the states who would all love her and help her.  I asked Mama if she thought this was true or was she just wanting something. To me, in her voice, it sounded real but i am very much on guard when it comes to her and I am still keeping the wallet shut for a while until I find out if it is true or not.  Mama said she had had a talk with Qingqing earlier in the week.  Qingqing had called and was crying and said that mama was paying more attention to me than to her.  She explained that I am her husband and we are a family now.  She said she and I both wanted very much for Qingqing to be a part of it but it was up to her.  She is after all 16 years old so next week could be totally different.  I am not holding my breath but at least this is the first sign of her coming around.  Who knows, but I will treat it as if it was real until proven otherwise.  I really hope it is.  Our lives will be so much easier and happier.  Maybe she is really scared about a baby taking all of our attention.  Lol.  The Jim turtle is still alive at any rate. LolHas anyone heard from Brian?  he was supposed to contact me but hasnt. i do not know his last name.  If anyone does PM me and i will check his hotel.

[David5o]

Jimb,

Check his hotel anyway!!  .....I think it was the one you recommended to him, Green something or other wasn't it ?? At least we'd know if he's OK or not!!

David....

[JimB]

Mrs. Burk and I are doing great.  We just fit.  Even walking together, we have the same stride and holding hands our elbows fit into each other.  The language is getting better but some dinner conversations do get quiet.  I will admit to that.  Last night she just told me that if anything happened to us, she didnt know what she would do, she couldnt stand it,  that I mean everything in the world to her.  I know it isnt some BS, I can tell.   I just dont know how I got so lucky to find this beautiful creature to love me so much and who wants to take care of me.  I mean she is everything I have ever wanted in a partner.  I know that no matter what I asked of her, she would gladly do.  I got the quintessential Chinese wife.  Sometimes it scares me how much she means to me.  I know I sound like some love sick puppy.  Some wuss who is so whipped that he is pathetic.  Maybe I am.  But I am the happiest wuss so I do not care.

I added some pics of our apartment at photobucket.David, I know his hotel, I just dont have his last name.  They just will not tell me anything without it.

[Vince G]

Jim we either outright or secretly want to be wussies like you. :icon_biggrin:

[Scottish_Rob]

JimB I am pleased to hear that Qingqing has come round, I did say that I thought it was the 'attention' being taken from her...The main thing is tat you 'give' her a little more leaway (not to much) now, and knowing what the problem was, you have a chance to 'fix it' without being the overbearing step-dad...

Being our ages mate, i know what you mean about being like a 'love sick puppy' I think it is only natural...:icon_biggrin:

[phil]

Thanks guys, I havent had a chance to caption them all yet.  Will work on it as time goes on.  Michael, Zhou probably meant namesake.  I named her Suzy Q. Cant you tell why?  Her pic with the cake on her mouth was where we were fooling around and I pushed the cake on her plate into her face.  They had never heard of that custom before.  Everyone cracked up at that one, except Mrs. Burk, she told me flat out no.  But I still got some on her nose.  But, Suzy thought it was hilarious.  Yes, she loves the camera.
I wonder about this generation of Chinese that are all only children.  The parents are doting on them a lot.  I am not saying it is bad, it could be great for them.  But, I wonder if it is not raising a generation of spoiled people.  I am sure someone somewhere has done a study of it anyway.  hell, maybe that is why they are becoming so westernized.

Jim, from reading your adventures I have been asking the same question! Surely someone has looked at this "Westernization of China" thing carefully and figured it's worth it or that
it's just a natural byproduct of open relations and embracing capitalism. I think it's amazing this is even going on. I remember growing up and hearing/watching anything about China was a BIG DEAL, they were so closed off and portrayed in certain ways (rightly or unrightly) I'm sure you know a hell of a lot more about that than I do.... I'm 47.

I remember watching the Nixon visit, and being riveted by Ping Pong on Wide World of Sports, man that was high drama in suburban Texas.

In '95 a friend and his wife went to China and darn near had an Official State Handler everywhere they went, and to see that you move freely in this place is almost beyond belief. Not to mention you are welcomed as a long lost relative by the immediate family is simply amazing.

From looking at teaching videos of classrooms with the smaller kids and the similar disposition of Suzy Q in the pictures, it seems this batch of young ones coming along in China are fearless and quite gregarious, not reserved at all. The world better watch out for Suzy Q and these small kids. I think it's a master plan of the State...possibly Plan B.

[David5o]

JimB,

I've sent a PM to Martin and the Mods asking if any of them can give you his second name (family name). So you can get back to the hotel and find out if he's OK. It seems strange that you haven't heard from him, he sounded very keen to meet up with you guys, before he left....

Fingers crossed everything is OK with him Jim... lets hope one of the Mods can help you out on this one...

David....

[JimB]

My own sense plus the help of my brothas have helped to maybe bring this about.  That is why this site is so helpful to all of us.  It gives us a different point of view or reaffirms our own.  Even if not quite right the different points of views help.  It gives us a different perspective to look at.  One that maybe we would not have thought of.  That is why it is so valuable.  Anyone who does not use this resource loses.  I pity the ones on any other site that does not have this type of resource or the guys who think they know it all and do not need it.  Everyone does.  Even if to reaffirm their own thoughts.  Look at me, Maxx, Arnold, Rhonald, Martin, Chong, Sly, Scott, Mike, Michael, Rob, Shaun, Vince, David50, (sorry if I have not mentioned you) and all the others.  We have all used this valuable resource to help us.  maybe we are all not at the pinnacle of our love lives yet, but without it, we would be the poorer for it.  In the future the new guys need it also.  For we are all Brothas and want to help each other.  That is why we are here.  No one is making any money off of this place.

[Vince G]

There's an old saying... How can you tell when a teen is lying?  
Their lips are moving.

[JimB]

I know Vince, you are absolutely right.  I have gone through one teenage daughter, but she did not give me any trouble.  Cheerleader, top of her class, etc. But, the thing about this is now that I know there is even one chance that she means it, I have more solid ground to stand on and then maybe i can get through to her that I am not a threat.  And I can tease her to get her out of her moods, like I did my own daughter.  I know, I have to be careful about it.  But, I started a little of that last weekend and I think it helped.  So we will see.

If I havent heard from Brian by tomorrow I am going to go to his hotel.  They will not tell me anything on the phone because i do not have a last name.  I mean how many Brian's from Canada can there be in this hotel in the middle of China.  Anyway, my wife and I will go there to see if we can get some info.

[victor-hills]

Your right jim i have a step son it was hard going at first as you say letting them now your not threat go,s along way and finding that comman ground,i have been to hell and back with my step son but its all good now,i sead to him oneday i dont mind if you want to go see your dad he sead why do i want to bother with him your my dad now i was well made up i have to add his dad neaver botherd with him,so keep pluging away at her mate it be worth it in the end,keep standing your gound with her they think better of you in the end mate good luck.

[David5o]

JimB,

The only thing you can be is consistent, young adults need that in there lives. If you can show that she means a hell of a lot to you (love) and that she hasn't lost a mum, but gained a real dad in her life, that's the beginning your looking for. As Scott said in his post, she's gonna revert back to that brat at times, because she'll still be testing you. It's that consistency thing, that's going to pull you and your wife through all of that....  Don't expect this to go on for too long, Teenagers, or young adults tend to catch on pretty quickly, especially when it's a win, win situation for them, especially when they can see that they are a full member of a that family, and not on the outside looking in..... You just have to be strong to be kind, i bet she'll thank you for it later on Jim!!....

David.....

[JimB]

Ya'll are right.  Thanks.  I just dont want her to think I am a cash cow that she needs to be nice to.  All teenagers think that to a certain degree anyway.  So the wallet will still be shut down for a while.  She will get the things she needs that goes without saying.  It is just what she thinks she needs will be the problem.  I am trying to be consistent.  I wont take any crap, but i will not over react to things.  the 24 hour rule applies here too.  She comes home tomorrow so we will see how this week end goes.  I want this to be set on a good course before I leave to go back home.

Still no word from Brian so tomorrow we will go to the hotel.  I will report back in afterwards.   Hopefully he is just so much in love he has forgotten everything and everyone and is having a ball.

Mrs. Burk is trying to kill me. lol.   We took a taxi to dinner, afterwards she said we needed to walk home.  About 4 miles.  This is the furthest we have walked after dinner.  I actually have lost about 15 lbs. and have been eating well.  Jim the turtle is alive and well anyway. lol.  If he survives the week end i will consider it a success.

See ya later.

[shaun]

Yes but Jim, what a way to go.  Happy!!!!! :icon_biggrin: