Author Topic: Confused....Really need help guys???  (Read 8114 times)

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Scottish_Rob

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #30 on: August 14, 2009, 04:50:44 am »
Mike that's fine bro....

BrianMc... Brother I AM SO PLEASED about what Hong said, persistence is the key word here...

Showing up, and face to face talking IS what was needed, it's ok for some to think 'write her and explain' but that does not show the emotional reactions to what you are saying, or trying to get through to the lady...Well done mate, go and enjoy...
« Last Edit: August 14, 2009, 04:51:20 am by Scottish_Rob »

David5o

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #31 on: August 14, 2009, 05:27:25 am »
Brian,

The best thing that has come out of your Divorce problems, is that your going to meet your lady with no thoughts of getting married while your there. Your going in October to meet your lady, and have that time, to get to know her on a more personal level. More importantly, you will find out, if all those other things like the chemistry, passion, compatibility etc,etc, is there between you both.
That, .....is just impossible to achieve by the written word alone. The best of luck to you mate!!

David....

Offline Brian Mc

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #32 on: August 14, 2009, 11:47:03 am »
Quote from: 'David5o' pid='12623' dateline='1250242045'

Brian,

The best thing that has come out of your Divorce problems, is that your going to meet your lady with no thoughts of getting married while your there. Your going in October to meet your lady, and have that time, to get to know her on a more personal level. More importantly, you will find out, if all those other things like the chemistry, passion, compatibility etc,etc, is there between you both.
That, .....is just impossible to achieve by the written word alone. The best of luck to you mate!!

David....


You are so right David, and thanks to you and Rob, and Mike for the support and words of encouragement. Yes as far as I am concerned this is about solidifying what we think we have.  She is going to take vacation so we can spend as much time as possible together.  By the end of that month I will either come back a single guy again or I will be engaged.  As i said in other posts I have never fallen so hard so fast especially to someone I have never met.  I know David these words make you cringe but I am who I am.  

Also my divorce may actually be complete by christmas, and if that is the case and everything works well on my trip, dare I say it  I could get married early in the new year!!  Valentines day perhaps?  hahah wouldnt that be a romantics dream eh?

Stay in China do some teaching and apply for her visa to Canada as well.  That way we would not have to be parted waiting for the Canadian government to process the visa.  Then back here to Canada and we can decide where we want to live from there.

Anyway thats the plan, and sorry Rob dont mean to hijack your thread. Back to your regularly scheduled program hehe.

Regards,
Brian
« Last Edit: August 14, 2009, 11:49:45 am by Brian Mc »

Offline Brian Mc

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #33 on: August 14, 2009, 12:02:20 pm »
Quote from: 'mpo4747' pid='12662' dateline='1250265423'

Brian,

same plan here, I leave for my trip one week from today !!! and visit for 3 weeks... she will be with me everyday, as she has cleared her calendar.
I will either come back a single guy again or I will be engaged, same as you stated!
and the next step is to plan another trip and the wedding, does it seem like a dream, sometimes it does, but one I will chase after to see if it can be turned real.

seems like we have a lot in common !  :)

Mike


Yea Mike it sure does, except you are going in 1 week  lucky you!!  Best of luck on your trip I know it will work out well.  As always keep us posted and everything that happens (well maybe except the bedroom parts if any).  Its always so great to hear how others progress through their trips and the many pointers the rest of us can get before our own trip.

Best of luck to you Mike

Brian

Offline JimB

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #34 on: August 15, 2009, 09:49:49 am »
You cannot be with someone for that long and not still have feelings for them.  "But at some point, you have got to let go completely.  No matter what they say, how has she changed?  Has she really?  I would go to China.  Let me tell you it is the best decision I have ever made in my life.  I am so happy right now, I cant get the smile off of my face if someone took a crowbar and tried.  I love this new woman i have found like no other.  But, I did have last minute jitters about my ex.  we wrote and talked to each other two days before I left.  of course she said it was against nature for me to come here and marry a chinese lady.  She asked for more time to get herself sorted out.  To which I replied, ehhhhhhh, wrong answer.  Bye baby.  That was it.  She is calling my daughter getting updates i know.  but, my daughter is behind me.  So, if you are worried about your kids.  Talk to them.  If you still have a deep love for your ex, think hard at least 6 times then go to China and at least meet karen.  see if the chemistry is there, If you do not, you will always regret it.  You know you will.
Maxx's 24 hour rule, learn it, live it.

Scottish_Rob

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #35 on: August 16, 2009, 09:56:51 am »
JimB thanks mate, I have decided to follow my heart,

And it is so true about having feeling for someone after the length of time we were together, The most important thing that was in my head was that, I AM in love with Keren, whereas I still love my ex, but in a different way, and that is through her being the mother of my kids, and the time we SPENT together..

David5o

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #36 on: August 19, 2009, 01:04:32 pm »
Mike ,

 I was wrong, ....your not a'' little devil'' at all,  Your much more than that, ....
 ....Your more of a ''Wolf In Sheeps Clotheing''   ..hahahaha!!

David.....

David5o

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #37 on: August 19, 2009, 02:25:09 pm »
Mike,

Wolf, means exactly that,  ''a Passionate Man''. The Sheeps clothing, means that no-one would know it, from your outward appearance, or you demure!!   So never lose that Passion Mike, even if you do keep it under wraps, ...so to speak!! ...hahaha!!

David....

Offline Willy The Londoner

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #38 on: August 19, 2009, 10:25:42 pm »
Quote from: 'mpo4747' pid='13460' dateline='1250703740'

Quote from: 'David5o' pid='13456' dateline='1250701472'

Mike ,



I did not turn into this "goodie goodie" as she called me, until 8 years ago when I turned 40 years old





One day someone is going to drop in an age that is somewhere near mine.  Probably Maxx is the nearest although I do not know what is his!

Oh well happy days!!!!

Willy
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Offline maxx

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #39 on: August 20, 2009, 12:46:03 am »
Sorry WIlly I don't understand what your asking me.

Offline Willy The Londoner

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #40 on: August 20, 2009, 02:31:37 am »
Quote from: 'maxx' pid='13536' dateline='1250743563'

Sorry WIlly I don't understand what your asking me.



Was not a question Maxx it was a statement.  You said on one thread you were probably the oldest on the forum.   Whatever your age I may be just ahead or behind as I have just passed 60 since moving to Zhuhai.  

Old enough for free travel pass but not a pension.

Willy:icon_cheesygrin:
« Last Edit: August 20, 2009, 02:32:56 am by Willy The Londoner »
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Offline maxx

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #41 on: August 20, 2009, 10:29:17 am »
ok I understand WIlly.When I said I was the oldest.I was talking about time spent  on the forums.I'm not the oldest person on here.Youv'e got me beat by about 18 years.

Offline Willy The Londoner

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #42 on: August 20, 2009, 10:57:38 pm »
Quote from: 'maxx' pid='13592' dateline='1250778557'

ok I understand WIlly.When I said I was the oldest.I was talking about time spent  on the forums.I'm not the oldest person on here.Youv'e got me beat by about 18 years.


You youngsters really know how to hurt a guy Maxx!

Oh my God is that another tooth coming loose? and can I see another hair greying as I speak - "pass me the 'Just For Men' darling.  No, not that one  - the very large bottle."

Willy
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Scottish_Rob

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #43 on: September 01, 2009, 05:12:07 am »
Well guy's it has been two weeks since I made the 'right' decision about this thread...:icon_biggrin:
But, to let you all understand, the one 'bad' habit I have is I cannot let things stand, I have to put a lid on it, the final nail in the coffin so to speak...:s

On Saturday afternoon I asked my ex (Susan) to come round to mine for a coffee on her next day off, which I found out was the following Monday, the minute I asked her this, her face lite up, and she got a grin on her face as big as a Cheshire cat, (remember the cat in the film 'Alice's adventures in Wonderland'), I forgot how beautiful she was when she smiled...

Monday morning came and I was nervous about the upcoming 'meeting' that was arranged, I knew what I was 'going' to say, I knew 'what' I had to say, but, I know 'me', I'm like a little pussycat especially when it came to her, I always was, would I falter? Would I fall at the last hurdle?:huh:.  Anyway at 4.30 in the afternoon there was a knock on my door, I 'knew' this knock I recognised it straight away, it was Susan. I let her in, and the grin was there, she smelled lovely, and looked equally so, so I asked her to sit down while I put the kettle on... Once the tea had been poured, we sat and started to chat about 'our' last night, she told me that 'she' thought it would be better if 'she' gave me time to 'really' think about what she had said...The thought came to my head, 'WELL', if 'you' have given me time to think about it, 'DID' it stop you sleeping with the 'a...hole' you fucked off with...'NO', so this made it more sweeter what I knew I was about to say to her.

I started with "Sue, I do love you, with all my heart I do, and I always will, you are engraved on my heart.  There was a time that you were in my every thought, I would just sit and watch you doing something and think wow, she is mine", or I would be at work and think, I wonder how Sue is doing".  Lol I know guy's 'mushy' bugger I am...  What I said made her go red with embarressment, and she tipped her head towards the floor but at the same time she outstretched her hand and got hold of mine.  She looked up after a few minutes and said to me "I didn't know, I mean, I knew you loved me and I loved you, but I never realised 'how deep' you loved me".

I then said to her "I DO LOVE YOU, and if this had been 2 or 3 years ago, then I would have moved you back in straight away, But Sue, I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU, there is a difference!!  The feelings you gave me, I NOW GET FROM KEREN, she is in my everyday thoughts, I know I am not living near her, BUT I am moving there to do this, YOU took away your love to someone else, NOT ME, I am not to blame for this YOU ARE.  Our kids are grown up, I AM only a few hours more from them, 'we' have computers, and there is always the telephone to keep in touch, and on the plus side it is another holiday destination for them and the grandkids".

Well the tears welled up in her eyes and she grabbed my hand tighter, but I pulled them away, at that moment I 'felt' so so sorry for her, it was then that I realised that she still 'did' love me, maybe she 'regretted' doing what she done, or her 'affair' was going wrong I don't know, and to be perfectly honest, I DIDN'T CARE, that was the defining moment for me, this was when I knew I had moved on...  After about an hour of pleading and begging (I do not like that word), and crying (on both sides) I held firm.

My final words when I opened the door to her was, "we'll always have 'our' good memories to think about".

On reflection, this thread has taught me, what no Psychiatrist could get through to me in years.  I was 'stuck' in hopes and dreams and it was a 'habit' that I couldn't shake, so for that I thank each and everyone of you wholeheartedly.  The lid is on the coffin and the final nail has gone in... What would be better living in a 'new relationship' with my ex or starting a 'new life' with Keren, well gents too be perfectly honest, there is no comparison, there is NO CHOICE to be made...
Thanks
Rob
« Last Edit: September 01, 2009, 05:17:19 am by Scottish_Rob »

Offline Willy The Londoner

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RE: Confused....Really need help guys???
« Reply #44 on: September 01, 2009, 05:17:21 am »
Well said Rob,

But tell me when did you stop writing for Mills and Boon!!!

Willy
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